Jewish practices for hard times

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul…” (Psalm 23:1–3, JPS 1917)

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4, JPS 1917)

This psalm does not promise that there will be no dark valleys. It promises that you will not walk through them alone. Notice too the picture of rest: green pastures, still waters, a restored soul.

“A Song of Ascents. I will lift up mine eyes unto the mountains: From whence shall my help come? My help cometh from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1–2, JPS 1917)

The psalm goes on: “Behold, He that keepeth Israel Doth neither slumber nor sleep.” (Psalm 121:4) If you lie awake at night with worry, this verse can be a comfort: you can rest, because you are being kept.

It ends with a blessing for every coming and going: “The LORD shall guard thy going out and thy coming in, From this time forth and for ever.” (Psalm 121:8)

“Who healeth the broken in heart, And bindeth up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3, JPS 1917)

Another psalm says: “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart, And saveth such as are of a contrite spirit.” (Psalm 34:19, JPS 1917) A broken heart is not a sign that God is far away.

The image of binding wounds is gentle and patient. Healing from emotional pain often takes time, care and help from others, much like a physical wound.

“A Song of Ascents. Out of the depths have I called Thee, O LORD.” (Psalm 130:1, JPS 1917)

And: “Out of my straits I called upon the LORD; He answered me with great enlargement.” (Psalm 118:5, JPS 1917) The Hebrew idea of “straits” is of narrow, tight places, like the feeling of being trapped or squeezed by anxiety. The answer is “enlargement”: space to breathe.

Psalms for different feelings

• Feeling low: Psalm 42 (“Why art thou cast down, O my soul?”)
• Feeling afraid: Psalm 27
• Feeling overwhelmed: Psalm 130
• Needing hope: Psalm 30 and Psalm 126
• Needing rest: Psalm 23

“…weeping may tarry for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Psalm 30:6, JPS 1917)

“They that sow in tears Shall reap in joy.” (Psalm 126:5, JPS 1917)

These verses do not rush the tears. They honour them, and hold out hope that the night will not last forever. If your own hope feels very low, let others hold it for you for a while.

Hitbodedut (literally “making oneself alone”) is a practice taught by Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. In Likutei Moharan (Part II, 25), he describes setting aside time each day, ideally an hour or more, to be alone in a room or out in a field and speak to God freely.

Rebbe Nachman taught that this conversation should be in the language you normally speak, so that you can express everything in your heart. He also wrote that even if you cannot find any words at all, simply being there before God, wanting to speak, is itself very good.

Trying hitbodedut

1. Choose a private place: a quiet room, a park bench, a walk in nature.
2. Start with 5 to 15 minutes. You can build up over time.
3. Speak out loud, quietly, in your own words and language.
4. Tell God what you are feeling, worried about, grateful for or hoping for.
5. If words do not come, say that too: “I don’t know what to say.”
6. Try to come back at a regular time each day.

The siddur gives structure to the day: Modeh Ani on waking, the morning, afternoon and evening services, blessings over food, and the bedtime Shema. On hard days, familiar words can feel steadying, like a handrail on a staircase.

Small ways to start

• Say Modeh Ani each morning, thanking God for returning your soul.
• Say the bedtime Shema as a way to close the day and hand over your worries.
• Pick one blessing to say with real attention each day.

The Mi Sheberach is a prayer for healing that is very widely said, often during the Torah reading in synagogue. The person is usually named by their Hebrew name and their mother’s name.

Healing prayers in many communities include healing of the spirit as well as the body. You can ask your rabbi or gabbai to include your name, or the name of someone you love. Knowing others are praying for you can make you feel less alone.

“I have set the LORD always before me; Surely He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.” (Psalm 16:8, JPS 1917)

Some people use this verse as a short meditation: breathing in on the first half and out on the second. Slow breathing helps your body move out of “alarm” mode, and the words can help steady your mind.

“The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon Him, To all that call upon Him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18, JPS 1917) This verse is part of Ashrei, said three times a day.

“Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, And will tell thee great things, and hidden, which thou knowest not.” (Jeremiah 33:3, JPS 1917)

“In truth” means honestly. You can bring your real fears and hopes, not a polished version. Nothing is too small to talk to God about.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. And ye shall call upon Me, and go, and pray unto Me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek Me, and find Me, when ye shall search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11–13, JPS 1917)

Jeremiah wrote this to exiles in Babylon. In the same letter he told them to build houses, plant gardens and seek the peace of the city where they lived (Jeremiah 29:5–7). Hope for the future went together with living fully in the present.

A prayer-and-plan practice

1. Name one area of life where you long for a better future.
2. Pray for it in your own words, or with the weekday Amidah blessings for healing, wisdom or livelihood.
3. Ask: “What is my part?”
4. Write one small step for this week, like the exiles planting gardens.
5. Leave the timing and outcome with God.

“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will give counsel, Mine eye being upon thee.” (Psalm 32:8, JPS 1917)

“Trust in the LORD with all thy heart, And lean not upon thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, And He will direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5–6, JPS 1917)

Listening for guidance

• After praying, sit quietly for a few minutes.
• Learn a short passage and notice what speaks to you.
• Talk it through with your rabbi, a chavruta or a counselor.
• Notice where you feel peace and where you feel pressure.

“Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and He will sustain thee; He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:23, JPS 1917)

Before sleep, many people say the bedtime Shema. You can add a moment of handing over: name each worry about tomorrow and picture placing it in God’s hands for the night.

Many people today feel “always on”, with work messages, news and social media following them everywhere. Shabbat offers a built-in break. Stepping away from screens and work for a day can give your mind a real chance to rest.

Ideas, whatever your level of observance

• Put your phone away for Friday night dinner.
• Take a slow walk on Saturday afternoon.
• Read, nap, play games or talk with family.
• Avoid checking work email until Shabbat ends.

Shabbat meals are often full of singing, conversation, food and guests. Eating together and feeling part of a family or community is one of the strongest protections against loneliness.

Ideas

• Invite someone who lives alone to your Shabbat table.
• Accept an invitation, even if you feel shy.
• Many synagogues and Jewish campus groups host community Shabbat dinners.

The prophet Isaiah speaks of those who “call the sabbath a delight.” (Isaiah 58:13, JPS 1917) Shabbat is meant to bring physical and spiritual delight: good food, rest, friendship, learning and prayer.

If Shabbat has started to feel stressful, for example because of the cooking, hosting or family tension, it is okay to simplify. Ask yourself: what would make this Shabbat restful for me?

Elul, the month before Rosh Hashanah, is a time for cheshbon hanefesh, a “soul accounting” of your mistakes and your successes. Customs include sounding the shofar each morning, saying Psalm 27 daily and visiting the graves of loved ones.

My Jewish Learning describes this work as something that should help you feel “more buoyant and free” as Rosh Hashanah comes. Soul accounting is about hope, not self-punishment.

Psalm 27 is a fitting companion for anxious days: “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1, JPS 1917)

Many Jews fast on Yom Kippur. In 2020, 46% of U.S. Jews said they fasted for all or part of the day. Others mark it with prayer, reflection or acts of kindness.

Jewish law teaches that almost any commandment can be set aside to save a life. If fasting could harm your physical or mental health, for example if you live with an eating disorder or a health condition, talk with your rabbi and your clinical provider before the fast.

Sukkot begins five days after Yom Kippur and lasts a week. Families build a sukkah, a temporary hut with a roof of branches, and eat meals there when the weather allows. Tradition calls it “zeman simchateynu,” the season of our joy, and symbolically welcomes ancestors as guests (ushpizin).

The sukkah is a picture of fragile shelter: open to the sky, yet still a home. If you feel fragile too, this holiday can be a reminder that you can be both vulnerable and held.

Ideas

• Invite someone who might be alone to a meal in your sukkah.
• If joy feels far away, you do not have to force it. Just sit and notice the sky.
• Visit a community sukkah at a synagogue or Jewish centre.

Hanukkah is an eight-day festival that usually falls in December, when days are shortest in the Northern Hemisphere. One candle is added each night until all eight burn on the last night.

Adding one light at a time is a gentle picture of recovery. You do not need to go from dark to bright in a night. Small steps of light add up.

One of Passover’s names is Hag ha-Herut, the Holiday of Freedom. At the seder, each person is asked to feel as though they personally left Egypt. The seder is one of the most beloved Jewish home rituals.

Some people use the seder to reflect on their own inner freedom: from fear, from old habits, from shame. You might ask yourself: what is one small step toward freedom I could take this year?

If Passover feels overwhelming

• Share the cleaning and cooking. You do not have to do it all.
• Keep a simpler seder if that is what you have energy for.
• Plan a quiet break during a busy holiday week.
• If family gatherings are tense, plan how you will take care of yourself.

Tisha B’Av, the ninth of Av, is the main day of communal mourning in the Jewish year. It remembers the destruction of the Temples in Jerusalem and other tragedies. The Book of Lamentations (Eicha) is read, and many people fast. A three-week period of lighter mourning comes before it.

Tisha B’Av shows that Judaism does not hurry grief. There is a time set aside to sit low and lament, together. Your own sorrows deserve that kind of room too.

Holidays can bring up the absence of someone who has died, memories of a hard childhood, or loneliness if you have no one to celebrate with. Yizkor, the memorial service held on Yom Kippur and certain festivals, can stir grief years after a loss.

The Blue Dove Foundation, now part of BeWell at the Jewish Federations of North America, offers mental health resources tied to the Jewish holidays.

Ways to care for yourself

• Accept an invitation from a synagogue or friend, even if you feel shy.
• Decide ahead of time how much you can take on.
• Light a candle or give tzedakah in memory of someone you miss.
• Plan something comforting for after the holiday.
• Tell one person the holiday may be hard for you.

Shiva is a seven-day period of mourning that begins after the funeral. It is observed for a parent, spouse, sibling or child. Mourners stay at home, do not go to work, and receive visitors who come to comfort them. Prayer services are often held in the home, where the mourner can say Kaddish.

Before the funeral, the period called aninut is focused on making arrangements, and formal condolence visits usually wait until shiva begins.

Visiting a shiva house

• Let the mourner start the conversation. Quiet presence is okay.
• A hug or a hand on the shoulder can say a lot.
• Share a memory of the person who died, if it feels right.
• Keep your visit fairly short. Mourners are often exhausted.
• Homemade or personally delivered food is a traditional kindness.

Sheloshim lasts until 30 days after burial. Mourners go back to work but still avoid entertainment and say Kaddish. For a parent, many mourning practices continue for a year, and Kaddish is traditionally said for 11 months.

This slow, staged return reflects something true about grief: it does not end after a week. Having a structure can help mourners feel held while the world moves on around them.

The Mourner’s Kaddish is an ancient prayer in Aramaic. It is said in memory of the dead, but it does not mention death. Instead, it praises God. It is traditionally said with a minyan.

Traditionally it is said for 30 days for a child, spouse or sibling, and for 11 months for a parent, and then each year on the yahrzeit and at Yizkor services. Customs vary: some say it daily, some on Shabbat, and practices about who says it differ between communities.

Even people who are not very religious often find comfort in Kaddish. It brings them into community regularly and gives structure to their grief.

The yahrzeit is the yearly anniversary of a death. Customs include saying Kaddish, lighting a memorial candle and giving tzedakah. Yizkor is a memorial service held on Yom Kippur and on certain festivals.

These days can bring grief back to the surface, even years later. That is normal. Plan something comforting for the day, and let people know it may be hard for you.

“Then the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” (Genesis 2:7, JPS 1917) And the last verse of Psalms: “Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Hallelujah.” (Psalm 150:6, JPS 1917)

Every breath can be a reminder that life is a gift. Slow breathing also calms the body: Cleveland Clinic suggests breathing in for four seconds and out for six, because a longer out-breath signals to your body that you are not in danger. Humming or singing with long tones, like a niggun, can help too.

A breath of thanks

1. Open a window or step outside.
2. Breathe in slowly for four counts.
3. Breathe out for six counts, silently saying “Hallelujah” or “Thank You.”
4. Repeat five times.

“Who sendest forth springs into the valleys; They run between the mountains.” (Psalm 104:10, JPS 1917) Water runs through Jewish life: washing hands on waking and before bread, immersion in the mikveh, and Tashlich at the water’s edge (see “Letting go of the weight” in the sibling guide Jewish faith & mental health).

Water also calms the body. Cleveland Clinic lists splashing cold water on your face as a simple way to help settle the nervous system, and a review of 35 studies linked time near the sea, lakes and rivers with better mental wellbeing.

Ways to use water to cope

• Do netilat yadayim slowly, noticing the water and the words.
• Splash cool water on your face when you feel overwhelmed.
• Walk by a river, lake or the sea, and say the blessing for creation if you see it rarely.
• Listen to rain or waves as you rest on Shabbat afternoon.

“Beside them dwell the fowl of the heaven, From among the branches they sing.” (Psalm 104:12, JPS 1917) And: “The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing is come…” (Song of Songs 2:12, JPS 1917)

Research backs up the comfort of birdsong. In a study of 1,292 people, moments of seeing or hearing birds were linked with better wellbeing that lasted beyond the moment, including for people with depression.

Ideas

• Say Modeh Ani or the morning blessings by an open window as the birds wake.
• On a walk, pause to listen and give thanks.
• Put out seeds or water for birds as an act of kindness to creatures.

The Mishnah teaches that on seeing extraordinary mountains, hills, seas, rivers and deserts, one says a blessing ending “…Author of creation” (oseh ma’aseh bereishit). (Mishnah Berakhot 9:2) Psalm 121, above, also begins by lifting the eyes to the mountains.

Standing before something vast, many people feel small in a good way. Researchers call this the “small self”: in one study, tourists facing the cliffs of Yosemite drew themselves nearly a third smaller than tourists in a busy city, and felt more awe. That feeling can put worries in perspective.

Ideas

• Plan a trip to the hills, the coast or a big sky and say the blessing.
• Look at the stars after Havdalah and take in how vast they are.
• Read Psalm 19 outdoors: “The heavens declare the glory of God.” (Psalm 19:2, JPS 1917)

“But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; And the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee; Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee…” (Job 12:7–8, JPS 1917)

Jewish life celebrates growing things, from Tu BiShvat, the new year for trees, to the willow and myrtle of Sukkot. Caring for plants is good for the mind too: a 2017 analysis of 22 studies linked gardening with less depression and anxiety and more life satisfaction.

Ideas

• Keep a plant and care for it as a small daily mitzvah of tending life.
• Plant a tree, or help with a synagogue or community garden.
• On Tu BiShvat, eat fruits slowly and give thanks for each.

Feeling that your life has meaning and that you make a difference is good for your mental health. When you are low, it can feel as if you have nothing to give. Even a small act of kindness can remind you that you do.

Small acts of tikkun olam

• Give tzedakah, even a small amount.
• Volunteer at a food bank or shelter.
• Visit someone who is lonely.
• Help a neighbour with a task.
• Pick up litter on a walk.

The world’s problems can feel huge, and caring about them can lead to worry or burnout. Remember Rabbi Tarfon: you are not required to finish the work, but you can do your part. (Pirkei Avot 2:16)

Ask yourself

• What issues do I care about most?
• What skills or time can I offer?
• Who could I do this with?
• What is one small step I can take this month?