When God feels far: Christian doubt & struggle

Many people first doubt when the simple answers they learned as children no longer fit adult life. Others doubt after loss, illness, trauma or unanswered prayer.

In Barna’s survey, about half of people who doubted said their faith was stronger afterwards. Others kept a quieter faith, and some left. Each path deserves respect.

Common fears

• “What if I lose my faith completely?”
• “What will my family or church think?”
• “Is God angry with me for asking?”
• “Am I letting everyone down?”

This might be about science and faith, suffering, other religions, parts of the Bible that trouble you, or whether God exists at all.

What can help

• Write your questions down, one at a time.
• Read thoughtful Christian writers who take hard questions seriously.
• Find a pastor, priest or friend who welcomes questions.
• Remember that the Church has wrestled with these questions for 2,000 years.

Struggles with God can include anger, disappointment or feeling punished or abandoned. Research summarized by the National Cancer Institute links feeling punished or abandoned by God with more emotional distress.

Some people struggle with guilt over things they have done, or with how to live by their values in a complicated world.

Struggles about ultimate meaning ask whether life has a deeper purpose. They often come after a big loss, illness or a life change.

Interpersonal struggles involve conflict or hurt with other people or institutions over faith, including anger at organized religion.

Sometimes what feels like doubt about God is really pain caused by people who spoke for God. It can help to separate the two.

Some people feel attacked or tormented by the devil or evil spirits. These fears can be very distressing.

Talk with a trusted pastor or priest, and also with a counselor or doctor. Frightening thoughts and experiences can have many causes, and you deserve full care for body, mind and spirit.

Psalm 22 begins: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning? My God, I cry in the daytime, but you don’t answer; in the night season, and am not silent.” (Psalm 22:1–2, WEB)

On the cross, “Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, ‘Eli, Eli, lima sabachthani?’ That is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Matthew 27:46, WEB)

“Yahweh, how long will I cry, and you will not hear? I cry out to you ‘Violence!’ and will you not save?” (Habakkuk 1:2, WEB)

Habakkuk’s whole book is a conversation with God about suffering and evil. He does not get every answer, but he keeps talking and waiting.

Asaph, a temple musician, admits that seeing unfair suffering nearly made him give up. “When I tried to understand this, it was too painful for me— until I entered God’s sanctuary.” (Psalm 73:16–17, WEB)

His turning point came in worship and community, not in winning an argument. Sometimes staying near God’s people, even with questions, gives faith room to breathe.

Job lost everything and argued with God about it for many chapters. His friends gave neat explanations and were wrong. In the end, God says Job spoke rightly, and his friends did not.

After her death, her letters were published as “Come Be My Light”. They revealed that for much of her life she could not feel God’s presence. She kept praying and caring for the poorest people, day and night, for many decades.

Some critics took this as proof she had lost her faith. Many Christians see it differently: as faithfulness that carried on without the comfort of feelings.

Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, and Jesus was tested in the desert for 40 days. Many Christians use these pictures for dry, confusing seasons that come before growth.

In a wilderness season

• Keep a very small daily practice, even one line of prayer.
• Let others pray and believe for you for a while.
• Notice small signs of goodness and write them down.
• Be honest with God that it feels empty.

Feeling far from God can be part of a spiritual season, a sign of depression, or both at once. You do not have to work out which before getting help.

Depression can make prayer feel empty and God feel distant. The National Cancer Institute notes that spiritual distress and depression often go together, and that a sense of meaning and peace is linked with less depression.

If the heaviness is not only about faith, but has spread to work, friends, sleep and the things you used to enjoy, and it has lasted weeks, it is worth talking with a counselor or your clinical provider.

The International OCD Foundation describes scrupulosity as OCD focused on religion or morals. People may have unwanted, upsetting thoughts about God or sin, and feel driven to pray, confess, seek reassurance or check their faith again and again.

Ordinary doubt is curious and wants to explore. OCD doubt feels urgent and frightening, and reassurance brings only short relief before the doubt comes back.

After abuse, violence or harm, especially in a religious setting, it is natural to question God or feel unsafe around faith. That is a wound, not a failure.

Almost 3 in 10 people who doubted stopped praying. If prayer feels impossible, try very short, honest prayers, or simply sit in silence.

Honest prayers

• “I want to believe. Help me.”
• “I don’t feel you. Please don’t let go of me.”
• “I’m angry, and I’m telling you because I still want you.”

Friends and family were the most common source of help for doubters in Barna’s survey. You do not need to share everything with everyone. One or two safe people are enough.

Ideas

• Read one question at a time, from writers who take it seriously.
• Join a small group or class that welcomes questions.
• Read the Psalms of lament, Job and Ecclesiastes.
• Ask a pastor, priest or spiritual director to read alongside you.

Big questions often unfold over months or years. It is fine to hold some things as “I don’t know yet” while you keep living by the values you do trust: love, honesty, kindness and justice.

Sleep, food, movement, time outdoors and time with people all affect how heavy spiritual questions feel. Looking after these basics is not avoiding the questions. It gives you strength to face them.

Signs of a safe person

• They have shared their own struggles.
• They keep confidences.
• They ask questions instead of rushing to answers.
• They will still love you if you end up in a different place.

Only 18% of doubters in Barna’s survey went to a pastor or spiritual leader. Many clergy have walked through doubt themselves and are glad to listen.

You could say

• “I’ve been having some questions about faith. Could I talk them through with you?”
• “I don’t need answers right now. I just need someone to listen.”
• “God has felt very far away lately, and I’m struggling.”

If someone shames you, threatens you or tells you doubt is a sin, it is okay to step back. You can look for another pastor, a spiritual director, a chaplain, a counselor or another Christian community.

Some people come through with a faith that is less certain but more honest, more humble and more compassionate toward others who struggle.

Moving between Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant or other churches is common. A new community may fit your questions and conscience better.

Leaving a faith can bring grief, family tension and loss of community. You deserve support whichever way your beliefs move.

Try

• Thank them for trusting you.
• Ask what they are wrestling with, and listen.
• Share your own struggles, if you have them.
• Keep inviting them to meals and gatherings, not just church.
• Pray for them privately, without pressure.

Avoid

• Quick answers or Bible verses used to end the conversation
• Warning them about hell or punishment
• Telling others without permission
• Treating them as a project to fix
• Pulling back your friendship

Questioning is a normal part of growing up. A calm, loving response keeps the relationship open, which matters more than winning any one conversation.

Reach out now

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential, 24/7. Text and chat are also available in Spanish.
• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, 24/7.
• If a life is in danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) lists free, confidential helplines in over 175 countries. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

The “Christian mental health stigma & finding care” guide helps you find a counselor who respects your beliefs. “Spiritual doubt & struggles” covers spiritual struggle across all faiths.