Christian holy days, fasting & wellbeing

Advent covers the four Sundays before Christmas. It prepares for the celebration of Jesus’ birth and looks ahead with hope.

For anyone who is waiting, for healing, for news, for a hard season to end, Advent says that waiting is part of faith, not a failure of it.

In many churches the Christmas season runs from December 25 until the Baptism of the Lord in early January.

The story begins with a baby laid in a manger, because there was no room for his family at the inn. Christmas has always had room for people who feel out of place.

Lent lasts about six weeks, starting on Ash Wednesday and preparing for Easter.

Lent invites honesty and change. It is meant to draw people closer to God, not to make them feel worthless. See “Lent without self-punishment” below.

The three days from Holy Thursday evening to Easter Sunday are the heart of the church year. The Easter season then lasts 50 days, to Pentecost.

Holy Week holds betrayal, grief and death before it reaches Easter morning. That makes it a season where people in pain can feel understood.

Spending more than you can afford often leads to worry in January. Many families find that simpler gifts, or one shared experience, mean more.

Ideas

• Set a spending limit and share it
• Draw names for one gift each
• Give time: a walk, a meal, a handwritten letter
• Give together to people in need

Choose the two or three things that matter most to you, like one service, one gathering, one tradition, and let the rest be optional.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness hasn’t overcome it.” (John 1:5, WEB) The light does not wait for the darkness to be gone. It shines in it.

If low mood lasts more than a couple of weeks, or is getting in the way of daily life, talk with your clinical provider or a counselor.

Blue Christmas or Longest Night services make room for grief, loneliness and pain during the holidays. They are often held near the winter solstice, around December 21, the longest night of the year.

People may light a candle and share a name, a grief or a hardship, with as much or as little detail as they choose. Music is quiet and lights are soft.

Ideas

• Light a candle for them at a service
• Hang an ornament or place a photo near the nativity
• Ask your church to remember them in prayer
• Cook their favorite holiday dish
• Give to a cause they cared about

Almost a third of adults in a 2025 poll said they were worried about being lonely over the holidays. You are far from the only one.

Ideas

• Go to a Christmas Eve or Easter service, even somewhere new
• Volunteer at a church meal or shelter
• Plan a call or video chat with someone at a set time
• Watch a livestreamed service
• Accept an invitation, even if it feels awkward

Ideas

• A short walk in the morning light
• Sit near a window for prayer or coffee
• Keep a steady wake-up time
• Plan something to look forward to each week

Light therapy uses a special bright light box. NIMH notes that people with certain eye conditions should check with a provider first, so talk with your clinical provider before you start.

Lighting one more Advent candle each Sunday can be a small, hopeful act in a dark season. Some families pray for one person they love each time they light it.

Ideas

• A daily five-minute prayer or psalm
• Calling a lonely relative each week
• Volunteering
• A gratitude list before bed
• Writing one kind note each week

“But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you are not seen by men to be fasting, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:17–18, WEB)

There is no need to compare your Lent with anyone else’s. A small, honest practice is enough.

If you find yourself repeating confessions, checking whether you broke your fast, or feeling unable to rest in forgiveness, that may be more than ordinary guilt.

Lent is a journey, not a test. Simply start again the next day. Many people find that grace means more after a stumble.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops says fasting applies on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday for ages 18 to 59. A person fasting may eat one full meal and two smaller meals that together are not a full meal. Abstaining from meat on Fridays in Lent applies from age 14.

People who are physically or mentally ill, including people with chronic illnesses, are excused, as are pregnant or nursing women.

Orthodox pastoral guidance recognizes that not everyone can fast to the same degree, and that each person keeps the fast their spiritual father sets for them.

Tell your priest about any health condition. Then talk with your clinical provider about what is safe for your body.

Before any food fast, talk with your clinical provider, especially if you have a health condition, are pregnant, or are a teen or older adult.

Other ways to fast

• Social media or news
• Shopping for things you do not need
• Gossip or complaining
• One comfort habit, replaced with prayer

For people who have lived with an eating disorder, fasting from food can stir up old patterns. Talk with your clinical provider and your pastor about a fast that does not involve food.

“But Mary was standing outside at the tomb weeping.” (John 20:11, WEB) Jesus asked her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Who are you looking for?” (John 20:15, WEB)

Then he said her name: “Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’ She turned and said to him, ‘Rabboni!’ which is to say, ‘Teacher!’” (John 20:16, WEB)

Easter did not begin with cheering. It began with tears, and with Jesus meeting someone in her grief and calling her by name.

“While they talked and questioned together, Jesus himself came near, and went with them… He said to them, ‘What are you talking about as you walk, and are sad?’” (Luke 24:15, 17, WEB)

Jesus asked about their sadness before he explained anything. If Easter finds you still grieving or questioning, you are in good company.

“You have turned my mourning into dancing for me. You have removed my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness…” (Psalm 30:11, WEB)

This is a promise about where the story is going, not a rule that you must feel joyful on Easter Sunday.

Some relatives may have stepped away from church. Others may have joined a different church or become more devout. Holy days can bring these differences to the surface.

What can help

• Invite, but do not pressure
• Agree ahead of time on what is expected
• Find a shared tradition outside church, like a meal or a walk
• Focus on time together, not on beliefs

If your faith has changed, holy days with family can bring grief, guilt or tension. You are allowed to choose how much you take part.

Ideas

• Decide how long you will stay
• Have your own way to get home
• Plan a quiet break, like a walk or a prayer outside
• Choose topics you will gently avoid

People who may need an invitation

• Someone who lost a loved one this year
• A new neighbor or international student
• An older person living alone
• A single parent

Try: “Thinking of you this Christmas. I know it might be hard without your dad.” Naming the person they miss often comforts more than avoiding it.

Ideas for churches

• Offer a Blue Christmas or Longest Night service
• Mention grief and loneliness in holiday prayers
• Have a quiet prayer space during busy services
• Share local helplines on bulletins or screens

Reach out now

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential, 24/7.
• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, 24/7.
• If a life is in danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) lists free, confidential helplines by phone, text or chat in many countries. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.