Toddler & preschooler sleep: bedtime battles, night waking & early rising

Most children this age sleep 12 to 14 hours and take two naps, usually moving to one afternoon nap between 12 and 18 months. Needs vary from child to child.

Some children who didn’t have separation anxiety as babies start showing it at 15 or 18 months, which can make bedtime harder.

Toddlers process new experiences in their dreams and can’t always tell pretend from real. Stress from changes, like a new sibling or a move, can bring more nightmares.

Growing independence is healthy. Offering small choices within the routine lets them feel in charge without derailing bedtime.

Imagination grows fast around 2½ to 3, and fear of the dark often shows up. Many children also move from a crib to a bed around now, and may wander out looking for you.

The preschool years are when most children stop napping. Children this age are also skilled at stalling: one more story, one more drink, one more hug.

A children’s hospital guide suggests letting your child know about 30 minutes before bedtime that it’s coming, then moving into calm activities like a bath, quiet music or books.

Small choices that help

• Which book (or two books, you pick the number)
• Which cup for water
• Which pajamas
• Which stuffed animal joins them
• Who does the bath tonight

The AAP suggests taking care of needs like water, a light or a slightly open door before bed, so your child is comfortable and has fewer reasons to call you back.

If your child gets up, the NHS suggests taking them back to bed with as little fuss as possible, and repeating this for several nights. A hospital guide adds: tell them you’ll check on them soon, and be consistent.

Praising your child for staying in bed, and offering a small reward like an extra bedtime story, can help.

The AAP notes that an angry response can make bedtime trouble worse, so patience pays off.

If your child wakes, the NHS suggests being as boring as possible and leaving the lights off. Zero to Three suggests brief reassurance without long chats.

When a new baby arrives, older children may go backwards a little and wake at night for attention. Zero to Three suggests one-on-one time in the day, keeping bedtime early and consistent, and slowly reducing night-time help.

Families make different choices about sharing a bed with older toddlers. If you want your child to sleep in their own bed, Zero to Three suggests preparing them with talks and a comfort object, moving out of their room gradually over several nights, and calmly returning them to their bed if they come to yours.

The AAP notes that sharing a bed can make it harder for a child to learn to fall asleep alone.

If waking comes with fever, ear pain, loud snoring or pauses in breathing, check in with your child’s doctor.

Zero to Three suggests talking about feelings, joining in pretend play, doing a room check together, and not brushing off the fear.

A night light or hallway light, and a stuffed animal that “protects” your child, can both help, according to Zero to Three.

Check any bedtime toy has no choking hazards, like buttons or loose stuffing.

Night terrors usually start from about age 4. Children may scream and look awake but aren’t, and won’t remember it. Sit nearby, keep them safe, and don’t try to wake them.

Safety steps

• Anchor dressers and shelves to the wall
• Fit guardrails snugly, with no gaps
• Keep the bed away from windows
• No top bunks or raised beds under age 6
• Put safety gates at the top and bottom of stairs
• Store cleaning products, small items and sharp tools out of reach

A bed feels less secure than a crib, so toddlers may get up to find you. Walk them back calmly, keep it brief, and praise them for staying in bed. Bedrails, a night light and a comfort object can help.

Keep the same bedtime and routine. It may take several nights of calmly returning your child to bed before it sticks.

If a sleep change is linked to a new baby, Zero to Three suggests preparing your child ahead of time with conversations and a comfort object, so it doesn’t feel like they were pushed out.

Zero to Three says most toddlers move to one afternoon nap between 12 and 18 months. A Cleveland Clinic pediatrician describes toddlers moving to one nap by age 2.

The NHS suggests avoiding long afternoon naps. Too many or too-long naps are one possible reason for early waking.

If your child is still napping and you’re fighting bedtime every night, try a shorter nap or an earlier one before dropping it completely.

When the nap goes, a short daily quiet time with books or calm play gives everyone a break. Zero to Three suggests starting with a goal of about 30 minutes and building up.

Group routines at childcare can make napping easier there. Zero to Three suggests copying the childcare nap routine at home and keeping weekend routines steady.

Going to bed too early or too late can both lead to early waking. If your child goes to bed before 7:30 p.m. and still wakes very early, a Cleveland Clinic pediatrician suggests moving bedtime later by about 10 minutes a night. Changes can take about 3 weeks.

Naps that are too long or too many are a common cause. On weekends, try not to let your child sleep more than an hour past their usual wake time.

For children who can read a clock, a sleep-wake clock or a simple alarm clock, not a phone, can help. Teach them it’s OK to get up when it shows the set time.

Bright morning light and active afternoons help set the body clock. Dimming lights in the evening is part of a calm routine.

In summer, light creeping in at dawn may wake some children. Darker curtains are worth a try.

The AAP suggests a quiet routine before bed, like a story, quiet music or a bath, and avoiding active play right before bed, which can overexcite toddlers.

Hospital guides suggest stopping screens at least 30 minutes to an hour before bed, and keeping tablets and phones out of the bedroom.

The AAP advises a consistent bedtime and wake time every day, including weekends.

Bring favorite books and comfort items when you travel, and return to regular sleep habits as soon as you can afterward. An occasional late night is fine; go back to the usual routine the next day.

Decide together

• Bedtime and wake-up time
• How many books and songs
• What you’ll say and do if your child gets up
• What happens with night waking or early rising
• Who does bedtime on which nights

It’s fine for one parent to lead bedtime. The other can support by handling the bath, tidying up, or taking the next night. If you disagree, talk about it later, away from your child.

Passing your bedtime routine on to anyone who puts your child to bed helps them feel secure.

If you parent alone, a short, simple routine you can manage when tired works better than an ambitious one. If your child has two homes, try to agree on a few key bedtime basics. Healthy co-parenting has more ideas.

The AAP notes that staying patient helps, because angry responses can make bedtime trouble worse. That goes for how parents treat each other too.

Exhausted, overwhelmed parents can reach out too. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, any time.

A free, 24/7 text line with trained crisis counselors.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) is a free directory of verified helplines in many countries, by phone, text or chat.