When your baby cries every time you put them down

Researchers at RIKEN in Japan describe a “transport response”: babies calm down when carried by a caregiver who is walking. Their heart rate slows and crying stops.

In the same study, every baby showed body changes, like heart-rate shifts, at the moment they were separated from the caregiver. That’s why the put-down moment is so sensitive.

When a newborn’s head moves suddenly or falls back, they fling out their arms and legs, then pull them in, and may cry loudly. This reflex usually peaks in the first month and starts to fade after about 2 months.

Lowering your baby slowly, keeping a hand on them, can make the move feel less sudden.

In the RIKEN study, babies who had been asleep longer before being laid down were less likely to wake. Giving sleep a few more minutes in your arms can help.

Babies cry when they’re hungry, too hot or cold, need a diaper change, have wind, or feel unwell. A baby who is uncomfortable after feeds and spits up a lot may need a check with the doctor.

A review of 28 studies found babies fussed and cried about 2 hours a day on average in the first 6 weeks, falling to about 68 minutes by 10 to 12 weeks.

The CDC describes a period of increased crying between about 4 and 20 weeks that gets better as babies grow.

ZERO TO THREE says nurturing babies when they are fussy or crying a lot makes them feel safe, and makes it more likely they’ll learn to calm themselves as they grow.

Temperament affects how easily a baby settles. A baby who needs a lot of holding isn’t a sign that you’re doing anything wrong.

Couches and armchairs are never safe places for babies to sleep. The risk of sleep-related death is up to 67 times higher when a baby sleeps with someone on a couch, soft armchair or cushion.

If you feel your eyes getting heavy, put your baby on their back in their crib or bassinet, even if they wake up.

The AAP advises against bed sharing. If you think you might fall asleep while feeding or holding your baby in bed, remove pillows and blankets first, and move your baby back to their own sleep space as soon as you wake.

Falling asleep with your baby is especially risky after alcohol, cannabis or anything that makes you drowsy, or if you smoke or vape.

Whether in your arms or a carrier, make sure you can see your baby’s face, their nose and mouth aren’t covered by fabric or your body, and their chin isn’t pressed to their chest.

If two adults are home, one can hold the baby while the other rests in a different room. Swap before the holder gets sleepy.

Babies who had been asleep longer were less likely to wake when laid down. A few extra minutes in your arms may save you 20 minutes of resettling.

A sudden backward movement can set off the startle reflex. Lower your baby slowly, keeping them close to your body for as long as you can.

Ideas families try

• Keep a hand on their chest or tummy for a minute after they’re down
• Lower them slowly, close to your body, so the move feels smooth
• Make soft shushing sounds as you move them

Swaddling can help some babies feel secure. Always place a swaddled baby on their back, keep it loose at the hips, and stop as soon as your baby looks like they’re trying to roll, usually around 3 to 4 months, but it can be earlier.

Never use weighted swaddles, sleepers or blankets.

Only a fitted sheet on a firm, flat mattress. Inclined or tilted surfaces aren’t safe for sleep. A pacifier at naps and bedtime is recommended and lowers SIDS risk, even if it falls out.

The AAP suggests calming sounds like white noise, a fan or a recording of a heartbeat. Rhythmic noise can help a baby settle.

Gentle strokes on the head or back are among the AAP’s soothing ideas. A still, warm hand on the chest is another way many parents stay close without lifting.

Many babies are calmed by sucking. Offer a pacifier, or help your baby find their thumb or fingers. For breastfed babies, wait until feeding is going well before offering a pacifier.

In the early months, responding promptly is what the AAP advises. Pick up, calm, and try the transfer again. Some days it takes several tries, and some days it won’t work at all.

Keep your baby high, upright and snug, with their face visible and chin off their chest. Babies under 4 months are at most risk in sling-style carriers, so check on them often.

Don’t use a carrier while cooking, having hot drinks, running or cycling.

Give your baby plenty of tummy time while they’re awake and someone is watching. Lying next to them on the floor, talking and smiling, still counts as closeness.

If your baby falls asleep in a car seat, stroller, swing or carrier, move them onto their back on a firm, flat surface as soon as you can. Sitting devices aren’t for routine sleep.

Things that can wait or be simplified

• Cooking: one-handed snacks, frozen meals, food from friends
• Errands: delivery or a helper
• Housework: the bare minimum
• Visitors: only those who help

When you feel tense or anxious, the AAP suggests letting another adult take over and getting out of the house for an hour or two.

It may take your baby a little while to settle with someone new. That’s normal, and they get better at it with practice.

Ways families split it

• One adult takes the fussy evening hours, the other takes the morning
• One handles feeds, the other handles walking and settling
• Each adult gets one guaranteed nap a day

Be specific: “Could you come Thursday at 3 and walk the baby while I sleep?” is easier to say yes to than “Let me know if you can help.”

The CDC encourages friends, family and neighbors to offer new parents a break.

Safe sleep advice has changed over the years. Make sure every caregiver knows: back to sleep, alone, in a bare crib, and never dozing with the baby on a couch.

A calm-down plan

1. Put your baby on their back in a crib or play yard with nothing else in it.
2. Leave the room. Take slow breaths or count to 10.
3. Call a friend, relative or helpline, or put on music.
4. Check on your baby every 5 to 10 minutes.
5. Pick them up again when you feel calm.

Small things that help

• Bend at the knees, not the waist, when lifting
• Change arms and positions often
• Drink water and eat something when you sit down to hold
• Keep your phone, a drink and a snack within reach

Strong mood changes, or ones that last longer than 2 weeks after birth, may be perinatal depression. It can affect any parent, and it usually needs treatment to get better.

If you feel depressed or are struggling to manage your emotions, the AAP encourages you to tell your own doctor.

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