Play, brain & big feelings

Play is a key to “executive function”: the skills that let us plan, focus, remember instructions, and handle more than one thing at a time. These skills are the foundation for learning at school and in life.

How play builds it

• Blocks and puzzles: spotting a problem, trying a fix, trying again
• Stacking cups, shape sorters and pull toys: “When I do this, that happens”
• Games with rules: remembering, waiting and planning ahead
• Make-believe: holding a story in mind and changing it

When a child pretends to be a doctor, a parent or a grumpy dragon, they practice seeing the world through someone else’s eyes. Dolls, stuffed animals and make-believe let children try out big feelings in a safe way.

What it builds

• Calming down and self-control
• Understanding how others feel (empathy)
• Working through scary or confusing experiences
• Bouncing back: rebuilding a fallen tower teaches “I can try again”

Play is full of talking: narrating a story, giving toys voices, asking “what happens next?” Back-and-forth talk with a caring adult builds the brain’s language connections.

What it builds

• New words and longer sentences
• Listening and taking turns in conversation
• Reading body language and facial expressions
• Following and giving instructions (think “Simon Says”)

Moving and touching are how young children explore the world. Physical and hands-on play builds both the body and the brain’s ability to make sense of what it feels, sees and hears.

What it builds

• Fine motor skills: blocks, small figures, crayons, clay and crafts strengthen hands and hand-eye coordination
• Gross motor skills: balls, ride-on toys, climbing and running build balance and strength
• Sensory skills: different textures, shapes, sounds and colors
• Physical confidence from outdoor play

Active play is good for feelings too. Regular active play and exercise can help with stress, anxiety, low mood and anger.

Play acts as a buffer against the harm of stress. In one study the AAP describes, 3- and 4-year-olds who played for 15 minutes were twice as relieved of their anxiety about starting preschool as children who listened to a story.

What it builds

• A sense of achievement and self-esteem
• A “growth mindset”: effort helps me get better
• Feeling safe: favorite toys and comfort objects help children feel secure
• A happy, calmer body after joyful play

Screens can crowd out real play. Real, back-and-forth play with people is better for young children’s learning than digital media.

At this age, play is mostly about connection. Copying your baby’s sounds and answering their smiles builds the base for language and social skills.

Try

• Change your baby’s position so they see the world from new angles, including supervised tummy time
• Copy their coos and babbles, then pause for their “reply”
• Show colorful objects and let them explore safe textures
• Smile back when your baby smiles

Babies this age love to explore and discover that their actions make things happen.

Try

• Chase bubbles or play on the grass outdoors
• Let them see their faces in a mirror
• Make a safe space to crawl and explore
• Place a few toys within reach so they can pull them out
• Play peek-a-boo, or hide a toy under a blanket for them to find

Toddlers learn through doing. Unstructured play, where children lead, lets them follow their own curiosity.

Try

• Blocks, empty containers, wooden spoons, shape sorters and puzzles
• Read together, then act out the story and ask “what happens next?”
• Simple pretend play, like sipping from an empty cup
• Sing songs and move to the beat; try Simon Says
• Supervised playdates with other toddlers
• Walking, jumping and standing on one leg

Pretend play gets richer at this age. A little boredom is OK: it can spark creativity.

Try

• Dress-up clothes and props for imaginary scenes
• Hopping, swinging, climbing and somersaults
• “Playing house” while helping with real chores
• Regular time with friends to practice sharing and taking turns
• Singing, dancing and drawing
• Telling stories and asking what they remember

Play still matters as children grow. Outdoor play builds balance, spatial awareness and attention, and recess gives children a needed break from structured lessons.

Try

• Board games and games with rules
• Free time outdoors, with friends when possible
• Hobbies they choose themselves
• Watching or playing age-appropriate media together, rather than alone

It can be too hard for a child to say “I’m scared about Grandpa being sick.” But a teddy bear can be scared. Dolls, action figures and make-believe give feelings a little distance, which makes them easier to show.

What you might see

• Toy animals fighting, hiding or getting lost
• Playing “hospital”, “school” or “moving house” again and again
• Stories where a character is sad, angry or left out

You can gently comment on what you see, like “There are a lot of fights going on.” This can open a conversation without pressure.

Playtime is a perfect moment to name emotions. When children learn to describe what they feel, they can say it instead of acting it out, which can mean fewer meltdowns and better communication.

Try saying

• “It looks like your bear is feeling angry. What happened?”
• “That tower falling seemed frustrating.”
• “You look proud of that drawing!”
• “Is Bunny feeling lonely over there?”

You can model calming tools inside the game. Children copy what they see and, over time, use those tools on their own.

Try saying

• “Let’s help Teddy take a big, slow breath.”
• “Dino is so mad! Let’s count to 10 with him.”
• “Bunny needs a hug and a quiet spot to feel better.”

Practicing in calm moments makes the skill easier to reach in a hard moment. Over time, these little rituals help the body settle faster.

Play is a rehearsal space for real life. What happens when a toy feels left out, or two characters get angry? Children can try different endings without real-world consequences.

Try asking

• “What could Dino do instead of yelling?”
• “How could the bunnies share the swing?”
• “What would help the little car feel brave?”

When children feel close to a caring adult, their bodies calm through trust and safety. Joyful, shared play helps regulate the body’s stress response and builds the bond between you.

What helps

• Getting down to their level
• Warm eye contact and a soft voice
• Physical closeness, if your child likes it
• Coming back to play together, day after day

The child is free to explore the playroom. The therapist acts as a guide, offering tools that help the child tell their story. Some approaches let the child lead (often called child-centered play therapy). Others are more structured, with the therapist giving more direction.

Things you might find in a playroom

• Dollhouses, dolls and puppets
• Sand trays with small figures
• Art supplies and clay
• Stuffed animals and building toys
• Costumes, board games, books and music

Play therapy is used for emotional and behavioral difficulties, and to help children heal after stressful or frightening experiences, such as parents separating or a move between homes. It is most often used with children ages about 3 to 12.

It is used for

• Anxiety and worry
• Sadness and low mood
• Anger and behavior problems
• Trouble with relationships
• Coping after a loss, a change, or a frightening event

A large review of 93 studies found that play therapy helped children, and it worked equally well for boys and girls, at different ages, and for different problems.

Children can learn to…

• Express feelings in healthy ways, with and without words
• Put their thoughts and feelings into words over time
• Solve problems and think more flexibly through make-believe
• Cooperate, share, take turns and understand others

Because it follows a child’s natural way of learning, play therapy can feel less scary than sitting and talking.

In the large review of play therapy studies, involving parents led to the biggest improvements. Some approaches, sometimes called filial therapy, teach parents special ways to play with their own child at home.

How you might be involved

• Sharing your child’s history and what you have noticed
• Regular check-ins with the therapist
• Learning play skills to use at home
• Practicing new routines between sessions

Steps to take

1. Talk with your child’s doctor about what you have noticed.
2. Ask for a referral to a mental health professional who works with children.
3. Ask your child’s school counselor for local options.
4. Look for a licensed counselor, psychologist or social worker with special training in play therapy (in the U.S., some are “Registered Play Therapists”).
5. Check what your health insurance covers.

Good questions to ask

• Is your approach backed by research?
• How will parents be involved?
• How will we know if it is helping?
• About how long might it take?

Fewer safe places to play is one reason children play less than they used to. The AAP encourages families to speak up for safe playgrounds in their community.

Ways to help

• Ask your local council or parks team about playground upkeep
• Join or start a park clean-up day
• Share safe, free play spots with other families

The AAP estimates about 30% of U.S. kindergarten children no longer have recess. It encourages families to ask schools to offer recess and playful learning alongside structured lessons.

Ways to help

• Ask your child’s school how much recess there is
• Support parent groups that speak up for play

Playing with peers helps children practice sharing, taking turns and cooperating. The AAP suggests supervised playdates for toddlers and regular time with friends for preschoolers.

Places to find other families

• Child care or preschool
• Faith and cultural communities
• Library story times and play groups
• Neighbors and local parent groups

Stress, money worries and isolation make it harder for any adult to slow down and play. Getting support for yourself is part of supporting your child’s play.

Places to start

• 211 (U.S.) for local help with food, housing, bills and caregiver resources
• A friend or relative who can share playtime
• Parent groups at school, a library or faith community