Living with your grandparents: for kids & teens

Some parents have an illness in their body or their mind that makes it too hard to look after a child right now. Doctors and other helpers can work on getting them better.

Addiction is a disease. It can make a parent act in ways that aren’t safe, even when they love you very much.

Some kids have a parent who is in jail or prison. You might be able to write, call or visit. Your grandparents can find out what’s possible.

If your mom or dad has died, it’s normal to feel sad, angry or numb, sometimes all in one day. Keeping photos and stories can help you feel close to them.

Sometimes grown-ups don’t explain because they’re trying to protect you, or they don’t know what to say. You’re allowed to ask questions. The “Questions I want to ask” worksheet can help.

Grieving someone who is still alive, but who can’t always be there for you, is called ambiguous grief. It can feel confusing because nobody has died, but you still feel a loss.

Anger is normal when life feels unfair. Try moving your body, drawing it out, or telling someone “I’m really angry today.”

Lots of kids feel calmer at their grandparents’ house, and then feel bad about that. You can feel safe here and still love your mom or dad.

It’s natural to worry. Grown-up problems are for grown-ups to solve. You can tell someone what you’re worried about so you don’t have to carry it alone.

Millions of kids live with grandparents or other relatives. Families come in all shapes, and yours is a real family.

• Draw a picture or write a letter (you can send it or keep it)
• Keep a memory box with photos and special things
• Listen to a song that reminds you of them
• Make a calendar for calls or visits

You might feel excited, nervous, or upset after saying goodbye. Plan something calm for after a visit, like a walk or a favourite show.

If a parent misses a call or visit, it’s about what’s going on for them, not about how lovable you are. Tell your grandparent how you feel.

Sometimes kids feel scared, angry or just not ready. Tell a trusted adult. They can help work out what’s safe and what feels right.

What you could say

• “I live with my grandparents.”
• “My mom can’t take care of me right now, so I live with my grandma.”
• “That’s private, but thanks for asking.”

If a friend has been kind and keeps your secrets, you might tell them more. Notice how you feel afterward. Good friends don’t gossip about it.

Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and family tree projects can sting. You or your grandparent can ask the teacher if you can do “people who care for me” instead.

Walk away and tell an adult you trust, like a teacher, counselor or your grandparent.

If a rule feels unfair, ask about it calmly at a good time. “Can we talk about my phone time?” works better than arguing in the moment.

Most grandparents raising grandkids are 60 or older. They may need more rest. You might teach them about your apps, and they might teach you things they know.

Helping with chores is good for everyone. But if you’re looking after younger kids or a grandparent so much that school, sleep or friends suffer, tell a trusted adult.

This is a really common worry. It’s OK to ask, “Who would look after me if you got sick?” Many grandparents make a backup plan, and knowing it can help you feel safer.

Car rides, cooking together or walking the dog can make it easier to talk than sitting face to face.

• “Can I ask you something about Mom?”
• “I’ve been feeling sad and I don’t know why.”
• “Will I live here for a long time?”
• “Can you tell me a story about my dad when he was little?”

Some people raised in grandfamilies remember being told to get busy with chores instead of talking about feeling down. Many grandparents grew up when mental health wasn’t talked about. If yours doesn’t get it, try a school counselor or another trusted adult too.

You might want to message a parent yourself. Think about telling your grandparent first, especially if there are rules about contact for safety reasons. They can help if it goes badly.

LGBTQ+ young people are at higher risk of mental health struggles because of how they’re sometimes treated, not because of who they are. Support from family helps.

Some teens worry they’ll end up with the same problems as their parent. Family history is only one part of your life. Your choices, your supports and your strengths matter a lot.

Ask your grandparent or school counselor about the papers you’ll need for things like a job, a driving permit or college, such as a birth certificate or Social Security card.

School counselors help lots of kids with family changes. You can ask to see them by yourself.

Think of grown-ups who are kind, keep their promises and listen. Write them on the “My trusted people” worksheet.

Counseling can help kids who are separated from their parents. Ask your grandparent about it if things feel heavy.

Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. You can reach out about any kind of emotional pain, not just thoughts of suicide.

Text HOME to 741741 in the U.S.

Call or text 1-800-422-4453 (1-800-4-A-CHILD), any time. Counselors can help you work out what to do.

Find A Helpline lists free, confidential helplines around the world, including ones for kids and teens.