Staying safe inside: bullying, gangs, violence & pressure

Being watchful can keep you safe. But a body that never rests wears down. Find small moments to let your guard drop a little: during a phone call, a faith service, a class, or a book.

When you feel threatened, anger can feel safer than fear. Noticing “I’m scared, not just angry” can help you choose your next move instead of reacting.

Some people cope by going quiet and pulling away from everyone. A little privacy is healthy. But total isolation can make low mood worse, so keep at least one safe connection.

Common courtesies

• Ask before touching or using someone’s things
• Don’t stare or crowd people
• Keep your area clean
• Respect shared spaces like phones, showers and TV
• Wait your turn

Getting pulled into other people’s arguments, gossip or deals can make you a target. You can be friendly without getting involved.

Making promises you can’t keep, or saying things you don’t mean, can lead to conflict. It is okay to say “I’ll think about it” or “I can’t do that.”

Many places have a strong code against telling staff anything. That pressure is real, and it is worth being careful. But you always have the right to protect yourself from abuse, and there are private ways to report.

Someone may offer you things in your first days, when you have nothing. Politely saying no is often the safest choice. “I’m good, thanks” is enough.

Card games and sports bets can turn into debts you can’t pay. Avoid betting things you don’t have.

Phrases you can use

• “I don’t do loans.”
• “I’m good, but thanks.”
• “I’m keeping things simple while I’m here.”

Steps that can help

• Don’t borrow from someone else to pay it off
• Talk to a counselor, case manager or chaplain
• If you are being threatened, tell staff and ask about a safer housing option

Saying yes once can lead to more demands and more risk, including new charges. Saying no can feel dangerous too. If you feel trapped, talk privately with staff or a counselor about your safety.

Programs, classes, work assignments and faith groups can help you meet people in calmer settings. Being part of a positive group can make you less of a target.

National data show that gay, lesbian and bisexual people and people with mental health conditions report more sexual victimization inside. You have the right to tell staff you feel vulnerable, and this can be considered in housing decisions.

In many places, people who are polite, keep to themselves and stay out of group business are left alone. You can be respectful to everyone without joining anyone.

Phrases you can use

• “I respect that, but I’m just doing my time.”
• “I’m focused on getting home to my kids.”
• “My faith keeps me out of that.”

• Classes and education programs
• Faith communities
• Recovery and peer groups
• Sports, art or music programs
• Work assignments

If you are in a group and want to leave, talk privately with staff, a counselor or a chaplain about your safety first. Some facilities have programs or housing for people stepping away.

• Keep your hands open and relaxed
• Give the other person space
• Stand at a slight angle, not squared up
• Keep your voice low and slow

• “My bad, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
• “We’re good.”
• “Let’s leave it.”

You don’t have to win the argument. Letting someone keep their pride can end things fast.

Try this

• Breathe out slowly, longer than you breathe in
• Count to ten in your head
• Press your feet into the floor
• Leave the area if you can, and come back later

Under PREA standards, facilities should offer several private ways to report sexual abuse, harassment or retaliation. There should be at least one way to report to an outside organization that is not part of the facility, and you can ask to stay anonymous.

Staff are expected to accept reports that are spoken, written, anonymous, or made by someone else for you, such as a family member.

Facilities are expected to give you addresses and phone numbers for outside victim advocates or rape crisis organizations, and to let you contact them as confidentially as possible. Staff should tell you how much of that contact is monitored.

Facilities are expected to protect people who report, or who help with an investigation, from retaliation by others. This can include housing changes, and checking for retaliation for at least 90 days.

• Get to a safe place and tell any staff member you trust
• Ask for medical care, even if you feel okay
• If you can, avoid showering or changing clothes until you have been seen, as it can help with evidence
• You can ask for an outside advocate to support you

Families can make third-party reports to the facility. Just Detention International (justdetention.org) works to end sexual abuse in detention and has information for survivors and families.

Outside, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673, free and confidential, 24/7.

You can usually ask any officer, a counselor or a unit manager. Be clear and specific: “I have been threatened and I am not safe on this unit.” Keep a note of who you told and when.

In some places, protective custody means more time in a cell and less access to programs. That can be hard on the mind. Ask what it will be like before you decide, if there is time.

Under PREA standards, people at high risk of sexual abuse should not be placed in involuntary segregated housing unless no other option will keep them safe. It should usually not last more than 30 days, and should be reviewed every 30 days. People should still get programs and work as much as possible.

Some injuries don’t show right away, especially to the head. Ask for medical care, and keep a note of the date.

Mental health staff, a chaplain or a trusted peer can help you make sense of what happened. Writing about it in a private journal can also help.

If nightmares, fear or anger don’t ease after a few weeks, ask for a mental health appointment. Trauma-focused support can help.