The first days in jail or prison: shock, fear & finding your feet

Numbness is the mind’s way of slowing down a flood of feelings. You may move through intake like a robot, or forget what people told you. This usually eases with time.

What can help

• Ask people to repeat things, or write them down
• Focus on the next small task only
• Notice your feet on the floor and your breath going out slowly

Fear is your body trying to protect you. Your heart may pound and your thoughts may jump to the worst. You don’t have to solve your whole future tonight.

What can help

• Breathe in for 4 and out for 6, a few times
• Name the fear in one sentence, then the next small step
• Remind yourself: “Right now, in this minute, I am getting through.”

Many people feel deep shame after an arrest, whatever the charge. Shame says “I am bad.” But you are a whole person, with a past and a future, not one moment.

You may be worried about children, a partner, a pet, rent or a job. This is a real loss, and grief is a natural response. Write down your worries so you can bring them to a call, a lawyer or a counselor.

If you were using alcohol or drugs before your arrest, stopping suddenly can make your body and mood feel terrible. Some kinds of withdrawal can be dangerous.

What to do

• Tell medical staff honestly what you were using and how often
• Tell staff right away if you feel very sick, shaky or confused
• You can also ask about recovery groups once you feel steadier

Staff usually record your name and details, take a photo and fingerprints, and store your belongings. You may be searched and given facility clothing.

Tips

• Ask for a receipt or list of your property
• Ask how and when you can make a phone call
• Write down important phone numbers if you are allowed, since your phone will be stored

Most places ask health questions at intake. This is your chance to tell staff about health conditions, mental health care you were getting, pregnancy, and alcohol or drug use.

Tell them about

• Any thoughts of hurting yourself, now or in the past
• Any care you were getting before, and who provided it
• Health conditions that need regular care
• Pregnancy
• Recent alcohol or drug use

Under U.S. federal standards known as PREA, facilities are expected to screen people for risk of sexual abuse, usually within 72 hours of arrival, and again within 30 days. The questions can include past abuse, disability, age, and whether you see yourself as vulnerable.

You cannot be disciplined for refusing to answer the questions about disability, sexual orientation or gender identity, past abuse, or feeling vulnerable. Answering honestly can help staff house you more safely.

Under PREA standards, people should get information at intake about the facility’s zero-tolerance policy on sexual abuse and how to report it, and fuller education within 30 days.

Ask about

• How to request health or mental health care
• How to send mail and set up calls
• The daily schedule and count times
• The rule book or handbook, if there is one

You may spend time in a holding or intake area before being moved to a housing unit. In prison, people often go through a reception or classification stage before moving to their longer-term facility.

• Feeling hopeless, trapped or like a burden
• Feeling like your family would be better off without you
• Not eating or sleeping for days
• Planning to give away your things
• Thinking about death or ending your life

• Crying a lot, or not speaking at all
• Giving things away or saying goodbye
• Saying things like “I can’t do this” or “No one would care”
• Very bad news from court or home

You can ask them gently how they are doing. If you are worried, tell staff. Getting someone help is not snitching. It can save a life.

In a crisis, the mind can tell you that this moment will last forever. It won’t. Court dates move, news changes, and people get through things they never thought they could.

For the next hour

• Breathe slowly and feel your feet on the floor
• Hold on to one reason, even a small one
• Talk to someone: staff, a chaplain, a cellmate you trust

Include

• What you are feeling, in plain words
• How long it has been going on
• How it affects your sleep, eating or day
• Care that helped you before

Keep a note of the date you sent it. If you don’t hear back, send another one and mention the first.

• “I am not safe right now.”
• “I was getting mental health care before I came in.”
• “I can’t sleep and my mind won’t stop.”
• “I need to talk to someone today.”

Chaplains often listen without judgment and can help with grief, fear and hope. Many will also help people who are not religious. Faith services and study groups can be a calmer place to meet people.

Try this

• Cover your eyes with a folded shirt or towel, if allowed
• Count slow breaths backward from 100
• Rest your body even if you can’t sleep. Rest still helps
• Tense and relax each part of your body, from toes to face

Stress can take away hunger. Try to eat something at each meal and drink water through the day. If you have dietary needs for health or faith reasons, ask staff how to request them.

Stretching, walking when you can, or a few simple exercises help use up the stress energy in your body. Start small and go at your own pace. If you have health conditions, check with health staff first.

• Name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you can touch
• Press your palms together and hold for 10 seconds
• Slow breathing: in for 4, out for 6

Ask staff how calls work. Many places use prepaid accounts that family can add money to. Calls are usually recorded, except approved calls with your lawyer.

Tips

• Keep calls short and planned at first, to make money last
• Don’t talk about your case on recorded calls. Save that for your lawyer
• Make a list of what to say before you call

Ask about mail rules, such as what can be sent in and how to address it. Letters let you share feelings at your own pace, and they can be re-read on hard nights.

Many places require visitors to be approved first. Ask how to add people to your list, and share the facility’s visiting rules with them.

If you can’t afford a lawyer for a criminal case, ask the court about a public defender. For other problems like housing, debt or family law, free civil legal aid may help.

The Legal Services Corporation’s website has a tool to find free civil legal aid near you.

Thinking about months or years at once can feel crushing. Try to get through this meal, this count, this night. Each one you finish is a small win.

Ideas

• A prayer, a quiet moment or a few slow breaths
• Five stretches when you wake
• Writing one thing you got through today

Write every worry down, then sort it: things I can do something about, things for my lawyer, and things I can’t control right now. It helps the mind stop circling.

Ask about the library, classes or programs. Even a book, a deck of cards or a crossword can give your mind a rest from worry.

Write down the people, hopes and values that matter to you. Keep the list where you can see it. On hard days, read it slowly.

If your loved one has a mental health condition, has talked about suicide, or needs regular health care, you can call the facility and ask to share this with medical or mental health staff. You can also tell their lawyer.

Find out how mail, calls and visits work, and whether you can add money to a phone account. Even a short note saying “I’m here” can help someone get through the first nights.

Fear, anger, shame and grief are common for families. Lean on people you trust, and look for family support groups.