Families across borders
Love doesn’t stop at a border. You can stay close across oceans and time zones, and care for yourself while you do.
By the numbers
How many families live across borders, and what research shows.
World
Children
What is a family across borders?
Many shapes of family, held together across distance.
A family across borders (sometimes called a transnational family) is one whose members live in different countries but still share love, duties and decisions. Around the world, 304 million people live outside the country they were born in, and many have family elsewhere.
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Often a parent moves first, and children stay with grandparents or other relatives. These separations can last many years.
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Some couples live apart while one partner works, studies or waits for papers. Loneliness, trust worries and carrying the household alone are common strains.
What helps
- Make decisions together, even from far away
- Share ordinary moments, not only problems
- Talk honestly about how long the separation might last
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Many adults worry about parents they can’t easily visit. If you live an hour or more away from someone you help care for, you are a long-distance caregiver.
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Some families are scattered across three or four countries. Group chats, shared holidays online and passing news along can keep a whole extended family connected.
Children raised by relatives back home
What research says, and what helps children feel secure.
Many children grow up with grandparents, aunts or uncles while parents work abroad. A 2018 review of 111 studies in low- and middle-income countries found these children had a higher risk of depression and anxiety than children whose parents had not migrated.
Stability seems to matter a lot. A large study in Ghana, Nigeria and Angola found that changing caregivers was linked to poorer wellbeing in all three countries. In Ghana and Nigeria, being raised by a relative rather than a parent was not linked to poorer wellbeing on its own.
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Because changing caregivers was linked to poorer wellbeing, it helps to plan carefully who will care for a child and to avoid moving them between homes when you can.
Ideas
- Agree on rules and routines together with the caregiver
- Have a back-up plan if the caregiver becomes ill
- Keep the same school and friends where possible
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Explain in simple words why a parent is away and that they are loved. Avoid promising dates you can’t be sure of. “I don’t know yet, but I will tell you when I know” is honest and kind.
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Raising a child again later in life can be tiring and lonely. Thank them often, share decisions, and ask what support they need.
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- Changes in sleep or eating that don’t settle
- Losing interest in friends or play
- Ongoing sadness, worry or anger
- Struggling at school
If these last for weeks, talk with a teacher, school counsellor or clinical provider.
Staying close on screens
Video calls, voice notes and rituals across time zones.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says video chatting with loved ones is fine for babies and young children. They call it “relationship time”, not screen time.
Around 18 to 24 months, toddlers start to understand that a person on a screen is real. Young children can even learn words over video when an adult responds to them.
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- Explain if the call drops or freezes
- Keep a regular call time
- Link calls to routines, like breakfast or bedtime stories
- Play peek-a-boo, sing or show toys
- Turn off the TV and other distractions
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- Cook the same recipe at the same time
- Keep a shared photo album
- Read the same book and talk about it
- Send voice notes about ordinary things
- Watch a match or show “together” while messaging
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Calls can bring comfort and also remind you of the distance. Some people feel sad or tired after hanging up. That is a normal sign of how much you care.
Plan something gentle for after hard calls, like a walk, a cup of tea or time with a friend nearby.
Visits: joy, goodbyes & coming back
Why visits can be wonderful and exhausting at the same time.
Visits can be the highlight of the year. They can also be intense: so many people to see, so much to fit in, and a goodbye waiting at the end.
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Children grow, parents age, and home may feel different. You may feel like a guest in the place you grew up. This is common and doesn’t mean you don’t belong.
Ideas
- Choose a few things that matter most, not everything
- Leave quiet time to rest
- Talk about hopes for the visit before you arrive
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Ways to make goodbyes gentler
- Leave a small object behind and take one with you
- Plan the next call before you leave
- Say goodbye properly, especially to children
- Talk about when you might meet again, if you can
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After a visit, daily life can feel quiet and grey. Give yourself a few gentle days, keep in touch, and lean on people near you.
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Some people can’t travel home for years. This can bring grief, frustration and guilt. Those feelings make sense.
Caring for parents from far away
Practical steps for long-distance caregivers.
If you live an hour or more away from a relative you help, you are a long-distance caregiver. You may arrange care, help with bills or talk with doctors, and you are probably a big source of emotional support.
Steps that make it more manageable
- Learn about your loved one’s health and treatments.
- Keep important papers organised and in one place.
- Make sure at least one caregiver has written permission to receive medical and money information.
- If possible, have one person talk with all the health care providers.
- Schedule regular calls with providers and care staff, and update trusted family.
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Siblings who live close may carry daily tasks, while those far away help in other ways, like money, research, paperwork or calls. Talking openly about who does what can prevent resentment.
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Many people abroad feel torn between their life now and their duty to parents. You can care deeply even from far away.
Missing big moments & grieving from afar
Weddings, births, illness and funerals you can’t attend.
One of the hardest parts of living far away is missing life’s big moments. When someone dies back home and you can’t travel, grief can feel lonely and unfinished.
A study of Mexican immigrants in the U.S. without legal status found that not being able to travel home created and deepened grief. People found their own ways to mourn: through relatives who attended for them, paying for funeral costs, and joining virtually.
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- Ask a relative to place flowers or say a prayer for you
- Cook their favourite dish and share stories
- Gather friends locally for a small memorial
- Join the service by video if you can
- Make an altar or memory corner with photos
- Write a letter to the person who died
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Some people only feel the full loss when they go home and see the empty chair. That delayed grief is normal.
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Watching a sister’s wedding on a phone, or meeting a niece months after she was born, can feel bittersweet. Send a message, a gift or a recorded blessing so they know you were there in spirit.
Money sent home & family expectations
Love, duty and pressure in money sent across borders.
Money sent home is one of the biggest ways families across borders care for each other. In 2024, migrants sent an estimated $685 billion to low- and middle-income countries through official channels.
Researchers note that ties with family back home can protect wellbeing, but some migrants also feel heavy pressure to provide money and emotional support to relatives who stayed.
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- Guilt when you say no or send less
- Hiding your own money struggles from family
- Working long hours with little rest
- Worry that family thinks life abroad is easy
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- Decide on a regular amount you can afford
- Keep a small savings cushion for yourself
- Share honestly what life costs where you live
- Talk as a family about priorities, like school fees or health
When contact is lost or someone is missing
Living with not knowing, and where to search.
War, disaster, migration or family conflict can cut families off from each other. Researcher Pauline Boss calls a loss without clear answers “ambiguous loss”. It can freeze grief, because there is nothing certain to mourn.
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People in this situation often swing between hope and despair. It can help to hold two thoughts together: “They may still be found” and “I need to keep living my life now.”
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The American Red Cross Restoring Family Links service works with Red Cross and Red Crescent societies worldwide to help find family separated by conflict, disaster or migration. It is free and confidential.
Outside the U.S., your national Red Cross or Red Crescent society can usually help.
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Some people step back from family for their own safety or peace. Distance can make that easier and also lonelier, especially on holidays.
How community helps
People nearby who understand life between two places.
Being part of a community with a shared background is linked to better mental health for migrants, WHO says. Separation from family and support networks is one of the stresses it names.
Researchers suggest that programmes that help migrants keep ties with family, and build new ties where they live, may protect mental health.
Ideas for finding your people
- Cultural associations and hometown groups
- Faith communities that share your language
- Friends who also have family far away
- Online groups for parents or caregivers abroad
- Shared holidays with neighbours or coworkers
When and where to get help
Signs it’s time to reach out, and free support.
Reach out to a clinical provider or therapist if…
- Missing family feels overwhelming most days
- Guilt or worry is stopping you sleeping or working
- Grief for someone back home isn’t easing
- A child in your family seems withdrawn or very unhappy for weeks
- You feel hopeless or alone
- You’re having thoughts of hurting yourself
Many therapists now see people online, which can help if you want someone who speaks your language or knows your culture.
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988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Calls with interpreters are offered in more than 240 languages, at no cost.
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741.
If a life is in danger, call 911.
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findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines in many countries. You can look up support for a relative where they live, too.
📝 Worksheets for this guide
Fill these in privately in the app. Your answers stay on your phone.
Sources
- Federal Statistical Office of Germany (Destatis) (2025). International statistics: 304 million migrants worldwide (based on UN DESA International Migrant Stock 2024)
- World Bank (People Move blog) (2024). In 2024, remittance flows to low- and middle-income countries are expected to reach $685 billion, larger than FDI and ODA combined
- The Lancet (peer-reviewed), via PubMed Central (NIH) (2018). Health impacts of parental migration on left-behind children and adolescents: a systematic review and meta-analysis (Fellmeth et al., The Lancet 392(10164): 2567–2582)
- Social Science & Medicine (peer-reviewed) (2015). International parental migration and the psychological well-being of children in Ghana, Nigeria, and Angola (Mazzucato et al., Social Science & Medicine 132: 215–224)
- American Psychological Association (APA) (2024). Psychological Science and Immigration Today (APA Presidential Task Force on Immigration and Health)
- National Institutes of Health (NIH) (2020). Long-Distance Caregiving (NIH News in Health)
- American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health. Tips for Video Chatting with Infants and Toddlers
- Social Problems (peer-reviewed) (2023). Grieving in the “Golden Cage”: How Unauthorized Immigrants Contend with Death and Mourn from Afar (Fullerton Rico, Social Problems)
- BMC Public Health (peer-reviewed), via PubMed Central (NIH) (2017). The centrality of social ties to climate migration and mental health (Torres & Casey, BMC Public Health 17: 600)
- Journal of Marriage and Family (peer-reviewed) (2004). Ambiguous loss research, theory, and practice: Reflections after 9/11 (Boss, Journal of Marriage and Family 66(3): 551–566)
- American Red Cross. Reconnecting Families (Restoring Family Links)
- Alameda County, California (Newcomers Welcome). Reconnecting Families Program (American Red Cross): resource directory
- World Health Organization (WHO) (2025). Refugee and migrant mental health (fact sheet)
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 988 Frequently Asked Questions
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- Crisis Text Line. Crisis Text Line
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Crisis Text Line (resource listing)
- Find A Helpline (ThroughLine). Find A Helpline
- International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP). Crisis Centres & Helplines
This guide is for education and self-care. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Please talk to a counselor or clinical provider about your health. Reviewed October 2026.
