Social anxiety at work, college & class

Answering questions or speaking in front of people is one of the most common triggers. Many people stay quiet even when they know the answer.

Many people find it hard to do things when others are watching, and feel judged all the time.

Taking or making phone calls is a common fear.

Students may avoid asking a teacher for help. At work, people may avoid asking a manager a question for fear of looking incompetent.

Eating in company and group conversations can feel hard, so some people eat alone or skip breaks.

The Small talk & conversation guide has easy openers for break-room chats.

Job interviews are one of the situations NIMH names as common triggers, because they involve being evaluated directly.

Easy first contributions

• Agree with someone and add one reason
• Ask a clarifying question
• Offer to take notes or share the screen
• Say “I can take that”

Preparing one point is helpful. Scripting every word is often a safety habit that keeps attention stuck inside your head. Aim for a note, not a script.

Focusing on what people are saying, instead of on how you are coming across, lowers anxiety. It also makes it easier to find something to add.

In a study of group discussions, people overestimated how much their own comments, good or bad, stood out to others.

For longer talks, see Public speaking & presentations. For disagreeing or saying no, see Speaking up & assertiveness.

A mind “going blank” is a common body response to social fear.

Things you can say

• “Let me think about that for a moment.”
• “Could you repeat the question?”
• “Can I come back to that one?”

Because of the spotlight effect, people tend to overestimate how much others notice about their appearance.

A rejection is about fit, timing and many things you can’t see. The Job loss & job hunting guide has more on keeping going.

Call tips

• Jot down two or three points before dialling
• Make the call soon, before dread builds
• Start with easier calls and build up
• Stand or walk if it helps you think

Watching yourself on screen can feed self-focus. Once your framing is set, many platforms let you hide self-view so you can focus on others.

Re-reading messages again and again is a common safety habit. Try: write it, read it once, send it. Then put your phone or inbox away for a while.

Ask yourself

• What went OK, even a little?
• What would I say to a coworker who did the same?
• What is one useful thing to try next time?

Fear of criticism is common in social anxiety. Writing down the exact words of feedback can help, because memory tends to make it sound harsher.

In studies, including first-year college students getting to know dorm mates, people underestimated how much others liked them, and this gap lasted for months.

Examples from the Job Accommodation Network

• Advance notice of meetings
• A private or quieter workspace
• Extra breaks to use calming techniques
• Flexible schedule or time off for therapy appointments
• Switching some face-to-face contact to email or phone
• Working from home as an option

Accommodations are decided case by case, and many are simple and inexpensive. An employer may ask for some medical documentation.

Teachers, school counselors or a college’s student support or counseling services can talk through options, like presenting to a smaller group first. For U.S. school plans, see the IEPs & 504 plans guide. The College & university life guide has more on campus support.

JAN gives free, confidential guidance on workplace accommodations to workers and employers, by phone, live chat or email at askjan.org.

The Your rights at work guide covers workplace rights more broadly.

CBT teaches new ways of thinking and acting in social situations, often with gradual practice. A large review found individual CBT had the biggest effects for adults.

CBT can be offered in person or by telehealth. Guided self-help, using a CBT workbook or online course with regular therapist support, is another option.

It is worth asking student services or HR whether counseling or support is available to you.

A primary care provider can do a first check and refer you to a mental health professional. You can also search FindTreatment.gov, SAMHSA’s locator.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) lists free, confidential helplines in more than 175 countries.