Confidence at work

Belief & performance

Talking about yourself

Work confidence is not about being the loudest person in the room. It is believing you can learn the job, contribute ideas, and handle problems when they come up.

That belief matters. A large review of 114 studies found that people’s belief in their ability to do a task was linked to how well they actually performed at work.

Meetings can move fast, and the moment to speak can slip by. A little planning makes it much easier to join in.

Before, during and after

1. Before: look at the agenda and jot down one point or question you could add.
2. Early on: speak in the first part of the meeting. The longer you wait, the harder it feels.
3. Build on others: “I agree with Sam, and I’d add…” is an easy way in.
4. Keep it short: one main point, one reason.
5. After: if you didn’t get to speak, send a short follow-up note with your idea.

Remember that people usually notice your nerves far less than you think. In a classic study, people overestimated how many others noticed something embarrassing about them by about double.

Many people find it hard to talk about what they have achieved. In large experiments, women rated their own performance lower than equally performing men, even when they knew exactly how they had done and when there was nothing to gain.

The same gap did not appear when people rated someone else. The researchers note that self-promotion matters for hiring and promotion, so underselling yourself can have real costs.

Asking can feel risky. But not asking often means going without. A clear, prepared request is easier for both you and the other person.

A simple way to prepare

1. Get clear on what you want, and what you could accept.
2. Gather your reasons: results, extra duties, market rates, or what would help you do better work.
3. Pick a good time, ideally a planned conversation, not a rushed hallway chat.
4. Say it plainly: “I’d like to talk about…”
5. Listen, and ask what it would take if the answer is “not now”.
6. Follow up in writing with what you agreed.

Feedback can sting, especially if confidence is already low. It helps to separate the information from the feeling.

When feedback lands hard

1. Pause. You don’t have to respond right away. “Thanks, let me think about that” is fine.
2. Ask for an example if it’s vague.
3. Sort it: what is fair and useful, what is unclear, and what doesn’t fit.
4. Pick one thing to work on.
5. Remember it’s about one piece of work, not your worth as a person.

Being kind to yourself after a setback is not letting yourself off the hook. People who responded to a failure with self-compassion were more motivated to improve than those who didn’t.

Starting something new almost always brings a dip in confidence. You are learning names, systems and unwritten rules all at once. That is not a sign you made a mistake.

Things that help in the first months

• Ask for a clear picture of what success looks like in your role
• Find a buddy or mentor you can ask “silly” questions
• Keep notes so you don’t have to ask the same thing twice
• Notice your progress each week, however small
• Set an early, small goal you can achieve

Each small task you master adds to your belief that you can do the job. Doing it yourself builds confidence more than anything else.

Confidence doesn’t grow in a vacuum. Research on work teams found that people learn and speak up more when the team feels safe for taking interpersonal risks, like asking questions or admitting mistakes.

Signs the environment may be the problem

• Credit for your work goes to someone else
• Mistakes are punished or mocked instead of fixed
• Some people are regularly ignored or talked over
• You are criticised in front of others, often
• You feel afraid to ask questions

If this sounds familiar, low confidence may be a natural response to an unhealthy place, not a flaw in you. You can still use the skills here, and also look for allies, keep records, and think about your options.

Leaders and coworkers can make a big difference. Teams where people feel safe to speak up learn more.

Ways to build confidence in your team

• Ask quieter people for their view, and give them time to think first
• Give credit publicly and accurately
• Give specific, timely feedback, both good and constructive
• Offer stretch tasks with support
• Share your own mistakes and what you learned
• Thank people for raising problems early

Encouragement from others is one of the sources of self-belief, and it works best when paired with real chances to try and succeed.

Work confidence can usually grow with practice. But if worry about work is affecting your sleep, health or relationships, or you dread going in most days, it is worth getting support.

Places to start

• A career coach or mentor for skills and planning
• A primary care provider, if stress is affecting your health
• A therapist, for ongoing worry, low mood or self-criticism
• An Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if your workplace has one: often free and confidential

Talking therapies such as counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help with low confidence and self-esteem. Please talk with your clinical provider about what fits you.

NIMH has tips on finding a mental health professional.