Overwhelm and the never-ending to-do list

Planning

Rest & sleep

Asking for help

A to-do list isn’t just a list. Every unfinished task keeps a small part of your mind busy. Research shows unfinished goals can cause intrusive thoughts and make it harder to focus on other things.

Researchers describe putting things off as a way of escaping bad feelings in the short term. A task feels boring, scary or too big, so we look away to feel better now. Your future self then pays the price.

Being harsh with yourself tends to make it worse. In a study of university students, those who forgave themselves for putting off studying for one exam put things off less for the next one.

Getting unstuck

1. Name the feeling: “This feels too big” or “I’m scared I’ll do it badly.”
2. Shrink the step until it feels almost silly, like “open the email” or “find the form.”
3. Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and agree to stop when it rings.
4. Notice that you started. Starting is often the hardest part.

The first step is to get every task out of your head and in one place. The NHS suggests making to-do lists and planning ahead as a way to manage stress.

A 10-minute brain dump

1. Grab one piece of paper or one note on your phone.
2. Write down everything on your mind: big, small, work, home, worries.
3. Don’t sort yet. Just keep writing until you run out.
4. Take a breath and look at it. It is often shorter than it felt.

Research shows people tend to pick tasks that feel urgent, with short deadlines, over tasks that matter more. Pausing to ask “Is this important, or just loud?” can change what you do first.

Big, vague tasks are hard to start. The NHS suggests splitting large tasks into smaller ones and giving yourself credit as you finish each one.

Examples

• “Clean the house” becomes “clear the kitchen counter”
• “Deal with the bills” becomes “open the electric bill and check the due date”
• “Find a new job” becomes “update the first section of my résumé”

If-then plans can help too: “If it’s 9 a.m. after coffee, then I’ll make the dentist call.” A review of 94 tests found these plans helped people follow through on goals.

Psychologists call it the planning fallacy: people tend to underestimate how long their own tasks will take, even when past tasks ran late. It is a very human habit, not a personal failing.

When we “multitask,” the brain is usually switching quickly between tasks. Research shows people almost always take longer and make more mistakes when they switch back and forth.

Ways to single-task

• Close extra tabs and put your phone out of reach
• Group small tasks, like replying to messages, into one block
• Keep a “later” note for ideas that pop up mid-task
• Work on one task until a natural stopping point

Breaks are part of getting things done. A review of studies found short micro-breaks boosted energy and reduced tiredness, and longer breaks gave a bigger boost.

Worrying about unfinished tasks is a common reason people struggle to fall asleep. In a sleep-lab study, young adults who wrote a to-do list for 5 minutes before bed fell asleep faster than those who wrote about tasks they had already done.

The more specific their list, the faster they fell asleep. It seems that writing tasks down lets the mind stop holding on to them.

A bedtime “park it” list

1. Keep paper and a pen by your bed.
2. Spend 5 minutes writing what you need to do in the next few days.
3. Be specific: “email Sam about Friday” rather than “work stuff.”
4. Close the notebook. The list will be there in the morning.

Many of us wait too long to ask for help because we expect a no. Research found people underestimate how willing others are to help, and how good helpers feel afterwards.

NIMH suggests talking with a professional if you are struggling to cope or your stress won’t go away. If you can’t get anything done for weeks, feel low or hopeless, or stop doing things you usually enjoy, please talk with your clinical provider or a therapist.

People who can help

• A counselor or therapist, including through school or work
• A doctor or nurse practitioner
• An employee assistance program, if your job offers one
• Student disability or counseling services