Anxiety at every age

Between about 6 months and 3 years, many children cling to their parents and cry when apart. This is a normal stage, and it usually fades by around age 2 to 3.

Specific fears are common in preschool children: animals, insects, storms, heights, water, blood and the dark. They usually fade on their own.

Worry often shows up around new schools, tests and exams. Some children are shy in social situations and may need a little extra support.

Anxiety becomes a concern when a child doesn’t grow out of typical fears, or when worries are so frequent that they get in the way of school, home or play.

Separation anxiety is strong worry about being away from a loved one, like a parent or partner. In babies and toddlers it is a normal stage. Older children and adults can have it too.

It can look like

• Clinging, crying or tummy aches before being apart
• Fear that something bad will happen to a loved one
• Not wanting to go to school or sleep alone

What tends to help

• Keep daily routines steady
• Listen carefully to the worry, without dismissing it
• Prepare ahead for changes like a new school or a sleepover
• Talk through worries before a separation, instead of pushing
• Try not to become overprotective, and look after your own worry too

Your child can write or draw their worries and “post” them into a box, like an old tissue box. Sort through them together at the end of the day or week.

Ideas to try

• Explain anxiety as a wave: it builds up, then passes.
• Play a spotting game on the way somewhere, like counting red cars.
• Take three slow, deep breaths together: in for 3, out for 3.
• Use books or films to talk about feelings.

Behavior therapy for young children often involves the family, and may include the school. It teaches coping skills and gently facing feared situations step by step. For young children, parent involvement is key.

It can look like

• Avoiding eye contact, or seeming clingy or tense
• Going very still, with a frozen face
• Nodding, pointing or gesturing instead of talking
• Speaking freely with family, but silent at school

What tends to help

• Don’t pressure, bribe or plead with the child to speak.
• Let them know smiling, waving or nodding is fine.
• Praise brave steps privately, not in front of others.
• Stay calm, and don’t act surprised when they do speak.
• Focus on fun and joining in, not on talking.
• Don’t wait for them to “grow out of it”.

Treatment focuses on easing the anxiety, not on forcing speech. Therapists use CBT and gentle, step-by-step methods, slowly adding new people and places where the child feels safe to talk. Most children can overcome it, and getting help early makes it easier. Adults can overcome it too.

Things that can set off worry

• Big changes, like moving house or a new school
• Distressing events, like an accident or a fire
• Family arguments, which can make children feel insecure
• School pressures: schoolwork, teachers, bullying, loneliness or noise
• Some children are simply more prone to worry

Things that can raise the risk

• A parent with anxiety or depression
• Bullying or being left out by peers
• Trauma or ongoing stress
• Violence, abuse or neglect

What tends to help

• Talk and listen without assuming or dismissing their worries.
• Help them notice the signs of anxiety in themselves, and ask for help.
• Work out which times or situations trigger worry.
• Problem-solve together, like planning a sleepover with a friend nearby.
• Talk through changes ahead of time, and explain what will happen and why.
• Don’t force a stressful situation before you’ve talked about it.
• Keep regular daily routines.

Arrange a meeting with your child’s teacher or school counselor. Schools may offer quiet spaces, a peer buddy, or ideas like arriving early to help in the classroom.

It can look like

• Avoiding school, parties or group chats
• Expecting bad things to happen
• Irritability or angry outbursts
• Pulling away from friends
• Trouble sleeping or concentrating

What tends to help

• Protecting sleep, and taking breaks from screens and group chats
• Small brave steps instead of avoiding school or friends
• Talk therapy such as CBT, which works well for teens
• Telling one trusted adult: a parent, teacher, coach or school counselor

Teens still need to feel heard. Listen without rushing to fix, show you believe they can cope, and help them take small steps rather than avoiding what scares them.

Many people try to force themselves to calm down, which is hard when your heart is pounding. Researchers have tested another idea: reminding yourself that the rush is your body getting ready to perform.

A 2024 review of 35 studies found this gave a small boost to performance, possibly a little more for tasks done in front of others, like speaking. The authors say it is helpful and low-cost, but not a magic fix.

Things to tell yourself

• “A fast heart means I care about this.”
• “My body is getting ready.”
• “This is energy I can use.”

Because stray thoughts take up attention, gently steering your focus back to the task is a skill worth practising.

Ideas to try

• Pick a short cue word, like “here” or “next”, to bring you back.
• Read each question slowly, one at a time.
• If you’re stuck, mark it, move on, and come back later.
• When your mind wanders, notice it without scolding yourself, and return.
• Before a performance, focus on your first line or first move, not the whole thing.

Low confidence is linked with lower test scores. The best way to build it is to practise in conditions close to the real thing, so the big day feels familiar.

Ways to rehearse

• Giving your talk to one friend, then to a few
• Mock interviews with a family member or mentor
• Recording yourself and noticing what went well
• Running your routine or piece at the real venue, if you can
• Timed practice tests in a quiet room

Keep a “proof list”

• Kind things teachers, coaches or friends have said
• Skills you have improved
• Times you were nervous and did it anyway

If being watched is the hardest part, facing it step by step, starting small, helps the fear shrink. Exposure like this is one of the best-studied ways to ease social and performance fears.

An example ladder for a speech

1. Practise alone, out loud
2. Record yourself and watch it back
3. Give it to one trusted person
4. Give it to a small, friendly group
5. Ask one question or make one comment in a real meeting or class
6. Give the full speech

If performance anxiety regularly affects your grades or your work, you don’t have to tough it out alone. Schools, colleges and workplaces can often make changes that help, such as a quieter room for tests or clearer deadlines.

Who to talk to

• A teacher, school counselor or school nurse
• Your clinical provider, who can help explain your needs
• Your college’s disability or counseling services
• Your manager or HR team at work

Times that can stir up anxiety

• A health scare for you or someone close
• Caring for children and aging parents at the same time
• Money pressure, a breakup or a loss
• Pregnancy and becoming a parent
• Starting or losing a job

Busy adults often push anxiety aside until it spills into sleep, temper or health. Noticing it early, and making small changes, can stop it from building up.

Having a parent with anxiety or depression is one of the things that can raise a child’s risk of anxiety. Children notice our worry. Managing your own anxiety, and trying not to become overprotective, is one of the best ways to help them.

Heavy workloads, long hours, unclear roles, poor support, job insecurity and bullying can all wear down mental health. Worldwide, about 12 billion working days are lost each year to depression and anxiety.

Warning signs can include

• Changes in mood, energy or appetite
• Increased worry or feeling stressed
• Pulling away from people
• Trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much

What tends to help

• Befriending schemes, groups, creative arts or volunteering
• Regular contact with family, friends and neighbors

What tends to help

• Support for carers, who are under strain too
• Talk therapy, which can be done in person, by phone or by video
• Telling a doctor about worry, sleep or mood changes, not just physical health

Reassurance is one of the most common forms of accommodation. Partners may reassure again and again, or keep their own worries to themselves so they don’t “rock the boat”. Each answer brings brief relief, then the worry comes back stronger.

What tends to help

• In a calm moment, agree together on a plan: answer once, then step back.
• Use a kind, steady line: “I’ve answered that one. I know the worry feels big, and I believe you can sit with it.”
• Offer comfort in other ways: a hug, sitting together, a walk.
• Expect the worry to rise for a bit before it settles.

In one small study, a single session teaching couples about this pattern helped reduce both reassurance-seeking and accommodating two weeks later.

Common examples

• Changing family plans or routines around the fear
• Doing the shopping or errands so they don’t have to go out
• Letting a child sleep in the parents’ bed because of fear
• Letting them skip school, work or events
• Making special meals
• Speaking for a child or partner

Accommodation comes from love, not bad parenting or a bad relationship. But it can wear you down too: caregivers who accommodate more often report more burden.

Parent programs that target accommodation teach a different kind of support. It combines two things: showing you understand that the anxiety is real and hard, and showing confidence that your loved one can cope with a bit more discomfort.

Three ways to respond

• Dismissing: “There’s nothing to be scared of.” (They feel unheard.)
• Accommodating: “OK, you don’t have to go.” (The fear wins.)
• Supportive: “I can see this feels really scary. I also know you can handle it, and I’m here.”

A gentle plan

1. Write down the ways you currently accommodate.
2. Pick one small one to change first.
3. Tell your loved one ahead of time, kindly, what will change and why.
4. Stick with it calmly. Expect anxiety to rise for a while.
5. Praise their effort, not just the result.
6. When that feels settled, choose the next one.

Some programs work directly with parents to help them reduce accommodation, which can help even when a child isn’t ready for therapy themselves. Ask your clinical provider what is available.

A careful check-up with a health care provider or mental health specialist comes first, because other things, like trauma, can look similar. In the U.S., experts recommend checking for anxiety in children ages 8 to 18 during health visits.

What tends to help

• Behavior therapy, which may include gently facing feared situations step by step
• CBT, often used with older children
• Involving parents in treatment, which is key for young children
• Working with the school when it is part of the plan

A parent, teacher, coach, school counselor or doctor can help a teen find support. Talk therapy such as CBT works well for teens.

Anxiety can be treated, and talk therapy helps many people. It can be done in person, by phone or by video.

In the U.S., FindTreatment.gov, run by SAMHSA, lets you search for mental health services near you, confidentially and anonymously.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) lists free, confidential helplines by country, by phone, text or chat. The International Association for Suicide Prevention partners with its creators to share it. If someone is in danger, call your local emergency number.