The first days after a death: practical steps & caring for yourself

Some families want time to sit with the person, comfort each other and share memories. The NIA says this is the time for any religious, ethnic or cultural customs that are done soon after death.

You might ask a faith leader or spiritual counselor to come. You can also call people who may want to see the person before they are moved.

As soon as possible, the death must be officially pronounced by someone in authority, like a doctor in a hospital or nursing facility, or a hospice nurse. They also fill out forms about the cause, time and place of death, so a death certificate can be prepared.

If the person was in hospice, the NIA says a plan for what happens after death will likely already be in place. Call the hospice’s number, and they will guide you through the next steps.

If the death happens at home without hospice, the NIA suggests talking with the doctor, local medical examiner (coroner), health department or a funeral home about how to proceed.

If a death is sudden or unexpected, or you are not sure whether the person has died, call 911. Emergency services and, in some cases, a medical examiner will be involved.

A sudden death can bring shock and many questions. The “Grief: understanding loss” guide has more on traumatic and sudden loss.

If your loved one died in a hospital or nursing home, staff may help with arrangements. If possible, talk with them early about any important customs or rituals.

Around the time of death, a doctor may ask about organ or tissue donation. The person may already have said they wanted to donate, and some states list this on the driver’s license. There is no cost to the donor’s family.

First calls

• The hospice, doctor or care facility (or 911 if the death was sudden)
• A funeral home or cremation provider, when your family is ready
• The closest family members and friends

The NIA says the body can be picked up when the family is ready, following local laws. This is usually done by a funeral home, though families can do it themselves in most states.

If the person cared for children, an adult with a disability, an older relative or pets, make sure someone is looking after them in the short term.

The “Talking about death & dying with people you love (and with kids)” guide has help with telling children, in words that fit their age.

Telling people over and over is exhausting. Ask one person to share the news with a wider group by phone tree, group message or email.

A minister, priest, rabbi, imam or other spiritual leader can help with prayers, rituals and planning a service in line with your traditions.

There is no federal law requiring paid funeral leave in the U.S. It usually depends on your employer’s policy, so ask HR what is available.

The “Life after a loss” guide has a section on grief at work and returning when you’re ready.

The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule gives you rights when dealing with funeral homes.

You have the right to

• Buy only the goods and services you want, not a whole package
• Get a written General Price List to keep when you visit
• Get prices by phone, without giving your name
• Use a casket or urn bought somewhere else, with no extra handling fee
• Use a simple, low-cost container for cremation instead of a casket

The National Funeral Directors Association projected that about 63% of U.S. deaths in 2025 would lead to cremation, and about 32% to burial.

No state requires routine embalming for every death. Some states require embalming or refrigeration only if burial or cremation won’t happen within a certain time.

Interest in “green” or eco-friendly options is growing: in a 2025 survey, 61.4% said they would be interested in exploring them.

The NIA notes that a home funeral is legal in most states. In most states, families can also arrange to move the body themselves.

Rules differ by state, so check local requirements or ask a funeral home or your health department.

Some families hold a small private burial or cremation first, and a larger memorial or celebration of life later. This can give far-away relatives time to travel, and give you time to plan.

Research suggests that rituals, whether traditional or personal, can help ease grief.

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs offers burial and memorial benefits for eligible veterans. These can include burial in a VA national cemetery, a headstone, marker or medallion, a Presidential Memorial Certificate, and an allowance toward funeral, burial and transport costs.

Tell the funeral home the person was a veteran. They can often help with the forms.

A doctor may ask whether you want an autopsy to learn more about the cause of death. If your religion or culture objects to autopsies, the NIA suggests talking with the doctor.

Signs of an autopsy are usually hidden by clothing and preparation, so a viewing is often still possible.

The NCI says that not being able to carry out expected rituals can leave family members with a sense of unresolved loss. Health professionals are encouraged to respect a family’s heritage and let them decide how to honor the death.

If your tradition calls for burial or cremation within a day or so, let everyone involved know straight away so they can plan with you.

Because routine embalming is not required by law for every death, families can often follow traditions that avoid it.

Relatives may hold different beliefs about what should happen. Where you can, start with the person’s own wishes. A faith leader, hospice social worker or funeral director can help families find a plan that honors more than one tradition.

Some families hold two services, or weave readings and music from different traditions into one.

In a series of studies, people who did a ritual after a loss, including simple personal ones, reported less grief than those who didn’t.

Ideas

• Cooking their favorite meal together
• Lighting a candle at the same time each evening
• Planting a tree or flowers
• Playing their favorite song at the service
• Sharing stories in a memory book

Many organizations need a certified copy of the death certificate, for things like life insurance, money and property. How you get one depends on where the death happened.

The funeral home can usually help you order copies. Ask for several, since different organizations may each want one.

Medicare.gov says that in most cases the funeral home reports the death to Social Security. Give them the person’s Social Security number if you want them to do this.

To report it yourself, call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778). Have the person’s Social Security number ready.

If the person was getting Social Security benefits, the payments need to stop. Relatives may be able to get survivor benefits.

To help prevent identity theft, the NIA suggests sending copies of the death certificate to the three major credit agencies: Equifax, Experian and TransUnion.

Life insurance claims need a death certificate and the policy numbers. Banks may also need a death certificate if the person didn’t leave a list of accounts.

The “Life after a loss” guide has a full after-death task list for the weeks and months ahead.

The NIA advises delaying major decisions, like selling a home or leaving a job, while you are grieving and may not be thinking clearly.

When you’re ready to sort belongings, the NIA suggests three piles: keep, give away and “not sure.”

Ask a trusted friend or relative to keep the list of offers and match people to tasks. Then you only need to talk to one person.

Online meal calendars, group chats or a shared update page can help keep everyone informed without you answering every message.

Ideas

• Answering the phone and door
• Caring for children or pets
• Collecting mail and keeping the home tidy
• Driving relatives from the airport
• Making calls to share the news
• Organizing meals for the coming weeks
• Researching funeral homes and prices

Let people know when you want to talk about the person who died, and when you need quiet. The NIA notes that many grieving people find it helpful to talk directly about their loss and share stories.

You can also say, “Thank you, not right now.” Protecting your energy is not rude.

The NCI describes trouble sleeping and tiredness as common in early grief. These usually ease with time.

Things that may help

• Keep a regular wake-up time when you can
• Lie down to rest, even if you can’t sleep
• Short daytime naps are okay
• Step outside for daylight each morning
• Write down racing thoughts or to-do items before bed

Some people lose interest in cooking and eating after a loss. The NIA suggests eating with friends, or turning on the radio or TV if mealtimes feel too quiet.

Keep simple foods and water within reach. Accept meals people bring.

The NIA recommends regular exercise, healthy food and enough sleep while grieving.

Even five minutes outside, or gentle stretching, counts on a hard day.

The NIA warns that drinking too much alcohol or smoking can put your health at risk while you grieve.

If you notice you are drinking more to cope, talk with your clinical provider or someone you trust.

The NIA suggests keeping up with visits to your health care provider and letting them know about your loss and any new health concerns.

If you were a caregiver, the “When caregiving ends” guide may help too.

Many people describe the first days as foggy or unreal. Some get through the funeral on autopilot, and feel the loss more strongly weeks later.

Keeping busy with details can help at first. In time, the change in your life will need space too.

After a long illness, it is common to feel relief that the person is no longer suffering, or that caregiving has ended. Relief doesn’t mean you loved them less.

The NIA notes you may feel guilty or surprised for laughing at a joke or enjoying a visit with a friend. These feelings are common.

The NIA reminds parents that children are grieving too, and that open, honest communication is important.

The Dougy Center suggests giving children choices where possible, like helping choose flowers or clothing, or deciding whether to attend the service.

The NIA describes friends coming over with dinners and memories to share, and how those evenings helped everyone start to heal.

The NIA says many grieving people find comfort in spending time with others who share their beliefs, praying, or reading religious or spiritual texts.

Medicare-certified hospices must offer bereavement support to families for up to a year after a death.

The NIA notes you can ask hospice workers for bereavement support even if hospice wasn’t used before the death.

The NIA suggests checking with local hospitals, senior centers, religious groups, funeral homes or your doctor to find grief support groups. Many free groups also meet online.