Abuse: the basics

Emotional abuse includes insults, threats, humiliation, constant criticism and efforts to cut someone off from others. It can be as harmful as physical abuse, even without a mark.

Gaslighting, coercive control and how to protect yourself are covered in the Emotional abuse & gaslighting guide.

Financial abuse can mean stealing money or belongings, forging signatures, misusing someone’s cards or benefits, or keeping them from their own money.

Money control by a partner is covered in the “Domestic violence: the basics” guide. Financial exploitation of older adults is covered in the Elder abuse & financial exploitation guide.

Neglect is failing to meet a person’s basic needs, such as food, shelter, hygiene, supervision, health care or emotional support. It mostly affects children and older or disabled adults who rely on others.

See the Child abuse & neglect guide or the Elder abuse & financial exploitation guide.

Abuse between partners or exes is often called domestic violence or intimate partner violence. It can be physical, sexual, emotional, financial or digital.

The domestic violence guides cover

• Children who live with domestic violence
• Healing afterwards, and how to help a friend
• Physical, emotional, sexual, financial and digital abuse, and coercive control
• Safety plans, phone safety, shelters and protective orders
• Sections for women, men, LGBTQ+ people, teens and immigrant survivors
• Why leaving is hard, and how to leave more safely

Physical abuse is using force on purpose in a way that can cause injury, such as hitting, kicking, shaking or pushing. With older adults it can also mean holding them down or locking them in.

CDC defines sexual violence as sexual activity when consent is not obtained or freely given. Any sexual contact with a child is abuse. It can also happen online or through technology.

Adults can turn to the Sexual assault & rape guide. Survivors of abuse in childhood can turn to the Childhood sexual abuse guide.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline lists spiritual abuse as one of the types of abuse. It is covered in this guide under “Spiritual & religious abuse”.

The body may freeze or try to please a threat to stay safe. This is not consent, and it is not weakness.

CDC says about 90% of child sexual abuse is done by someone known and trusted by the child or family. For sexual violence at any age, the person is usually someone the survivor knows. Elder abuse is usually by a caregiver or someone the older adult trusts.

CDC lists emotional abuse as one of the four common types of child abuse. For adults, emotional and verbal abuse can have effects as serious as physical abuse.

NIA says you do not need to prove that elder abuse is happening, because professionals will investigate. For children, reports are based on having reason to believe a child has been abused or neglected, not on proof.

People stay for many reasons, including fear, isolation, money, children, love, and hope that things will change. Understanding this helps us support survivors without judging them.

Anxiety and post-traumatic stress are common after abuse at any age. Children may seem always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen. Older adults may become fearful or withdrawn.

Depression, shame, guilt and feeling powerless or unwanted are common effects of emotional, sexual and elder abuse. These feelings are understandable, but they are not the truth about you.

Long-term abuse can contribute to chronic pain, depression and anxiety. Sexual violence is linked to lasting reproductive, digestive, heart and sexual health problems. Toxic stress in childhood can affect how the brain develops.

For anything medical, talk with your clinical provider.

CDC notes that difficulty trusting others is one effect of elder abuse, and that sexual violence can make relationships harder to keep. Many survivors find trust grows back slowly with safe, steady people.

CDC links sexual violence and child abuse with a higher chance of alcohol and drug use. This is often an attempt to cope with pain, not a character flaw.

The Substance Use guide has support if this is part of your story.

If an adult is hurting you, scaring you, or not looking after you, tell a trusted adult, like a teacher, school counselor, coach or relative. You can call or text Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453 to talk it through.

The Child abuse & neglect guide has a section just for young people. The Growing up with an abusive parent guide has a plan for kids and teens when home doesn’t feel safe.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help with safety planning and local shelters, 24/7: call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

The Safety planning & leaving guide covers safety plans, phone safety and protective orders in depth.

ACL encourages older adults who are being harmed to tell their doctor, a friend or a family member they trust, or to call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 to be connected to local help.

The Elder abuse & financial exploitation guide explains what Adult Protective Services can do.

CDC guidance for youth-serving organizations says prevention rests on six parts. It also says organizations need a culture where child sexual abuse is openly discussed, addressed and prevented.

The six parts

• A clear way to respond to rule-breaking, concerns and allegations
• Careful screening and selection of staff and volunteers
• Clear rules for how adults and young people interact
• Making sure spaces and activities are safe
• Monitoring behavior
• Prevention training for staff, volunteers, parents and young people

The Child abuse & neglect guide turns these into questions you can ask, in the “Choosing a safe youth program” worksheet.

NIA notes that abuse of older adults can happen in assisted living facilities and nursing homes, as well as at home. Long-term care ombudsmen advocate for people living in nursing homes, assisted living and board and care homes, and help resolve problems.

Adult Protective Services responds to abuse in private homes in every state, and in about half of states also looks into reports in nursing homes and other long-term care settings.

The Elder abuse & financial exploitation guide has more on care homes. The Adult Protective Services (APS) guide explains how to report.

People may stay quiet because the person causing harm is popular or powerful, because they fear losing their place on the team, in the choir or in the community, or because they worry about getting someone in trouble.

Telling is often a slow process, and how people react shapes whether a survivor tells again. The Childhood sexual abuse guide explains this gently.

If a child may be being harmed, you can report to child protective services or the police yourself. You do not have to go through the organization first, and you do not need proof.

For an older adult or an adult with a disability, contact Adult Protective Services or a long-term care ombudsman. The Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116) can connect you.

Talk therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy, can help survivors understand and process what happened, alone or in a group.

You can share as much or as little as you feel ready to. A good therapist will go at your pace. For anything medical, talk with your clinical provider.

Group therapy and survivor support groups can help people feel less alone. Hearing “me too” from someone who understands can be very healing.

Adult Protective Services can suggest support groups and counseling for older adults. Hotlines can point you to local groups.

Things that may help in the moment

• Breathe slowly, making the out-breath longer
• Feel your feet on the floor
• Name five things you can see around you
• Remind yourself: “That was then. I am safe right now.”

The “My healing toolkit” worksheet helps you gather what works for you.

Safe, stable, caring relationships help people heal at any age. CDC says these relationships protect children, and having social support protects older adults.

If the person who hurt you is family, the Growing up with an abusive parent guide and the Low contact & no contact guide look at contact, distance and boundaries.

Believe them and tell them so. Listen, but don’t ask for details or why they didn’t stop it, as this can feel like blame.

Things you could say

• “I believe you.”
• “I’m glad you told me.”
• “It’s not your fault.”
• “What would help right now?”

Respect an adult’s decisions, including whether to involve the police. Offer practical help, like going with them to appointments. Don’t tell them to forget it.

Older adults also have the right to make their own choices. The Adult Protective Services (APS) guide explains how to stay close when someone says no.

Childhelp advises staying calm, thanking the child for telling, believing them, and not asking leading questions. You don’t need proof to report. If the child is in danger, call 911.

The Child abuse & neglect guide has a full section on what to do when a child tells you.

It is normal to feel shocked, angry or sad. Hotlines also support friends and family. Talking it through can help you stay steady for the person you care about.

Call 911 if someone is being hurt or threatened right now, or if a life is in danger. Every hotline in this guide gives the same advice for emergencies.

988 is free, confidential and open 24/7. You do not have to be suicidal to reach out.

You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach a crisis counselor by text, 24/7.

Childhelp is a safe place for children, teens, parents and other adults to talk about child abuse, by phone, text or chat. Spanish is available. It is not a reporting line, but counselors can help you find your state’s reporting line.

How to reach them

• Call 1-800-422-4453
• Chat at childhelphotline.org
• Text GO to 1-800-422-4453

The Eldercare Locator is a public service that helps people report elder abuse and find local services for older adults and families. You can also visit eldercare.acl.gov.

Free, confidential support by phone, text and chat at thehotline.org. Advocates help with safety planning and local resources like shelters and legal help.

RAINN’s hotline connects you with a trained support specialist, free and confidential, 24/7, in English and Spanish. You can also chat at RAINN.org/hotline.

Choose your country and a topic, like abuse or sexual assault, to see local helplines. If you are in danger, call your local emergency number.