Veterans: coming home & life after service

PTSD can develop after going through or seeing a life-threatening event. It brings upsetting memories, avoidance, changes in mood and feeling on edge that last long after the event. It is treatable, even many years later.

Moral injury can follow doing, failing to stop, or seeing something that went against your deepest values. Guilt, shame, anger and a sense of betrayal are common. It is not a diagnosis, but the pain is real.

Military sexual trauma (MST) can affect anyone, of any gender. VA offers free care for the effects of MST, and you don’t need to have reported it at the time.

Blasts and crashes can cause a traumatic brain injury (TBI) as well as PTSD. Low mood and drinking more than you meant to are also common after service. The signs can overlap, so a health care provider can help sort out what is going on.

The months after leaving service bring a lot at once: new paperwork, a new job or school, money changes and missing the team. A large study of service members who left the military from 2010 to 2017 found that suicide rates generally peaked 6 to 12 months after separation. Younger people and those with shorter service had higher risk.

VA’s Solid Start program tries to reach newly separated veterans three times in their first year (around the first 90 days, then 91 to 180 and 181 to 365 days) to connect them with health care, housing help and education benefits. Keeping your phone and email up to date on VA.gov helps them reach you.

Helpful in the first year

• Answer the Solid Start call, or ask about it
• Check what VA health care and benefits you can get, even if you feel fine
• Keep in touch with at least one or two people you served with
• Plan your days, especially the first weeks with no set schedule
• Save the Veterans Crisis Line number (988, then press 1) in your phone

For many veterans, service was not just a job. It was a big part of who they were. In uniform, everyone knew your rank, job and unit. Out of uniform, a new boss or neighbor may know nothing about what you carried. It is common to feel caught between two worlds, no longer military but not quite civilian.

It can feel like

• Feeling proud and lost at the same time
• Feeling that nobody “gets” you
• Missing the uniform, the mission or the team
• Not knowing how to describe yourself to new people
• Starting again at the bottom

Questions that can help

• What did I love about my role? (leading, protecting, fixing, teaching)
• Which of those can I find in a new job, a cause or my family?
• Who am I besides a veteran? What else would I like to be known for?

In Pew’s survey, about 2 in 3 veterans (68%) said they often felt proud of their service in their first years after leaving. Your values, like loyalty, courage and service, come with you.

In service, your work often had clear stakes: people depended on you. A regular job or retirement can feel small in comparison. Losing that sense of purpose can lead to boredom, low mood and the feeling of “What’s the point?”

Ways veterans rebuild purpose

• Caring for family, pets or the outdoors
• Faith, art, music or writing
• Helping others through volunteering, disaster relief or community service
• Learning a new trade, going to school or starting a business
• Mentoring younger veterans or young people

In a unit, you trusted people with your life and they trusted you. That kind of bond is rare in civilian life. Friends may now be spread across the country, and civilians may not understand what you have been through. Losing daily contact can feel like losing family, even when everyone is still alive.

This goes for sisterhood as much as brotherhood. Women veterans may especially value finding other women who served, who understand without needing it explained.

Keeping the bond going

• Go to a reunion, memorial event or unit association gathering
• Join a veteran group built around doing something: fitness, outdoors, disaster response
• Let one or two civilians into your world. People often want to understand.
• Let new friendships be different. They don’t have to match the old ones to matter.
• Set a regular call or group chat with people you served with
• Try a peer support group, in person or online

Military life is built on schedules. Without one, days can blur together, sleep can drift and it can be harder to get things done. In Pew’s survey, about 1 in 4 post-9/11 veterans (23%) said they often struggled with the lack of structure after leaving.

Try this

• Break big tasks into small steps
• Get up at about the same time each day
• Make regular time for exercise, people and rest
• Plan one or two goals for each day, and write them down

Grief isn’t only for death. Leaving the military can mean losing a team, a purpose, a routine and a version of yourself all at once. Many veterans also grieve friends who died, in service or after it.

Pew also found that about 1 in 5 veterans struggled with alcohol or substance use in the first years after leaving the military. If drinking is helping you get through the loss, that is a sign to reach out.

Women veterans are about twice as likely as men veterans to have PTSD at some point in life (13% compared with 6%). They are also much more likely to report military sexual trauma. In 2024, the suicide rate for women veterans was about twice that of non-veteran women.

Many women say they don’t feel seen as veterans, and VA notes that only 44% of women veterans are enrolled in VA health care. The Women Veterans Program Manager at your local VA medical center can help you find care.

In a national study of post-9/11 veterans, LGBTQ+ veterans reported more financial strain, discrimination and hard life events than LGBTQ+ people who hadn’t served. They also reported more depression, anxiety and PTSD symptoms, but were not more likely to get most kinds of mental health care.

Some veterans served at a time when they had to hide who they were. Carrying that, and sometimes feeling unwelcome in veteran spaces, can add to the weight of coming home.

Guard and Reserve members may deploy, then return straight to a civilian job, school and family, often far from a base and from others who served with them. That can make it harder to find people who understand.

Vet Centers offer free counseling to eligible veterans and service members, including National Guard and Reserve members, and their families. Military OneSource also serves Guard and Reserve members and families.

In a large study of people leaving the military, those who left at ages 17 to 19 had a suicide risk about 4.5 times higher than those who left at 40 or older. People with shorter service also had higher risk.

Younger veterans may not yet have a career, a home or a support network outside the military. That makes connection, structure and early help even more important.

Symptoms after trauma can appear months or even years later. For some older veterans, retirement, illness, losing a spouse or news of war can bring back memories that were quiet for decades.

About 1 in 10 Vietnam veterans has had PTSD at some point in life. It is never too late to get help, and proven therapies work at any age.

VA says that in a mental health emergency you can go directly to your nearest VA medical center, no matter your discharge status and even if you are not enrolled in VA health care. VA also says you can get mental health care through VA no matter your discharge status or service history.

Relationships are often less satisfying when one partner has PTSD, especially if they avoid reminders or feel emotionally numb. Partners may feel more stress and worry, and closeness, including physical closeness, can be harder.

Arguments can be more likely when one or both partners have PTSD. Most people with PTSD are never violent. But if you ever feel unsafe, your safety comes first. If you are in danger, call 911.

What helps

• Consider couples counseling
• Keep doing things you enjoy together, even in smaller, shorter ways
• Make a plan together for hard days
• Set regular times to talk, and check in often

A parent’s PTSD can affect children. Kids may not understand why a parent is jumpy, angry or distant, and may think it is their fault. Some children take on extra jobs at home to look after a parent.

What helps

• Explain in simple, age-right words: “Dad has a hurt on the inside from the army. It is not your fault.”
• Keep routines steady
• Let kids be kids, and not caregivers
• Make time for fun one-on-one moments

Families often feel rejected or helpless when they don’t realize the behavior comes from PTSD. Some feel they must be careful all the time so they don’t upset their loved one. Others start avoiding things too, like doing all the shopping so their loved one never has to face a crowd.

These reactions are understandable. But some kinds of “helping” can keep avoidance going. Learning about PTSD and its treatments helps families support recovery instead.

Trouble concentrating, poor sleep, irritability and avoiding crowded places can make it hard to keep a job or enjoy one. Some veterans change jobs often or step away from work.

What helps

• Getting treatment often helps focus and sleep, which helps work too
• Plan a realistic number of tasks each day
• Take short breaks to breathe or walk
• Write lists and break tasks into small steps

When the body stays on high alert for months or years, it rarely gets to rest. Many veterans also live with pain or injuries from service. Poor sleep, tension and stress can make pain feel worse and make it harder to take care of your health.

What helps

• Cutting back on alcohol, tobacco and caffeine
• Moving your body every day in a way that feels good
• Regular check-ups, and telling your doctor about stress and sleep
• Treating PTSD, which often helps sleep and energy

Families often go through a pattern of feelings. News of a deployment can bring a burst of fear and anger. As the leaving date gets closer, people may pull back a little, which is a natural way to get ready for the goodbye. During the deployment, worry, loneliness, extra jobs and money stress are common, alongside new skills and friendships.

What helps

• Keep up your own routines, rest and friendships
• Know that these feelings are a normal part of the cycle
• Lean on other military families who understand
• Plan how and when you will stay in touch

How a child reacts depends on their age and personality. How the parent at home is coping makes a big difference, especially for young children. When parents handle the stress well, kids are less likely to struggle.

What it can look like

• Babies and toddlers: changes in eating or sleep, more crying or tantrums
• Preschoolers: clinginess, toilet setbacks, tummy aches, or blaming themselves
• School-age kids: moodiness, trouble at school, headaches or stomachaches
• Teens: anger, acting out, pulling away, or risky behavior

What helps

• Keep routines steady and give extra hugs and attention
• Keep the deployed parent connected through calls, letters and videos
• Limit news coverage, especially for young kids
• Talk honestly in words that fit their age
• Tell them their feelings are normal, and say it often
• Try creative projects like scrapbooks or letters

The partner at home often takes on extra duties and handles problems alone. Many feel proud of what they manage, and also tired, lonely or anxious. Both partners change during time apart, which can make reconnecting harder.

Looking after yourself

• Accept help with meals, childcare or errands
• Make time for sleep, movement and things you enjoy
• Notice signs of stress in yourself, not just in your kids or partner
• Stay connected with friends and other spouses
• Talk to a counselor if worry or low mood will not lift

A permanent change of station (PCS) means rebuilding the support and connections a family relies on every day. Kids change schools, spouses may have to change jobs or licenses, and everyone says goodbye to friends. It is normal for a move to feel disruptive and stressful.

What helps

• Ask about youth sponsorship, which pairs a child with a local peer
• Join classes, recreation or family activities to meet people
• Keep a predictable routine for meals, sleep and school
• Keep one familiar ritual, like a family meal or a morning walk
• Talk to a military and family life counselor about moving stress

The first “honeymoon” after a homecoming usually does not last. Everyone has changed. Kids have grown, the partner at home has new routines, and the service member may have been through trauma. Sleep problems and stress reactions can strain the family.

What helps

• Get help if reactions last, get worse or affect home, work or school
• Give everyone time to readjust
• Learn which reactions are common after deployment
• Respect each other’s boundaries
• Talk about how roles at home may need to shift

Many spouses, parents and children care for a veteran with injuries, illness or PTSD. Caregiving can be meaningful, and also exhausting and isolating. Caregivers often put their own needs last.

VA’s Caregiver Support Program offers caregivers of eligible veterans skills training, coaching, peer support mentoring, self-care support and more. Some caregivers may also qualify for a program with training, mental health counseling, respite care and a monthly stipend.

Losing a loved one who served brings a grief that can feel very lonely. It may be mixed with pride, anger, or questions that have no easy answers. There is no right way or timeline to grieve, and you do not have to do it alone.

Vet Centers offer bereavement counseling at no cost to families of service members who died on active duty, including Guard and Reserve members who died while on duty, and to families of veterans and service members who died by suicide.

TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) is a national nonprofit for all those grieving the death of a military or veteran loved one. It offers peer support and grief resources at no cost, including a 24/7 helpline at 800-959-TAPS (8277).

The National Call Center for Homeless Veterans is free, confidential and open 24/7 at 877-424-3838 (877-4AID-VET). It is for veterans who are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless. Trained staff connect you with your nearest VA for help.

Signs to act early

• An eviction or foreclosure notice
• Couch-surfing or sleeping in your car
• Falling behind on rent or a mortgage
• Leaving a hospital, treatment or jail with nowhere stable to go

VA runs several programs, including HUD-VASH (rental help plus a case manager, run with HUD), Supportive Services for Veteran Families (help to prevent homelessness or get rehoused quickly), and Grant and Per Diem transitional housing.

In 2024, VA reported that it had permanently housed nearly 48,000 veterans experiencing homelessness that year.

Money worries can feel shameful, but they are common after service, when pay, housing and health care all change at once. Talking about them early opens more doors.

Where to start

• Ask a Vet Center or VA social worker about local help
• Check which VA benefits you may be eligible for
• Military OneSource offers free financial counseling, and veterans can use it for up to 365 days after leaving service
• See the Money stress & your mind guide for coping and planning tips

Things to notice

• Anger or constant tension
• Drinking or using drugs more
• Feeling down or pulling away
• Reckless driving or other risky behavior
• Sleep problems
• Trouble at work, school or in relationships

You don’t need to ask about what happened in service. Listening without judging, and letting them share only what they want, is often the most helpful thing.

A gentle way to start

1. Choose a calm, planned time to talk.
2. Start with care: “I know things are hard right now, and I’d like to help.”
3. Suggest a step without pushing: “Maybe talking to someone at a Vet Center might help?”
4. Make it clear it’s their call.
5. Don’t try to settle everything at once. Come back to it later.

Warning signs to take seriously

• Giving away prized possessions or getting affairs in order
• Hopelessness, or heavy guilt, shame or a sense of failure
• Rage, risky actions, or drinking and drug use going up
• Talking about death, dying or suicide, or feeling there is no reason to live
• Withdrawing from family and friends

How you can help

• Ask directly: “Are you thinking about taking your own life?” Asking does not raise the risk.
• Help put time and distance between them and anything they could use to hurt themselves, such as making sure firearms are locked up.
• Listen more than you talk, without judging.
• Offer to call the Veterans Crisis Line together (dial 988 then press 1), and stay on the line.

Veterans often find their footing through people who “get it”. Peer support groups, veteran service projects and fitness or outdoor groups help rebuild the sense of team that service gave.

What anyone can do

• Employers: value military skills and be open about mental health support at work
• Faith groups: welcome veterans and families, and know where to point people for help
• Friends: keep inviting, even if they say no sometimes
• Neighbors: offer a meal or a ride to a new or struggling military family
• Everyone: ask “How are you really doing?” and mean it

When friends, employers, faith groups and neighbors talk openly about mental health, it becomes easier for veterans to say “Not great” and reach out.

Supporting a veteran who is struggling can be tiring and lonely. VA has Caregiver Support Program teams at every VA medical center, and the Caregiver Support Line is 1-855-260-3274.

VA offers care for PTSD, the effects of MST, depression, grief, anxiety and more. VA says you will start getting help the day you reach out, through walk-in visits, telehealth, nurse phone triage or secure messaging. You do not need to be enrolled in VA health care to get some services.

How to start

• If you already use VA: ask your primary care provider for a mental health appointment.
• If you don’t: contact your nearest VA medical center or Vet Center.
• VA health benefits hotline, to find the right help: 877-222-8387 (weekdays).
• You can walk into any VA medical center, any time, for urgent mental health care.

In a suicidal crisis, eligible veterans can get emergency care at any emergency department at no cost, under a law called the COMPACT Act.

Vet Centers are community counseling centers for eligible veterans, service members (including National Guard and Reserve) and their families. They offer individual, group, marriage and family counseling, including help with the move from military to civilian life, trauma and the effects of MST. Services are free.

Good to know

• Mobile Vet Centers bring counseling to communities far from services.
• Staff are often veterans themselves.
• Vet Center Call Center: 1-877-927-8387 (24/7) to talk with another combat veteran or find your nearest center.
• You do not need to be enrolled in VA health care.

Give an Hour is a national nonprofit founded in 2005. It runs weekly peer support groups, including groups for military and veterans and for military families. VA’s National Center for PTSD lists its free virtual peer groups as an option.

Wounded Warrior Project says all its programs are at no cost to veterans and their families. Its mental wellness programs include:

• Project Odyssey: a 12-week mental health workshop using outdoor, adventure-based learning to build resilience.
• Warrior Care Network: a two-week intensive program with partner academic medical centers for PTSD, TBI, MST and other concerns.
• WWP Talk: weekly one-on-one support calls with a partner who helps you set goals.

Some programs may also be open to caregivers and family. Eligibility varies, so contact them to check.

The Headstrong Project is a nonprofit that connects veterans, service members and their families to outpatient PTSD and trauma treatment with a network of trauma-informed therapists. Its program includes 30 sessions at no cost. You start with a phone intake, then get matched with a therapist.

Team RWB brings veterans, service members, military families and supporters together through local events, fitness challenges and outdoor adventures. Its goal is to build belonging early, so challenges do not become crises.

Team Rubicon is a veteran-led humanitarian organization, founded in 2010 by a Marine Corps veteran. Its volunteers, called Greyshirts, help communities before, during and after disasters. For many people, service projects like this are a way to use their skills and feel part of a team again.

Creative Forces: NEA Military Healing Arts Network offers art, music and dance/movement therapies, and creative writing, at military and VA clinical sites and by telehealth. Its community programs give military-connected people chances to experience and create art.

• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741
• National Call Center for Homeless Veterans: 877-424-3838, 24/7
• Vet Center Call Center: 1-877-927-8387, 24/7
• Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988 then press 1, or text 838255
• Women Veterans Call Center: call or text 855-829-6636

Op COURAGE is the NHS mental health service in England for people leaving the armed forces, reservists, veterans and their families. You can contact it yourself, ask a family member or friend to, or be referred by a GP or charity. Contact numbers for each region of England are on the NHS website.

Combat Stress runs a free, confidential 24-hour helpline for former military personnel, families and carers: 0800 138 1619.

The VAC Assistance Service offers free, confidential support from a mental health professional, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year: 1-800-268-7708. It is for Veterans, former RCMP members, their families and caregivers, and you don’t need to be a VAC client.

Open Arms is a national, free and confidential counselling service for current and former Australian Defence Force members and their families, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1800 011 046.

If you served in another country’s forces, or live abroad, support can look very different. Ask your country’s veterans’ agency, a local doctor or an embassy what exists for people who served. Peer groups and online communities can also help bridge the gap.

Findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines in many countries, searchable by country and topic.