After losing a veteran or service member to suicide

TAPS is the national organization for all those grieving the death of a military or veteran loved one. Its suicide loss survivors describe themselves as a family walking this journey together.

TAPS supports anyone who has lost someone who served in the U.S. Armed Forces to suicide, regardless of duty status.

VA offers suicide loss survivors no-cost bereavement counseling, chaplain services and 24/7 support, along with burial, memorial and benefits information.

TAPS calls caring for people bereaved by suicide “postvention”. Its model is a roadmap to move from surviving, to healing, to thriving after loss, shaped by thousands of survivors.

Many survivors ask “Why did this happen?” There is rarely one simple answer, and you may never have every piece.

Families and battle buddies often replay the last call, the missed text or the visit that didn’t happen. Hindsight makes things look clearer than they were at the time.

You were doing your best with what you knew. Talking with others who have lived this can ease the weight.

Some people feel anger at the person, at the military, at VA, at themselves or at God. Anger can sit right beside love and grief. It doesn’t need to be fixed, just given somewhere safe to go.

You may feel deep pride in their service alongside questions about what they carried. Old trauma, moral injury or the loss of other comrades can make this grief feel heavier.

VA invites survivors to ask about burial in a VA national cemetery or a VA grant-funded veterans cemetery, and about memorial items like headstones, markers, medallions and flags.

The Veterans Legacy Memorial is an online space where people can share memories of a veteran.

You may feel unsure about telling people their loved one died by suicide. AFSP says that, in the long run, most survivors are glad they chose to be honest about the facts of the death.

Saying “died by suicide” is a gentle, non-blaming way to talk about it.

• Gather stories from people they served with
• Keep a photo, a flag or their unit patch somewhere special
• Make a memory book or quilt panel with family
• Share their name and what they loved
• Support a cause they cared about

TAPS staff reach out to new surviving families as peer professionals and are available around the clock. New suicide loss survivors are paired with staff who have themselves lost a loved one to suicide.

Call TAPS 24/7 at 800-959-TAPS (8277). Services are free.

VA offers bereavement counseling to family members of veterans and service members who die by suicide. It’s provided at community-based Vet Centers, at no cost.

Find a Vet Center or call the Vet Center Call Center at 1-877-927-8387.

VA encourages survivors to check eligibility for survivor and dependent benefits and life insurance. A trusted friend can help gather paperwork and make calls.

AFSP has free booklets on children, teens and suicide loss, in English and Spanish. TAPS also runs youth programs for grieving children.

Research with veterans found that being exposed to a suicide was linked to more depression and anxiety, and the effect grew with how close the person was to the one who died. Researchers urge clinicians to ask about fellow service members, not just family.

This isn’t weakness. It’s a sign to look after yourself and let others help.

Veterans who had lost someone to suicide and also experienced the sudden traumatic death of a fellow service member were more likely to have had thoughts of suicide. If you’ve lost more than one comrade, please reach out early.

• Ask directly: “How are you really doing since we lost him?”
• Plan a call, a meetup or a memorial ride together
• Reach out to the ones who go quiet
• Share the Veterans Crisis Line in your group chat

Vet Center counselors and outreach staff, many of them veterans, are prepared to talk about the tragedies of war, loss and grief. Call 1-877-927-8387, 24/7.

• Choose who you want to be with, or whether you want quiet
• Decide if you’ll attend a ceremony, and have a way to leave early
• Line up a call or text with someone who gets it
• Plan something gentle for the evening after

Each fall, TAPS holds a National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar with peer grief support, workshops, art therapy and family programs.

AFSP supports hundreds of events worldwide on International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, where survivors come together for connection and hope.

TAPS peer mentors are survivors at least 18 months past their own loss. Suicide loss survivors are paired with mentors who have also lost someone to suicide.

TAPS also hosts a moderated online peer group and a monthly live chat for military suicide loss survivors.

AFSP’s Healing Conversations gives survivors of suicide loss the chance to talk with trained volunteers who are loss survivors themselves. AFSP also lists support groups in the U.S. and worldwide.

AFSP lists clinicians with training or experience supporting suicide loss survivors. VA’s Uniting for Suicide Postvention site has resources for everyone touched by suicide loss.

• Eat something, even if it’s small
• Get outside for a short walk
• Keep a simple routine on hard days
• Let friends bring meals or help with chores
• Write to your loved one in a journal

• TAPS: 800-959-TAPS (8277)
• Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988 then press 1, text 838255, or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net

The Veterans Crisis Line is for veterans, service members and the family and friends who support them. You don’t need to be enrolled in VA.

If you’re struggling, consider asking someone you trust to hold firearms or keys for a while. VA offers free cable gun locks at local facilities.

• Ask how their loved one lived, not how they died
• Bring a meal, mow the lawn or drive the kids
• Check in after the funeral, when others drift away
• Remember birthdays, anniversaries and Memorial Day
• Say their name and share a story

• Asking for details about the death
• Guessing at “why” or blaming anyone
• Saying “I know how you feel” if you don’t
• Setting a timeline for their grief

TAPS offers a national peer support network for everyone grieving a military or veteran loved one. Veteran groups, chaplains and faith communities can keep families included in events and remembrance long after the loss.

VA’s Uniting for Suicide Postvention site has guidance for communities and workplaces touched by a suicide loss.

• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741
• TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline: 800-959-TAPS (8277), 24/7
• Vet Center Call Center: 1-877-927-8387, 24/7
• Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988 then press 1, text 838255, or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net

The Veterans Crisis Line has a TTY line for people who are deaf or hard of hearing: 1-800-799-4889.

• Drinking or using drugs to get through the day
• Feeling you can’t go on without them
• Grief that isn’t easing at all after many months
• Not being able to work, sleep or care for yourself or others
• Thoughts of suicide

A Vet Center, your clinical provider or a counselor with suicide loss experience can help.

• Australia: Open Arms – Veterans & Families Counselling, 1800 011 046, 24/7
• Canada: VAC Assistance Service, 1-800-268-7708, 24/7
• United Kingdom: Combat Stress 24-hour helpline, 0800 138 1619

Anywhere else, findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines by country. AFSP also lists suicide loss support groups worldwide.