Alone time & solitude
Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. Time with yourself, when you choose it, can be calm, freeing and restoring.
By the numbers
What research says about time alone.
Benefits
U.S. trends
Being alone with thoughts
What solitude is
Alone, lonely and isolated are not the same.
Solitude simply means time on your own. It can be a walk alone, reading in a quiet room or sitting with your thoughts. Whether it feels good often depends on whether you chose it.
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Chosen solitude can support self-reflection, self-acceptance and personal growth, according to researchers at the University of California, Santa Cruz.
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You can feel lonely in a crowd, and content when alone. Loneliness is about the gap between the connection you have and the connection you need.
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Being alone because of illness, distance, rejection or fear is different from choosing quiet time. Solitude that is imposed on people is more likely to bring loneliness and lower life satisfaction.
What alone time can give you
Calm, less stress, and space to be yourself.
Solitude used to be seen mostly as a warning sign. Newer research shows it can also be good for you, especially when it is chosen.
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In one experiment, students who sat alone for 15 minutes without their phones felt fewer high-energy emotions afterward, both good ones like excitement and hard ones like anger or anxiety.
This can be useful when you feel wound up. It may be less helpful when you are already feeling flat.
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In a 21-day diary study of adults aged 35 and over, days with more time alone came with less stress. People who spent more time alone across the study were less stressed overall.
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On days with more solitude, people felt more free, authentic and less pressured. The lead researcher said time alone can leave us feeling less stress and free to be ourselves.
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Teens and young adults who chose solitude for reasons like self-reflection or peace and quiet did not show the higher social anxiety, loneliness or low mood seen in those who withdrew to escape.
Why choice matters so much
The same hour alone can feel restful or painful.
“The key factor is choice,” say the researchers who built a scale measuring why people spend time alone. Solitude becomes a problem when it is imposed, for example by rejection or fear of others.
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Solitude chosen for its own sake was linked to greater wellbeing, especially in young adults.
Sounds like
- “I enjoy the quiet.”
- “I feel energized after time to myself.”
- “I need to think this through.”
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Solitude driven by pressure or escape was tied to more loneliness, social anxiety and low mood.
Sounds like
- “Nobody wants me around anyway.”
- “It’s easier than risking embarrassment.”
- “I feel uncomfortable when I’m with others.”
Not getting enough alone time
Craving solitude and never getting it is hard too.
Most research looks at people who are alone too much. Psychologist Robert Coplan and colleagues named the opposite feeling “aloneliness”: the negative feelings that come from not getting enough time alone.
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For example
- Caregivers for a family member
- Parents of young children
- People in busy or crowded homes
- People in jobs full of meetings, customers or patients
- Students sharing a room
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Craving quiet doesn’t mean you don’t love the people around you. It may simply be a sign you need some time to recharge.
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Ideas
- A short walk around the block
- Earbuds and one song, eyes closed
- Sitting in the car for a few minutes before going in
- Swapping alone time with a partner or friend
- Waking 15 minutes before everyone else
Why being alone can feel hard
Sitting with your own thoughts is a skill.
In a well-known set of studies, many people did not enjoy sitting alone with nothing to do but think for 6 to 15 minutes. In one small experiment, some even chose a mild shock over just sitting.
Other researchers point out that most people in that experiment never shocked themselves. They argue that daydreaming is often mildly pleasant, and that people differ a lot.
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If silence feels uncomfortable, start small. A few minutes at a time is plenty. It often gets easier with practice.
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In the 15-minute solitude study, people were alone without their devices. Real rest from people can also mean a rest from feeds and messages.
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That is common. Having something gentle to do, like walking, drawing or writing, can help. If quiet often brings up painful memories, a therapist can help you work through them.
Ways to enjoy time alone
Ideas for solitude that restores you.
Calm from solitude happened whether or not people were doing something, like reading. What mattered most was being alone, and choosing it.
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Ideas
- A cup of tea with no phone
- Lying on the grass and watching clouds
- Sitting by a window
- Ten minutes of quiet before bed
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Ideas
- A solo walk somewhere new
- An early morning bike ride
- Stretching to music
- Swimming laps
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Ideas
- Baking something new
- Doodling or painting
- Playing an instrument
- Writing in a journal
- Working on a puzzle or model
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Ideas
- A café with a book
- A movie on your own
- A museum or library
- A park bench and people-watching
Different people, different needs
There’s no perfect amount of alone time.
The diary study found no one-size-fits-all balance between time alone and time with others. The lead researcher said there is no universal level of solitude to aim for.
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Researchers found solitude did similar things for introverts and extroverts. As one put it, introverts just need more of it.
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Teens and young adults who choose time alone are not necessarily isolated or depressed. The researchers encourage parents to see alone time as possibly helpful, while watching for withdrawal driven by fear or rejection.
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Feeling lonelier was more likely when time alone built up over several days in a row. If you live alone, planning regular contact can help keep solitude in balance.
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In some homes, wanting time alone is respected. In others, it might be seen as rude or worrying. Explaining what alone time does for you, kindly and simply, can help others understand.
When solitude tips into isolation
Signs that alone time isn’t helping anymore.
On days with more time alone, people in the diary study felt lonelier and less satisfied, unless the solitude was chosen and didn’t pile up day after day. Across U.S. surveys, people who spent more free time alone also reported lower life satisfaction on average.
Signs it may be time to check in with yourself
- Alone time no longer feels restful, just empty
- Days go by without talking to anyone, and you don’t want it that way
- You’re staying in mostly to avoid fear, shame or rejection
- You’ve stopped doing things you used to enjoy
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Ideas
- Reply to one message you’ve been putting off
- Sit in a café or library instead of at home
- Say yes to one small invitation
- Join one online or in-person group about something you like
Asking for space & giving it
Alone time without hurt feelings.
“It’s beneficial to know when you need to be alone and when you need to be with others,” say the UC Santa Cruz researchers. Being able to ask for space, and to give it, helps relationships too.
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Try saying
- “I love our time together. I also need an hour to recharge.”
- “It’s not about you. Quiet helps me feel like myself.”
- “Can I have 20 minutes after work, then I’m all yours?”
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Try
- Agree on a time to reconnect
- Ask what helps: “Do you want company or quiet?”
- Check in gently if they withdraw for a long time or seem low
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Parents can help children understand that being alone isn’t bad, and doesn’t mean nobody likes them.
Ideas
- A cozy corner for quiet time
- Calling it “recharge time,” not a punishment
- Showing them you take quiet breaks too
When and where to get help
When being alone feels heavy, you don’t have to carry it alone.
Reach out to a clinical provider or therapist if, for two weeks or more…
- You feel cut off from people and can’t find a way back
- Fear of others keeps you from going out or talking to people
- You’ve lost interest in things you usually enjoy
- Your mood makes it hard to get out of bed or do usual tasks
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Sources
- Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (peer-reviewed) (2018). Solitude as an approach to affective self-regulation (Nguyen, Ryan & Deci), Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 44(1): 92–106
- Scientific Reports (peer-reviewed) (2023). Balance between solitude and socializing: everyday solitude time both benefits and harms well-being (Weinstein, Vuorre, Adams & Nguyen), Scientific Reports 13: 21160
- University of Reading (2023). How solitude boosts wellbeing
- Journal of Adolescence (peer-reviewed) (2019). Motivation matters: Development and validation of the Motivation for Solitude Scale – Short Form (Thomas & Azmitia), Journal of Adolescence 70: 33–42
- University of California, Santa Cruz, via ScienceDaily (2019). Teens who seek solitude may know what’s best for them (University of California, Santa Cruz news release)
- Personality and Individual Differences (peer-reviewed) (2019). Seeking more solitude: Conceptualization, assessment, and implications of aloneliness (Coplan, Hipson, Archbell, Ooi, Baldwin & Bowker), Personality and Individual Differences 148: 17–26
- Carleton University. Seeking more solitude: conceptualization, assessment, and implications of aloneliness
- Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia (2022). A Twenty-First Century of Solitude? Time Alone and Together in the United States (Atalay, Working Paper 22-11)
- Science (peer-reviewed) (2014). Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind (Wilson et al.), Science 345(6192): 75–77
- Frontiers in Psychology (peer-reviewed) (2014). Is thinking really aversive? A commentary on Wilson et al.’s “Just think: the challenges of the disengaged mind” (Fox, Thompson, Andrews-Hanna & Christoff)
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Caring for Your Mental Health
This guide is for education and self-care. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Please talk to a counselor or clinical provider about your health. Reviewed October 2026.
