Everyday impulses

Ideas

• Make a spending plan, including a small “fun money” amount
• Use cash or a separate low-limit card for treats
• Remove saved card details from shopping sites
• Turn on bank alerts for purchases over a set amount
• Unsubscribe from sale emails and texts
• Shop with a list

Choose a number that fits your budget, maybe $25 or $100. Anything over it goes on a list or stays in the cart for a day. If you still want it after a night’s sleep, and it fits your plan, you can buy it calmly.

Questions to ask after the wait

• Do I still want it?
• Where will it live in my home?
• What would I give up to pay for it?
• Am I buying a feeling, or a thing?

Pay-later plans and store financing can make big purchases feel easy in the moment. Several small plans can add up quickly, and missed payments can bring fees.

These loans are common. In 2022, about 1 in 5 U.S. consumers with a credit record used one, and 63% of those borrowers had more than one going at the same time at some point that year. Most of these loans did not show up in credit records.

Before you split a payment

• Add up every plan you already have
• Check the fees for late payment
• Ask: would I buy this if I had to pay all of it today?

If money is already tight or causing worry, see the Money stress & your mind guide.

Watch for

• A claim that you owe money, or have won a prize but must pay a fee
• A demand to pay only by cryptocurrency, gift card, payment app or wire transfer
• Pressure to act right now, before you have time to think
• Someone pretending to be the government, a business or a charity you know

Steps

• Hang up and call the company on a number you already know
• Never pay or share details because of a call, text or email you didn’t expect
• Stop and talk to someone you trust before sending money

If a call claims a loved one is in trouble, hang up and call them, or another family member, directly. For voice clones and fake videos, see the AI scams, deepfakes & misinformation guide.

Steps

• Call your bank or card company right away
• Change passwords you may have shared
• Report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov
• Tell someone you trust

Messages and posts written in a rush of anger, hurt or excitement are some of the most common regrets. Screenshots last long after feelings fade.

Before you hit send

• Would I say this to their face?
• Would I be okay if my family, teacher or boss saw it?
• Will I feel the same tomorrow?
• Is this the right place for this conversation?

Scrolling often starts as a quick check and turns into an hour. Feeds are designed without an end, so the brakes have to come from you or your settings.

Ideas

• Use built-in screen-time limits on your phone
• Keep social apps off your home screen
• Decide when you’ll check, and for how long, before you open it
• Charge your phone outside your bedroom

Late-night scrolling also eats into sleep, which makes impulses harder to control the next day.

Distraction is especially dangerous for young, inexperienced drivers, but it puts every driver at risk.

Texting is risky because it takes your eyes off the road, your hands off the wheel and your mind off driving, all at once. Nine people are killed every day in U.S. crashes reported to involve a distracted driver.

Make it easy

• Turn on your phone’s driving or do-not-disturb mode
• Put the phone in the glove box or back seat
• Set your music or map before you start
• Ask a passenger to handle messages

A pause works best when it’s agreed ahead of time, so it doesn’t feel like walking out. Pick a phrase and a time to return.

Phrases to try

• “I’m getting too heated. Can we pick this up in 20 minutes?”
• “I want to get this right. Give me a little time.”
• “I care about this, so I need to calm down first.”

Some words do lasting damage: insults, threats to end the relationship, or bringing up someone’s deepest insecurity. Knowing your own “never say” list ahead of time can help you catch them.

Swap ideas

• Instead of “You always…”: “When this happened, I felt…”
• Instead of “I’m done!”: “I need a break, and I want to talk later.”
• Instead of an insult: say the feeling, “I’m really hurt.”

Loneliness, tiredness and alcohol all make it harder to hold back. Alcohol in particular makes it harder for the brain areas behind judgment to do their job.

Ideas

• Mute or archive the chat for a while
• Give your phone to a friend on nights out
• Text a friend instead: “Talk me out of texting my ex”
• Write the message in notes and read it in the morning

Write your reply with the recipient field empty, so it can’t go by accident. Come back after a break or the next morning. Most of the time you’ll want to soften it.

Check before sending

• Is the tone calm and clear?
• Did I stick to facts?
• Would a quick call or chat be better?
• Would I be okay with this being forwarded?

If you tend to blurt out ideas, it’s often because you’re worried you’ll forget them. Give the thought somewhere to go.

Ideas

• Jot your idea on paper and wait for a gap
• Count to three after someone stops talking
• Ask, “Can I add something?” before jumping in
• Agree on a signal with a trusted colleague or teacher

If interrupting is part of ADHD for you, the ADHD guides have more ideas, including asking for reasonable adjustments.

A terrible day can make quitting feel like the only option. A good mood can make saying yes to five new projects feel easy. Both are worth sleeping on.

Try

• Make a rule: no big career or school decisions on the same day as a bad event
• Talk it through with someone you trust first
• Write a pros and cons list after a night’s sleep
• If you say yes too fast, it’s okay to go back and say “I’ve thought again”

For help with work stress, see the Work & mental health guide.

Examples

• Sudden large purchases, gifts or donations
• New gambling
• Saying hurtful or socially awkward things they never used to
• Falling for scams more easily
• Risky driving or poor safety choices

Any one of these can happen for many reasons. A pattern of new changes is the cue to talk with a doctor.

A clinical provider can look at the whole picture, including health conditions, memory and thinking, mood, alcohol use, and anything new in their care plan.

Bring to the appointment

• Examples of what has changed, and when it started
• Any recent falls, illnesses or hospital stays

For more on memory and thinking changes, see the Dementia: understanding it guide and the Old age: mental health in later life guide.

If an older loved one is spending impulsively, work with them, not around them, as much as you can. Talk calmly about simple safeguards.

Ideas

• Bank alerts sent to a trusted family member too
• Lower card limits
• A “call me before you send money” agreement
• Help spotting scam calls and messages

Signs

• Debt or money worries that keep growing
• Hiding purchases, bets or screen time
• Relationships, school or work are suffering
• Someone close to you is worried
• You’ve tried to cut back and can’t

Habits that start as impulses can slowly become harder to control. See Compulsive habits: the basics, Shopping & spending, and Gambling & sports betting.

Options

• A school or college counselor
• A therapist, for example one trained in CBT or DBT
• Your clinical provider
• Your workplace employee assistance program (EAP), if you have one

If money is the main worry, the Debt & financial hardship guide has steps and places to get free help. For finding and paying for care, see Finding mental health care.

The Urge & craving toolkit guide has step-by-step skills: the HALT check, urge surfing, the STOP skill, the 10-minute rule, if-then plans and repair.

If impulses show up in many parts of your life, the ADHD guides may be worth a look. Only a qualified professional can assess what’s going on.