Self-care basics

Think of the airplane safety rule: put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. If you run out of air, you can’t help anyone. Self-care works the same way. When you are rested and steady, you have more to give.

Online, self-care often looks like spa days and shopping. Real self-care is often much plainer: going to bed on time, drinking water, eating a real meal, answering a hard email or booking a checkup.

Treats are fine and fun. But if “self-care” only means spending money or escaping, you may still feel worn out underneath.

Ask yourself

• Is this caring for me, or helping me avoid something?
• Will this help me feel better tomorrow, not just right now?

For one person, a party is self-care. For another, it is a quiet night with a book. A long run might restore one person and exhaust someone else. There is no right list.

Your needs also change. What helps during exam week or a new baby might be different from what helps on vacation.

Building a self-care routine can take time, especially when you are trying new habits. Set aside time on purpose in your normal routine, and be patient with yourself.

Even small amounts of self-care can make a difference. Ten minutes a day you protect is better than one perfect day a year.

Related guides in the app

• Body basics for your mind: water, food, hygiene, daylight and routines
• Rest & recharging: breaks, low-energy days, switching off and time away
• Self-compassion & your inner critic: feelings, permission and kindness to yourself
• Setting boundaries & saying no: protecting your time and energy

Long-term stress can show up as

• Feeling exhausted even after rest
• Feeling irritable, anxious or sad
• Getting sick more often
• Headaches, aches and tight muscles
• Stomach and digestion problems

Some people also reach for quick fixes like overeating, smoking or drinking to cope. These can feel like relief in the moment but add more strain over time.

Harvard Health calls this the “relaxation response.” It can be brought on by slow belly breathing, focusing on a calming word, picturing a peaceful place, repeated prayer, yoga or tai chi.

A brisk walk after a stressful moment helps too. It deepens your breathing and eases muscle tension, which tells your body the “danger” is over.

The Breathing basics guide has step-by-step breaths to try, and the Grounding & calming skills guide has quick calming tools.

Harvard Health notes that emotional support from family and friends may protect people from chronic stress, and close ties are linked to living longer. Talking things through, or just being with someone safe, helps your body settle.

That’s why self-care isn’t only something you do alone. See “Social self-care & community care” below for ways to protect your connections.

Cleveland Clinic suggests setting small daily, weekly and monthly goals, and looking back at the end of each day on what you got done. Feeling more in control can make stress feel less overwhelming.

It also suggests accepting what you can’t control, and letting go of worry about it. Putting energy where it can make a difference is a kind of self-care.

How much sleep is recommended (CDC)

• School age (6–12 years): 9 to 12 hours
• Teens (13–17 years): 8 to 10 hours
• Adults (18–60 years): 7 or more hours
• Adults (61–64 years): 7 to 9 hours
• Adults (65 and older): 7 to 8 hours

Habits that help

• Avoid big meals right before bed
• Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends
• Keep your bedroom quiet, relaxing and cool
• Put screens away at least 30 minutes before bed
• Skip caffeine in the afternoon and evening

Skipping meals can make you shaky, cranky and foggy. Eating balanced meals regularly helps keep your energy steady through the day.

A balanced plate can include

• Fruits and vegetables
• Lean protein, like beans, eggs, fish or chicken
• Low-fat dairy
• Whole grains, like oats or brown rice

Notice how caffeine and alcohol affect your mood. Cutting back may help.

NIMH lists drinking plenty of water as part of caring for your mental health. It is one of the easiest self-care habits to start.

Easy ways to drink more

• Add fruit slices if plain water feels boring
• Drink a glass with every meal
• Keep a water bottle in your bag or car

Walking just 30 minutes a day can help boost your mood and improve your health. Small amounts of movement add up too.

CDC suggests adults start small and work up to about 2½ hours of activity a week. That can be split into 20 to 30 minutes a day.

The CDC’s full adult guideline is 150 minutes of moderate activity a week (like brisk walking), or about 75 minutes of vigorous activity, plus muscle-strengthening on at least two days. Activity supports both physical and mental health.

Movement that counts

• Dancing in the kitchen
• Gardening or yard work
• Playing outside with kids
• Stretching or gentle yoga
• Walking the dog

Schedule regular time for relaxing activities, just like you would schedule anything else important. Options include breathing exercises, meditation, music, reading, time in nature and low-stress hobbies.

Keeping up with regular checkups, screenings and vaccines is part of caring for your whole self.

It can feel like a chore. But booking that appointment you have been putting off is one of the kindest things you can do for future you.

After you spend time with someone, check in with yourself. Do you feel calmer, more yourself, more hopeful? Or tense, small or drained? Everyone has hard days, but a pattern is worth noticing.

You don’t have to cut people off to protect your energy. You can see some people less, in shorter visits, or in group settings. The Setting boundaries & saying no guide has kind ways to say it.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed people since 1938. It found that people who were most satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.

Ways to deepen a connection

• Ask a follow-up question and really listen
• Put your phone away during a visit or call
• Set a regular time, like a weekly call or walk
• Share something real, not just “I’m fine”

Some people recharge by being around others. Some recharge alone, then enjoy people more afterward. Neither is better. Social self-care means knowing your own needs and planning for them.

Ideas

• Either way: one-on-one time often feels deeper than big groups
• If people drain you: plan quiet time after busy events
• If quiet drains you: book a coffee or call into lonely days

Easy ways to stay in touch

• Do something side by side, like a chore or a show, without needing to talk
• Join a regular class, club or faith group so connection is built into your week
• Send a photo with “this made me think of you”
• Voice note while you walk or cook

Feeling lonely or cut off? The Ways to reconnect guide has step-by-step ideas for reconnecting.

Self-care is not something you have to do all alone. Community care means people looking out for each other: checking in, sharing the load and making space for rest.

Relationships with family, friends, coworkers and neighbors give us both emotional support and practical help, like a ride or last-minute childcare. Feeling connected can lower the risk of depression and anxiety.

Ways to practice community care

• Ask someone how they are, and really listen to the answer
• Offer practical help, like cooking or running an errand
• Share a meal with family or friends
• Thank someone for something they did
• Visit someone who could use company
• Volunteer at a school, hospital or community group

Giving to others is good for you too. The NHS lists it as one of five steps to better mental wellbeing, alongside connecting with people, being active, learning new skills and paying attention to the present moment.

The Community care & belonging guide has ideas for neighborhoods, mutual aid and volunteering.

Values are what you care about most, like kindness, family, honesty, creativity or justice. When daily life feels far from your values, you can feel empty even if you are “doing everything right.”

Small values-based self-care

• Value: creativity → 15 minutes of drawing or music
• Value: family → a weekly call with a grandparent
• Value: helping → one kind act a week
• Value: learning → a library book on something new

Much self-care advice online comes from one way of life: alone time, spending money on yourself, “me first.” In many families and cultures, care looks more like cooking together, caring for elders, praying as a group or gathering for festivals. That counts too.

Cultural self-care might be

• Celebrating holidays and traditions
• Cooking a family recipe
• Music, dance or crafts from your roots
• Speaking or listening to your first language
• Time with elders and their stories

The Culture & mental health guide goes deeper into culture, family and finding care that understands you.

For people of faith, practices like prayer, reading sacred texts, worship, fasting and service can bring comfort, structure and connection. Repeated prayer is one of the ways Harvard Health lists to bring on the body’s calming relaxation response.

Faith and professional care can work together. The Faith & mental health guide has more, plus guides for several faith traditions.

Spirituality is often described as how people look for meaning, purpose, connection and value in life. You might find that in nature, art, music, volunteering, quiet reflection or looking at the night sky.

Questions to reflect on

• What gives me a sense of awe or wonder?
• What would I like to be remembered for?
• When do I feel most like myself?

The Spirituality your way guide has many more practices, from awe walks to meditation styles.

Teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, more than adults. School, sports, jobs and phones often squeeze it out. Protecting sleep is one of the most powerful things a teen can do for their mood and focus.

Feeling connected matters too. The CDC says students who feel connected to their school are less likely to have poor mental health, and that feeling connected in the teen years is linked to better mental health in adulthood too.

Teen self-care ideas

• Charge your phone outside your bedroom at night
• Find one club, team, group or adult at school where you feel you belong
• Make time for things you enjoy that aren’t graded or posted
• Talk to a trusted adult when things feel heavy

The Teens’ mental health guide has much more for teens and the adults who care about them.

In your late teens and twenties, nobody is setting your bedtime or making your meals anymore. Self-care becomes something you build yourself, often while juggling classes, work, money worries and new relationships.

Ideas that help

• Anchor your day with one steady habit, like a regular wake-up time
• Keep in touch with old friends while you make new ones
• Learn three cheap, simple meals you can cook
• Use free campus or community services, like counseling or gyms
• Watch late nights and drinking, which can quietly drag down mood and sleep

See the College & university life and Young adults (18–25) guides for more.

Midlife can mean caring for children and aging parents at the same time, a demanding job, body changes and money pressure. Self-care often drops to the bottom of the list just when stress is highest.

Ideas that help

• Ask yourself what you want the next chapter to hold
• Book the health checkups you’ve been putting off
• Keep or restart one hobby that is just for you
• Protect time with friends; it often slips away in these years
• Share caregiving with siblings, partners or services

The World Health Organization reports that loneliness and social isolation affect about a quarter of older people, and are key risk factors for mental health problems in later life.

The WHO points to things like befriending, support groups, creative arts, volunteering, physical activity and healthy eating as ways to support older adults’ mental health.

Later-life self-care ideas

• Keep a regular coffee, call or walk with a friend
• Keep moving in ways that feel safe for your body
• Spend time with younger people, like grandchildren or neighbors
• Try an art, music or exercise class at a community or senior center
• Volunteer, mentor or share your skills

The “Old age: mental health in later life” guide covers retirement, grief, memory changes and more.

Night work is hard on sleep. A CDC report found that 18.5% of night-shift workers had insomnia, compared with 8.4% of daytime workers.

Tips from the CDC’s workplace safety institute (NIOSH)

• Lean on family and friends for support
• Make your sleep space dark, quiet, cool and comfortable
• Practice ways to reduce stress
• Stay physically active
• Take a longer nap before a night shift
• Use bright light to help your body clock adjust

Working from home can save commute time, but work can spread into every corner of the day. It can also be lonely.

Ideas that help

• Get outside at least once during the workday
• Have a set start and stop time
• Plan a “fake commute”: a short walk before and after work
• Schedule real conversations, not just messages
• Work from one spot, and leave it at the end of the day

The Work-life balance guide has more on remote work, boundaries and after-hours messages. The Rest & recharging guide has an end-of-day switch-off routine.

Nurses, teachers, builders, drivers, retail and service workers often can’t take breaks when they choose. Self-care may have to fit into small gaps: a slow breath before the next customer, water at every chance, stretching on the way to the car.

Ideas

• Debrief a hard day with a coworker who understands
• Eat a real meal on your break, even a quick one
• Keep comfortable shoes and a water bottle at work
• Plan rest days after a run of long shifts

Living with a disability or a long-term health condition can mean you manage your health every single day. That takes a lot of energy, and standard self-care advice doesn’t always fit. Your self-care might look different, and that is completely valid.

More than 1 in 4 U.S. adults have a disability. The CDC reports that adults with disabilities experience frequent mental distress almost five times as often as adults without disabilities. In 2018, about 17.4 million adults with disabilities (32.9%) had frequent mental distress.

Plan around your energy. The NHS suggests keeping to routines, planning activities you enjoy, and pacing yourself by spreading tasks out and resting when needed. This helps avoid the cycle of overdoing it and then crashing. Celebrate achievements, however small.

Pacing ideas

• Build rest into your plan, not just when you run out
• Plan your hardest task for your best time of day
• Say no to “extras” on high-symptom days
• Sit down for tasks you usually stand for

Being unwell can leave you feeling isolated, or stuck with feelings like anger, guilt or grief. The NHS suggests talking to someone you trust, or joining an online or in-person peer-support group. It also suggests telling family, friends or coworkers what you’re going through, so they can help with things like shopping, chores or getting to appointments.

People who share your condition or disability can offer understanding that others can’t, plus practical tips that come from real life.

The CDC encourages people with disabilities to care for their bodies with deep breaths, stretching or meditation, balanced meals, regular activity, plenty of sleep, and time to unwind with things they enjoy. It also suggests reaching out to community or faith-based organizations, online, by phone or by mail if getting out is hard.

Adapted ideas

• Audiobooks or podcasts when reading is tiring
• Chair yoga or seated stretching
• Guided relaxation or muscle relaxation lying down
• Meal prep on good days for harder days

The CDC suggests contacting your healthcare provider if mental distress lasts several days in a row, or gets in the way of daily life on many days a month. Counseling and therapy are available in person and by telehealth.

People caring for a sick, disabled or older loved one often put themselves last. But caregivers need to look after their own health to keep caring well.

Respite care means someone else looks after your loved one so you can take a break. CDC notes that even a few hours of respite a week can improve your well-being.

Respite can look like

• Adult day programs
• Family or friends stepping in for a few hours
• In-home help
• Short stays in a care facility
• Volunteer “sitting” services

People often say “let me know if you need anything,” but it’s hard to ask. Pick a task or time you’d like help with, like groceries, a school run, an afternoon sitting with your loved one or one meal a week. A shared online calendar lets people sign up.

Sharing your experience with other caregivers can bring support and new ideas, and online groups help if it’s hard to leave home. Tell your doctor you are a caregiver. They can keep it in mind and may know local support groups.

Parents rarely get long stretches of free time. Self-care might be five quiet minutes with your coffee, a walk with the stroller, or trading babysitting with another parent.

When kids see you rest, set boundaries and handle feelings kindly, they learn to do the same.

Researchers suggest tying your new action to a specific time and place you meet every day, then doing it each time that moment comes around.

Examples

• After I brush my teeth at night, I write one good thing from today
• After I pour my morning coffee, I drink a glass of water
• When I park at home, I take three slow breaths before going in
• When I sit down for lunch, I put my phone face-down

The habit researchers recommend picking a simple action you can do every day. Big goals, like “exercise an hour a day,” are hard to repeat. Small ones, like “walk to the end of the street after dinner,” are easier to turn into habits, and you can grow them later.

In the habit study, missing one chance to do the habit did not seriously set people back. Progress picked up again soon after.

So if you miss a day, don’t give up or wait for a “fresh start” on Monday. Just do it again at the next cue. Try not to miss twice in a row.

The researchers suggest a simple tick-sheet, and expect a habit to feel easier over time, often becoming automatic in about 10 weeks.

Ways to track

• A check mark on a paper calendar
• A note on your phone
• The “7-day self-care experiment” worksheet in this guide

Common roadblocks are no time, no energy, no money, guilt, or other people needing you. Thinking ahead about your biggest roadblock, and a backup plan, makes it easier to keep going.

If… then… plans

• If I feel guilty, then I’ll read my permission slips
• If I get home late, then I’ll do the 2-minute version
• If it rains, then I’ll stretch indoors instead of walking

Cleveland Clinic notes that self-care doesn’t have to be demanding, fancy or expensive. What matters most is that it helps you feel good or relaxed.

Free or almost free

• A library card for books, movies and free events
• A long shower with the lights low
• A walk outside or a visit to a park
• Calling or visiting a friend
• Cooking a simple meal you love
• Free video workouts or yoga
• Going to bed 30 minutes earlier
• Journaling with any notebook
• Making a playlist
• Volunteering in your community

Strong relationships are linked to lower risk of depression and anxiety, and close ties help buffer stress.

In many cultures, self-care is woven into family and community life. Asking for help and helping others are both self-care.

A review of 22 study groups found that micro-breaks of 10 minutes or less helped people feel more energized and less tired.

NIMH notes that even small amounts of self-care in your daily routine can have a big impact.

Booking a doctor’s appointment, paying a bill, going to bed instead of watching one more episode, or having a hard conversation doesn’t feel cozy. But these things care for your future self.

Checkups, screenings and vaccines are part of caring for your whole self.

The World Health Organization describes self-care as working alongside health care, not replacing it. Depression, anxiety, trauma and other conditions often need support from a professional, and that is not a failure.

See “When self-care isn’t enough” at the end of this guide.

Online self-care often looks like face masks, candles and smoothies. Those are fine if you enjoy them. But real self-care is personal. It might be a nap, a prayer, a messy sketch, or saying no to a party.

Cleveland Clinic’s test is simple: what matters is that it helps you feel good or relaxed.

Things you might notice

• Pulling away from friends, hobbies or activities they enjoyed
• Seeming irritable, restless or unable to focus
• Skipping meals or eating very differently
• Sleeping much more or less than usual
• Struggling with everyday tasks like laundry, dishes or bills

NIMH suggests that when changes like these last two weeks or more, it is a good time to talk with a health professional.

Try saying

• “I care about you. What would make this week a little easier?”
• “I’ve noticed you seem really worn out lately. How are you doing?”
• “It seems like a hard time. How can I help you find support?”
• “Want to grab some fresh air with me? Just a short walk.”

SAMHSA suggests expressing concern and support, reassuring the person you care, and reminding them that help is available.

• “You just need a bubble bath / a vacation.”
• “You’d feel better if you exercised.”
• “You’re letting yourself go.”
• Comparing them with someone who “has it together”

When someone is struggling, advice can sound like criticism. Listening first, and offering help instead of instructions, usually lands better.

• Drop off a meal or groceries
• Help with one chore together, like laundry or dishes
• Invite them for a walk, a coffee or a movie night
• Offer to watch kids or a loved one so they can rest
• Send a “thinking of you, no need to reply” message

SAMHSA suggests helping with everyday tasks and continuing to include people in plans without being overbearing. For caregivers, the CDC notes that even a few hours of respite a week can help.

NIMH lists warning signs such as talking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling hopeless or trapped, withdrawing, giving belongings away, and big changes in sleep, eating or drug and alcohol use. Get help quickly if these are new or getting worse.

Helping someone can be draining. Keep up your own basics, share the support with others, and use the ideas in the Setting boundaries & saying no guide. You can care deeply and still say, “I can’t do that today.”

Good relationships are good for supporters too. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, running since 1938, found that people most satisfied with their relationships at 50 were the healthiest at 80.

The Supporting someone you love guide has more on listening, what to say and when to worry.

NIMH suggests talking to a primary care provider if you have concerns about your mental health. They can refer you to a qualified mental health professional, such as a psychologist or clinical social worker.

The Finding mental health care guide explains types of help, costs and how to find a therapist. The “Therapy: the basics” guide explains what talk therapy is like.

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is for anyone in emotional distress, not only people thinking about suicide. You can call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.

Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to reach a trained crisis counselor.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) lists free, confidential helplines by country and topic, with phone, text and chat options. You don’t need to be in crisis to use one.