Weight stigma: being judged for your size

An international group of experts warned against words and images that show bigger people as lazy, greedy or lacking willpower. These ideas are common, but they are not true.

Common myths

• “They don’t care about their health.”
• “They just need to try harder.”
• “They must eat badly.”
• “Thin means healthy.”

Weight stigma is often spoken out loud, from playground names to comments at family dinners. Even remarks meant kindly, like “You’d be so pretty if you lost weight,” can sting for years.

Research describes weight bias at work, in schools, in health care, in the media and in personal relationships. Women face particular weight stigma at work, in education and in dating.

This is called internalized weight bias. Many people in bigger bodies carry it, often without noticing. It has its own section below.

Family comments can hurt the most because they come from people we love. They are often mixed with worry or with cultural ideas about bodies.

In a survey of adults in four countries, weight was named as the most common reason young people are bullied, ahead of race, sexual orientation and religion.

Weight bias has been found in hiring and treatment at work.

Patients who feel judged may put off care, which can mean problems are found later.

More than two-thirds of images used in U.S. news stories about obesity were found to carry weight stigma. Images like these quietly teach people to look down on bigger bodies.

Small seats, narrow turnstiles and limited clothing sizes can send the message that some bodies are not expected. That is a design problem, not a body problem.

Things that can help

• Asking ahead about seating at venues or on trips
• Bringing a friend to places that feel hard
• Finding shops and brands that carry your size
• Knowing it is fine to ask for a different chair

In lab studies, people who were shown weight-stigmatizing material had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol and ate more afterwards than people who were not.

This is the opposite of what shaming is supposed to do. Shame does not help people get healthier. It tends to make things harder.

People who had felt weight discrimination were about two and a half times as likely to have a mood or anxiety condition, even after taking body size into account.

You might notice

• Bracing yourself before events or appointments
• Feeling like people are watching you eat
• Low mood after comments or photos
• Wanting to stay home

Weight stigma has been linked with avoiding exercise. Movement is for every body, and you get to choose places and people that feel safe.

Gentler options

• Dancing at home
• Home workout videos made for many body sizes
• Swimming at quieter times
• Walking with a friend

Adults at higher weights were nearly three times as likely to say they had been denied appropriate medical care. Many put off care because of stigma.

People in larger bodies have a high risk of eating disorders, and fewer than 6% of people with eating disorders are medically underweight.

Examples

• “I don’t deserve nice clothes until I lose weight.”
• “I’ll date, travel or apply for that job when I’m smaller.”
• “If people are unkind, it’s my fault.”
• “No one could find me attractive like this.”

Try saying, “That is weight stigma talking, not the truth.” Naming it creates a little space between you and the thought.

Ideas

• Book the trip or the class
• Buy clothes that fit you now
• Let yourself be in photos
• Say yes to a swim or a dance

You would not tell a friend they deserve to be mocked. You deserve the same kindness. Self-compassion is a skill that grows with practice.

Try

• “I don’t discuss my body.”
• “Let’s talk about something else.”
• “My health is between me and my doctor.”
• “No thanks, I’m good.”

Try

• “I know you care, but comments about my weight hurt.”
• “If you’re worried about me, ask how I’m doing, not what I weigh.”
• “When you say that, I feel ashamed, not supported.”

Try

• “Can we not judge people’s bodies?”
• “That’s not cool.”
• “We don’t know anything about her life.”

Speaking up does not have to be a big speech. A short word can let others know they are not alone.

With strangers who are aggressive, it is often best not to engage. Move away, find a friend or staff member, and take care of yourself afterwards.

Ideas

• Follow accounts about hobbies, not looks
• Follow people of many sizes doing ordinary things
• Mute accounts built on “before and after” photos
• Turn off comments on your own posts if needed

Being around people who accept you as you are can soften the impact of stigma elsewhere. That might be friends, a faith group, a club or an online community.

Ideas

• Dancing
• Gardening
• Gentle stretching
• Swimming
• Walking in nature

Movement helps mood and sleep at any size. Pick what you enjoy, and pick places where you feel welcome.

Squeezing into clothes that pinch can be a daily reminder of shame. Clothes that fit your body now can help you feel more at ease.

Ideas

• A call with a friend who gets it
• A favourite show
• A warm shower or bath
• Writing out what happened

A young person might

• Avoid gym class, the cafeteria or the bus
• Become very private about food or start skipping meals
• Say mean things about their own body
• Seem upset after being online
• Suddenly not want to go to school

Advice from the American Academy of Pediatrics

• Encourage them to tell a trusted teacher or coach
• Help them stay with at least one friend at school
• Point out strengths that have nothing to do with weight
• Say clearly that nobody deserves to be teased and bullying is never okay
• Take online bullying seriously
• Talk with the teacher, then the principal or school counselor if it continues

The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that parents and siblings sometimes make negative comments about a child’s weight. It suggests stopping this, and agreeing as a family on ground rules for supportive talk.

Michigan’s Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act includes height and weight in its protections, including at work.

The NYC Human Rights Law protects against discrimination based on height, weight or body size in jobs, housing and public places such as restaurants, shops and hospitals. There are narrow exceptions, for example where another law requires a size rule.

The NYC Commission on Human Rights takes reports online, and its website lists other ways to report.

Some cities have their own rules. If weight-based treatment is tied to something else that is protected, such as a disability, sex or race, other laws may apply. A local legal aid office or employment lawyer can explain your options.

Helpful habits

• Ask a trusted person to witness or support you
• Keep copies of emails, messages or policies
• Write down what happened, when, and who was there

Try

• “How are you really doing?”
• “I love spending time with you.”
• “That colour suits you.”
• “You look happy.”

Avoid

• “Have you lost weight? You look great!”
• “I’m only saying it because I worry about your health.”
• “Should you be eating that?”
• “You have such a pretty face.”

Praising weight loss can hurt someone who is ill, grieving or struggling with food. It also tells everyone listening that smaller is better.

Experts recommend avoiding words and pictures that show bigger people as lazy or lacking willpower.

People describe their own bodies in different ways. Some prefer “higher weight” or “larger body.” Some have reclaimed the word “fat” as a neutral describing word. If you’re not sure, listen to how they talk about themselves.

Ideas

• Avoid diet talk at shared meals and at work
• Choose venues with sturdy, armless seating
• Offer team shirts and uniforms in a full range of sizes
• Plan activities that don’t centre on bodies

The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) runs a free helpline: 1-888-375-7767, Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Central. ANAD also runs free online peer support groups.

Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line, 24/7.

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Visit findahelpline.com to find free, confidential helplines in more than 150 countries, by phone, text or chat.