Coping with discrimination: protecting your mental health

Being treated with less respect, getting poorer service, or people acting as if you aren’t smart or as if they’re afraid of you. These were the day-to-day experiences measured in the APA survey.

Being turned down for a job or promotion, refused housing, treated unfairly by police, or treated unfairly at school. In the APA survey, unfair treatment at work was the most common major experience for every group.

Some unfairness doesn’t come from one person. It can be built into how places run, who gets hired, or how services are offered. This can be hard to name, but it is real.

Discrimination can follow people onto their phones. It’s okay to mute, block, report and step away. Your peace matters more than winning an argument with a stranger.

Anger tells you a line was crossed. It can fuel action. It can also wear you out if it has nowhere to go. Moving your body, writing it down or talking it through can help release it safely.

Being judged for who you are can bring deep sadness. Over time it can feed low mood or hopelessness. These feelings deserve care, not dismissal.

If something has happened before, your mind may try to protect you by staying alert. That can show up as worry, tension or trouble relaxing.

Managing how others see you, deciding whether to speak up and replaying what happened can drain your energy. Feeling tired is a normal reaction to carrying this load.

Stress from discrimination is linked to less healthy habits. Noticing changes early, like sleeping badly or drinking more, gives you a chance to choose other ways to cope.

Some people hide parts of who they are (their accent, faith, disability, relationships or culture) to stay safe or be taken seriously. It can protect you, but it can also be tiring and lonely.

Avoiding places where you’ve been treated badly makes sense. Notice, though, if avoidance starts to cost you things you need, like health care, friendships or opportunities. Bringing a trusted person along can help.

Often you can’t be sure why someone treated you badly. You don’t need proof to take your feelings seriously or to look after yourself. Talking it over with someone who understands can help you make sense of it.

You might tell yourself

• “That was about their bias, not my worth.”
• “I belong here as much as anyone.”
• “I don’t have to prove myself to people who have already decided.”

Connecting with your culture and community can bring a sense of belonging. Learning about people like you who have faced unfairness and thrived can be a source of strength.

Keeping a list of things you’ve done, people who value you and qualities you like in yourself gives you something to read on hard days.

In the APA survey, 65% of people facing discrimination who had emotional support said they coped well, compared with 37% of those without support. Talking with people who have had similar experiences can help you feel less alone.

Some people find strength in reporting what happened, joining a group working for fairness, or supporting others. Action doesn’t have to be big. It also doesn’t have to be now. The “Taking action, big or small” section has ideas.

You can decide where you go, who you spend time with and how much news and social media you take in. Limiting time with distressing news and posts is a good place to start.

Hobbies, prayer, meditation or time outside can help you feel steady. What works is different for everyone.

Right after something happens

• Drink some water
• Take a few slow breaths, with a longer breath out
• Step away somewhere quiet if you can
• Text or call someone who gets it

Rest, a favourite meal, music, laughter and time with people you love are not distractions from the problem. They are how you refill.

The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) can be reached at 1-800-669-4000 or eeoc.gov. There are time limits, usually 180 days, or 300 days in some states.

The U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights handles discrimination at schools and colleges that get federal money. Complaints are generally due within 180 days.

You can report civil rights violations, including hate incidents that are not crimes, to the Department of Justice Civil Rights Division at civilrights.justice.gov.

In an emergency, call 911. You can also report to local police and to the FBI at tips.fbi.gov or 1-800-CALL-FBI (1-800-225-5324).

VictimConnect offers free, confidential help finding local services for victims of crime. Call or text 1-855-484-2846 (1-855-4VICTIM), or chat at victimconnect.org.

You might say

• “I believe you.”
• “That wasn’t okay. I’m sorry it happened.”
• “How are you feeling about it?”
• “Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

Try not to say

• “Are you sure that’s what they meant?”
• “You’re being too sensitive.”
• “Just ignore it.”
• “That happens to everyone.”

Even with good intentions, these can leave someone feeling doubted and alone.

Some people want help reporting. Others just want to vent or be distracted. Ask what they need, and respect their answer, even if you would choose differently.

Things you can do

• Check in with the person afterwards
• Calmly say “That’s not okay”
• Change the subject or give the person a way out
• Offer to be a witness if they report it