Adult third culture kids: belonging, roots and restlessness
You grew up with the world as your backyard. As an adult, you get to choose what home means, and you can build it on purpose.
By the numbers
What studies of adults who grew up abroad have found.
Research
United States
Growing up abroad, then growing up
What carries over from a mobile childhood into adult life.
An adult third culture kid (ATCK) is an adult who spent part of their childhood outside their parents’ home culture. The places may be far behind you, but the way you learned to live, love and say goodbye often comes with you.
Research gives a mixed and hopeful picture. In one study, adults who grew up as TCKs reported more resilience, a weaker sense of ethnic identity, and less comfort getting close to people than adults who did not.
Another study found that, on average, adult TCKs grew more mature and well adjusted over the years, which the author notes is more positive than many media stories suggest.
Belonging and “home”
When home is people, memories and smells more than one place.
TCKs often feel they belong most with other globally mobile people, rather than in their passport or host countries. As adults, many still feel a quiet “click” when they meet someone who also grew up moving.
Researchers have argued that people who grow up across cultures usually build several cultural identities, or a blended one, rather than being “confused”.
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Many ATCKs say home is their family, partner or close friends, not a town. That can feel freeing, and also fragile if those people are far away.
Ways to nurture it
- Keep regular calls with the people who feel like home
- Plan visits ahead, so there is always one to look forward to
- Start traditions you can repeat wherever you live
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A smell from a market or a phrase in a language you grew up with can bring a rush of belonging. These “portable homes” are worth keeping close.
Ideas
- Cook food from places you lived
- Keep up a language through films, podcasts or a class
- Make a playlist from each place
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Many adults who grew up abroad feel least at home in the country on their passport. People expect you to know the TV shows, slang and unwritten rules, and you don’t.
Restlessness and the urge to move
When staying put feels harder than leaving.
Many ATCKs describe a restlessness every couple of years, often around the same rhythm their family used to move. A new job, new city or new country can feel like the natural next step, even when life is good.
Moving can be a real joy and a good choice. It helps to notice whether you are moving toward something you want, or away from something hard, like a goodbye, a conflict or getting too close to someone.
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Signs of “toward”
- You can name what you want there
- You have thought about what you will miss
- You feel curious, not only relieved
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Signs of “away”
- The itch starts when a friendship or relationship gets deeper
- You feel trapped more than curious
- You leave before goodbyes, so you don’t have to say them
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- Change one room at home
- Learn a new language or skill
- Plan a trip to a place you used to live
- Take on a new project at work
- Try a new neighbourhood for weekends
Closeness, friendships and love
When you learned early that people leave.
Adults who grew up as TCKs were, on average, less comfortable forming close relationships than other adults. Having siblings was linked to less worry about relationships and more resilience.
As children, some TCKs keep friendships casual, which researchers suggest may be a way of coping with repeated loss. That habit can follow you into adult life.
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Some people start detaching weeks before a move, or before a friend moves. It protects you from pain, but it can also cut short time you could have enjoyed.
Try instead
- Name it: “I notice I’m pulling away because you’re leaving.”
- Plan a proper goodbye together
- Agree on how you will stay in touch
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Many TCKs learned to get close quickly. Others may find this intense, or it may fade fast. Letting some friendships grow slowly can help them last.
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Things to talk about
- What “home” means to each of you
- How you each feel about moving
- Which traditions you want to keep
- What you need when you feel restless
Building roots on purpose
Belonging you choose, wherever you live.
You may never have one hometown. You can still grow roots: in people, in practices and in communities. Among adult TCKs, practising a faith was linked to a stronger sense of ethnic identity, which suggests shared rituals and community can anchor people.
Roots that travel
- A community you return to (faith group, choir, sports team, volunteer group)
- A daily or weekly ritual (Sunday call home, a morning walk, a family meal)
- Friendships you tend over years and distance
- Objects that come everywhere with you
- Places you visit again and again
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Families in Global Transition (FIGT) is a community of globally mobile people and those who support them. It runs events, parenting groups, affiliate groups and a research network.
Many international schools also have alumni groups. Reconnecting with classmates can be a powerful reminder that your childhood was real and shared.
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In the 2018 study, adults who stayed more engaged with many cultures tended to have more resilient personalities and greater wellbeing.
Ideas
- Join a language exchange
- Celebrate holidays from places you lived
- Mentor newcomers to your city
Your strengths, at work and in life
Skills your childhood gave you.
TCKs are often more open-minded, respectful and flexible toward other cultures than peers who grew up in one place. Those are real assets.
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Where it shines
- Diverse teams
- Customer or community roles
- Teaching and mentoring
- Welcoming newcomers
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Change at work, a reorganisation or a new boss may feel less scary to you. Remember that others may need more time, and so might you when you are tired.
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Living with not knowing where you will be next year builds patience with uncertainty. It is worth naming as a skill, even when it was hard to learn.
Finding support that “gets it”
Talking to someone who understands a mobile life.
Researchers say more parents, teachers and counsellors need to understand the difficulties TCKs can face. That includes therapists. You may need to explain your story, and it is fine to ask about their experience first.
Questions to ask a therapist
- Have you worked with people who grew up abroad or moved often?
- How do you work with grief that is not about a death?
- How do you think about culture and identity in therapy?
- Can we meet by video if I move?
When and where to get help
When the restlessness or loneliness gets heavy.
Reach out for support if loneliness, low mood or anxiety stays with you for weeks, if you keep leaving relationships you want to keep, or if old losses still feel raw.
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Trained crisis counselors support anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, any time.
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Text with a trained volunteer from anywhere in the U.S. In Canada text 686868, and in the UK text 85258.
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Find A Helpline is a free directory of confidential helplines by chat, text or phone, and is recommended by the International Association for Suicide Prevention.
U.S. citizens abroad in an emergency can contact the nearest U.S. embassy or consulate, or call 1-888-407-4747 from the U.S. or Canada, or +1-202-501-4444 from elsewhere.
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Sources
- Jones, Reed, Gaab & Ooi (peer-reviewed) (2022). Adjustment in Third Culture Kids: A Systematic Review of Literature (Frontiers in Psychology 13: 939044)
- Doherty, Lieu, Aledeh, Edwards & Kotera (peer-reviewed) (2023). Examining the impact of a Third Culture Kid upbringing: wellbeing, attachment and ethnic identity strength in Adult Third Culture Kids (Journal of Research in International Education)
- Abe (peer-reviewed) (2018). Personality, Well-Being, and Cognitive-Affective Styles: A Cross-Sectional Study of Adult Third Culture Kids (Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 49(5): 811–830)
- Moore & Barker (peer-reviewed) (2012). Confused or multicultural: Third culture individuals’ cultural identity (International Journal of Intercultural Relations 36(4): 553–562)
- Federal Voting Assistance Program (U.S. Department of Defense) (2023). 2022 Overseas Citizen Population Analysis Report
- Families in Global Transition (FIGT). Families in Global Transition
- ACCESS NL (nonprofit support for internationals in the Netherlands). FIGT (Families in Global Transition)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Help for Mental Illnesses
- Crisis Text Line. Crisis Text Line
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Crisis Text Line (Behavioral Health Information Series)
- ThroughLine (Find A Helpline). Find A Helpline
- International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP). Crisis Centres & Helplines
- Office for Victims of Crime, U.S. Department of Justice. U.S. Citizens Victimized Abroad
- U.S. Department of Justice, National Security Division. Find Help (Office of Justice for Victims of Overseas Terrorism)
This guide is for education and self-care. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Please talk to a counselor or clinical provider about your health. Reviewed October 2026.
