Going ‘home’: reverse culture shock

Most people prepare for culture shock when they leave. Few prepare for coming back, because “home” should be easy. That gap between what you expected and what you feel is part of the shock.

Knowing about culture shock ahead of time helps reduce the stress.

Friends have new partners, jobs and in-jokes. Prices, technology and slang have shifted. Meanwhile, you picked up new habits, values and ways of seeing things.

There is no set timeline. If strong distress lasts more than about 12 months, or gets worse, it is worth talking to a health professional.

You may miss the country you left as much as you once missed home. TCKs often grieve the people and places they leave behind.

You may feel critical of waste, rush, politics or habits at home. That is a normal phase. Over time, most people find a more balanced view.

What helps

• Notice comparisons and say them less out loud
• Look for things you appreciate about being back
• Find others who have lived abroad to vent with

Friends may ask “How was it?” and change the subject after a minute. It can feel like years of your life don’t count.

What helps

• Share one short story at a time
• Ask friends about their lives too
• Save the deep talks for people who have lived abroad
• Write, make art or post photos for yourself

Some people miss being “the person from somewhere else”, or a role and lifestyle they had abroad. Losing that can feel like losing part of who you are.

Returning adults may face a lower standard of living than they had abroad.

Families coming from furnished overseas housing may arrive to a home without basics like beds or bookshelves. Plan for that practical gap as well as the emotional one.

Ideas

• Look for international or “global” student groups (many welcome TCKs, not just international students)
• Join a language, culture or study-abroad club
• Visit the campus counseling center early, before things get hard
• Tell a resident advisor or mentor a little about your background

Bring report cards and records so the school can place you well. Ask if there is a buddy or welcome program.

The Foreign Service Youth Foundation runs re-entry seminars for students from Foreign Service families returning to the U.S.

Fear of returning to the passport country may add stress. In one study, students with less anxiety about returning did better in school.

• Cook dishes from where you lived
• Keep up the language
• Stay in touch with friends there
• Put up photos and objects from that life

TCKs often feel most at home with other globally mobile people. Look for returnee groups, international school alumni, or communities like Families in Global Transition.

Treat your town the way you treated places abroad: try new foods, visit museums, learn local history. Curiosity helps turn “strange” into “interesting”.

Settling rarely happens in a straight line. Good weeks and hard weeks are both part of it.

• “What do you miss most about living there?”
• “What’s been surprising about being back?”
• “Tell me about a normal day there.”
• “It makes sense if this feels strange.”

• “You must be so happy to be home!”
• “Enough about abroad already.”
• “You think you’re better than us now.”
• “You’re from here, you’ll be fine.”

• Show them how local apps, transport or banking work
• Invite them along to regular plans
• Introduce them to people with shared interests
• Be patient with “silly” questions

Trained crisis counselors support anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, any time.

Text with a trained volunteer from anywhere in the U.S. In Canada text 686868, and in the UK text 85258.

Free, short-term, confidential counseling for service members and their families, including after a move.

If you are returning to a country other than the U.S., Find A Helpline can show you free, confidential support there.

College counseling centers and school counselors can help with adjustment, loneliness and stress. It is fine to go early, just to talk.