Menopause at work, home & in relationships

Ideas to ask for

• A desk fan, or a seat near a window or away from heaters
• Easy access to cold water and restrooms
• Flexible start times after a bad night
• Short breaks to cool down or reset after a hot flash
• Uniforms in lighter, breathable fabrics
• Working from home on some days, if your job allows
• Written notes after meetings, to help with brain fog

You don’t have to say “menopause” if you don’t want to. You can ask for what you need: “I’ve been having some health symptoms. A fan and flexible start times would really help me do my best work.”

Some workplaces have menopause policies, staff networks or support groups. Talking with colleagues going through the same thing can help with the mood side of menopause.

Some women step back from promotions or leave jobs during these years without realising symptoms are part of the reason. If you are thinking of a big change, consider getting support for symptoms first, then decide.

Ways to help

• Be flexible about breaks, start times and room temperature where you can
• Keep what someone shares private
• Listen without jokes or comments about age or hormones
• Offer written notes and reminders without making a fuss

Symptoms that are more severe are linked to more problems at work, so simple support can help people stay well and stay in their jobs.

Try

• Agree on a signal for “I need a break”, so you can step away without a fight
• Consider couples counseling if you keep getting stuck
• Explain what menopause is doing to you. Many partners and children simply don’t know
• Plan small, easy moments of closeness: a walk, a show, a coffee together
• Share the load at home, especially after bad nights

Children often notice when a parent is tired or snappy, and may think it is their fault. A short, calm explanation can ease their worry.

You might say

• “My body is going through changes that happen to lots of people my age.”
• “Some days I’m more tired or grumpy. It’s not because of you.”
• “If I need a few minutes alone, I’ll come back when I feel calmer.”

Older children and teens can also learn that menopause is a normal part of life. That helps everyone talk about it more openly.

Your mother’s age at menopause can give a rough guide to yours, so it can be worth asking her about her experience if you feel able to.

Friends and sisters going through the same thing can be a lifeline. Staying connected with family, friends and community is one of the things Cleveland Clinic recommends for mood during menopause.

Many women feel brushed off or worry they are “going crazy”. A Cleveland Clinic doctor says having these experiences taken seriously can be therapeutic in itself.

Words that help

• “Do you want me to come to the appointment with you?”
• “That sounds really hard. I believe you.”
• “We’re a team. We’ll figure this out together.”
• “What would help most today?”

Try to avoid

• “Is it that time again?” or jokes about hormones
• “My mum just got on with it.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• Taking a lower sex drive as a personal rejection

If anger is aimed at you, it is still OK to say how it affects you, calmly and later. Understanding the cause doesn’t mean you have to accept being treated badly.

Ideas

• Agree on the bedroom temperature, or try separate blankets
• Be patient and open about changes in your sex life
• Encourage a visit to her clinical provider, and offer to go too
• Learn about the stages, so you understand what is happening
• Take on more at home after a bad night

It is normal to feel confused, hurt or lonely when your partner changes. Talk to a friend or counselor, and keep doing things that recharge you. Couples counseling can help you both feel heard.

Things worth talking about

• Any worries about how your body looks
• Needing more time to get aroused
• Positions that feel comfortable
• What feels good now, and what doesn’t
• When you feel most relaxed

Closeness doesn’t have to mean intercourse. Massage, cuddling and other kinds of touch can keep you connected.

Allowing more time for arousal, staying active, and avoiding harsh soaps and bubble baths can help. A water-based lubricant can help. For more comfort options, talk with your clinical provider.

Itching or irritation can be a sign of infection, so get it checked.

Unless you and your partner have both been tested and only have sex with each other, condoms are still needed after menopause. Dryness can cause tiny tears, which may raise the risk of infections.

Things linked to earlier menopause

• A family history of early menopause
• Cancer treatment such as chemotherapy or pelvic radiation
• Some autoimmune conditions, such as thyroid disease or rheumatoid arthritis
• Some chromosome differences
• Smoking
• Surgery to remove both ovaries

Early or premature menopause can also happen for no clear reason at all. It is not your fault.

If both ovaries are removed, hormone production stops suddenly and menopause begins right away, at any age. Cleveland Clinic describes this sudden drop as a shock to the body, compared with the slow decline of natural menopause.

The symptoms are the same as natural menopause, but they may be more severe. Anxiety, low mood and panic attacks can happen. Many people feel better within one to two years.

If you have a hysterectomy but keep your ovaries, menopause usually doesn’t start right away, though natural menopause may come a year or two earlier.

Early or premature menopause can bring sadness or depression about losing fertility and about changes in your body. Women who go through it cannot get pregnant with their own eggs.

It can also feel lonely. Friends your age may be having babies or never talk about menopause. You may feel “too young” for this. Your feelings make sense.

What can help

• Asking your provider about other paths to parenthood, like donor eggs or adoption, if you want them
• Finding others who went through early menopause, online or in person
• Giving yourself time to grieve before making big decisions
• Talking with a counselor, alone or with a partner

Early or premature menopause raises the risk of heart disease and osteoporosis, because the body has fewer years of higher estrogen. Symptoms may also be stronger.

Hearing “me too” from a friend can be a huge relief. Many women find out that their friends have the same hot flashes, foggy days and short tempers.

Staying connected with family, friends and community is one of the things Cleveland Clinic recommends for mood during menopause.

Some workplaces have menopause policies, staff networks or support groups. If yours doesn’t, a small, informal coffee group can still help.

Early or premature menopause can feel lonely. Finding others who went through it, online or in person, can help.

Places of worship, community centers and clubs can be warm places to talk, move and feel less alone. Creative hobbies and group activities can also give a sense of achievement.

The NHS says it is worth seeing your provider if you think you have symptoms of perimenopause or menopause and want to know your options. You don’t have to wait until symptoms are severe.

A therapist can help with the emotional side, including CBT for mood, anxiety, sleep and hot flashes.

Couples counseling can help you and a partner feel heard, and a counselor can help with grief after early menopause.

findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines by country. If you are in danger, call your local emergency number.