Helping kids sleep

Sleep-deprived children may feel angry and impulsive, have mood swings, feel sad or lack motivation. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes they may get upset over small problems and argue more.

Poor sleep is linked to attention problems, behavior issues and mood changes. Children may struggle to focus in class, finish homework and stay interested in learning.

The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that putting a child to bed even 15 to 20 minutes earlier can make a meaningful difference.

A major review links bedtime routines not only with better sleep, but with language and literacy, managing feelings and behavior, parent–child bonding and family life.

The authors suggest routines are a low-cost way to support young children’s development, while noting more research is needed.

Routine activities usually fall into

• Closeness: cuddles, rocking or a back rub
• Food and drink: a light snack or a drink of water
• Talking: reading, songs or chatting about the day
• Washing up: a bath, brushing teeth, pajamas

The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that a consistent routine helps children know what to expect, which can help them feel safe and secure.

If bedtime has drifted late, the NHS suggests bringing the routine forward by 5 to 10 minutes each week, or 15 minutes if your child is used to going to bed very late.

The NHS suggests setting limits on bedtime time together, such as one story and then goodnight. A clear ending makes it easier for children to let go.

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises a consistent bedtime and wake time every day, including weekends.

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests a quiet routine before bed, like a story, quiet music or a bath, and avoiding active play right before bed, which can overexcite toddlers.

Letting your child take a favorite thing to bed can help. Check it has no choking hazards, like buttons, loose ribbons or loose stuffing.

Before bed, take care of needs like water, a light or a slightly open door, so your child is comfortable.

Stalling and calling out after lights out are common at this age. The bedtime pass, tested with children aged 3 to 6, is one gentle way to handle it (see Bedtime battles & stalling).

Naps fade during these years. The NHS advises avoiding long afternoon naps that can push bedtime later.

School-aged children need 9 to 12 hours of sleep. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests keeping older children’s naps to 20–30 minutes and avoiding caffeine for 4 to 6 hours before bed.

Bright morning light and vigorous exercise before sunset can also help kids feel sleepy at the right time.

In a small trial with children aged 3 to 6, each child got a card they could swap for one visit from a parent or one trip out of the room after bedtime. After that, parents calmly ignored further calls. Children left their rooms and called out much less, and the change lasted at least 3 months.

The NHS suggests that if your child gets up, you keep taking them back to bed with as little fuss as possible. If they wake in the night, be as boring as you can and leave the lights off.

The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that even brief checks when a child calls out can teach them that calling brings you back. Make sure they’re safe and settled before you leave.

Before you say goodnight

• Bathroom trip
• Drink of water
• Favorite cuddly in bed
• Night light or door open as agreed
• One last hug

If you want your child to learn to fall asleep alone, the American Academy of Pediatrics notes that sharing a bed with them can make that harder. Families differ, so choose what fits yours, and make changes gradually.

Some parents sit in the room at first, then move a little closer to the door every few nights.

Children need time to learn to settle on their own. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises staying patient and understanding, because an angry response can make things worse.

Listen, name the feeling and stay calm. “You feel scared when it’s dark. I’m right here, and you’re safe.”

Most children in the school study told someone about their fears, so they may come to you. Thank them for telling you.

If your child is afraid of the dark, the NHS suggests a night light or leaving a landing light on. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests a night light in the hall near their door.

In a study of 104 children aged 4 to 6 with strong night fears, giving them a puppy toy to look after, or to act as their protector, reduced fears and sleep problems. The gains lasted 6 months.

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests avoiding frightening content within 2 hours of bedtime.

Check the room for anything scary, like shadows, and move it if you can.

Worry becomes a concern when it gets in the way of normal activities, such as sleeping alone at night or going to school. That is a good time to talk with your child’s provider.

Night terrors happen in deep sleep, often early in the night. Stay calm and keep your child safe. The Nightmares, shift work & sleep problems guide explains night terrors and sleepwalking in more detail.

If your child wakes in the night, the NHS suggests being as boring as possible and leaving the lights off, so your child isn’t excited back awake.

Events from the day often find their way into dreams, and stress or anxiety makes frightening dreams more likely. A new school, a move or family changes can all play a part.

The NHS suggests avoiding screens for 30 to 60 minutes before bed, because the light can interfere with sleep. Charging family devices in one place outside bedrooms makes this easier.

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests avoiding caffeine for 4 to 6 hours before bed, and salty or spicy foods for at least 4 hours before.

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests bright morning light and vigorous exercise before sunset, and quiet play rather than active play right before bed.

Try to keep your child’s bed linked with calm and comfort. Using it for time-outs or punishment can make bedtime feel like a consequence.

Ideas

• Ask a grandparent or friend to cover a bedtime now and then
• Rest when your child naps, if you can
• Take turns with a partner on nights or early mornings
• Agree on one plan so you both respond the same way

Consistency is key to bedtime routines. Share the routine with anyone who puts your child to bed, including sitters and grandparents.

If your child has a long-term health condition or disability, sleep can be harder. In the UK, the NHS points families to the charities Contact and Scope for sleep advice, and a health visitor may suggest a children’s sleep clinic.

Exhausted parents can reach out too. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, any time.

A free, 24/7 text line with trained crisis counselors.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) is a free directory of verified helplines in many countries, by phone, text or chat.