Compulsive habits: the basics

Healthy habits feel calm and planned. You can take a break without much trouble, and the people around you aren’t worried.

It usually looks like

• Doing it for fun, not to escape
• Keeping to the time or money you planned
• Being open about it with people you trust
• Still making room for sleep, work and people

Compulsive behaviour tends to come with a sense of urgency and is often tied to an emotional trigger, like stress or loneliness. It can leave you feeling guilty or in money trouble afterward.

This is a good time to pause and take an honest look. Small changes now are much easier than big ones later.

When control is lost, a person may think about the habit most of the time, try and fail to cut down, hide it, and carry on despite harm to money, work or family.

If you won every time, it would get boring. If you never won, you’d stop. Rewards that come at random, sometimes yes and sometimes no, are especially good at keeping people hooked. Slot machines, scratch cards, loot boxes and “mystery” deals all work this way.

A “near miss” (two cherries and almost a third) can feel like you were close, even though every spin is random. This tricks the brain into thinking a win is coming.

Fast games with quick repeats may make problems worse, though this is still not well understood.

Online betting and shopping remove the natural pauses: no travelling, no queue, no handing over cash. One tap, a stored card and constant notifications make it easy to act on an urge before thinking.

Things that can speed up harm

• Betting during a live game, every few minutes
• Buy now, pay later options that hide the real cost
• Push notifications, offers and “free bets”
• Saved card details and “one-click” buying

Many people start for fun but carry on because it helps them escape stress, loneliness, boredom, grief or low mood. People who shop compulsively often describe tension or anxiety before buying, and relief afterward.

The relief doesn’t last, and guilt or money worries can bring more stress, which leads back to the habit. This loop is why willpower alone often isn’t enough.

Chasing losses means gambling more to win back what you lost. It is one of the clearest signs that gambling is becoming a problem. The same kind of loop can happen with spending: buying something new to lift the guilt of the last purchase.

The thinking goes: “If I just win this one, I can fix everything.” But the odds don’t change, and the hole usually gets deeper. The Gambling & sports betting guide explains chasing in more depth.

Gambling is the most researched behavioural addiction. About 1.2% of the world’s adults have a gambling disorder, and many more feel some harm from gambling.

Betting apps mean people can gamble anywhere, at any hour, often without anyone else knowing.

Compulsive buying means thinking about shopping and buying so much that it causes distress or problems. A review of 40 studies in 16 countries estimated about 5% of adults are affected.

The World Health Organization recognises gaming disorder: reduced control over gaming, gaming taking priority over other interests and daily life, and carrying on despite harm. It must seriously affect life, usually for at least a year.

It affects only a small share of people who play. Playing a lot is not the same as a disorder. What matters is loss of control and harm.

Some people feel their sexual urges, thoughts or porn use are out of their control, and that this is causing them real distress or problems. The World Health Organization’s disease classification now includes compulsive sexual behaviour disorder, grouped with impulse-control conditions.

It is more common than many people think. In a national U.S. survey of adults aged 18 to 50, about 8.6% (10.3% of men and 7.0% of women) reported clinically relevant distress about controlling sexual feelings, urges and behaviours. That was a screening survey, not a diagnosis.

Enjoying sex, having a high sex drive, or watching porn is not by itself a problem. Feeling ashamed because of your values or upbringing is also different from losing control. A therapist who works with sexual wellbeing can help you sort out which is which, without judgement.

Many apps are built to keep you scrolling, using the same kind of unpredictable rewards as other habits: a like, a message, a new video. Experts still debate whether heavy use should be called an addiction. That doesn’t make the struggle any less real.

Some people describe feeling “hooked” on food or eating to escape feelings. Feeling out of control around food can also be part of an eating disorder, which is a serious health condition that deserves proper care.

People can feel out of control with many activities, including exercise or work. Experts still debate whether these should be called addictions, and research is still developing.

Helpful questions to ask yourself

• Am I hiding it, or feeling ashamed afterward?
• Do I feel I have to do this, rather than want to?
• Have I tried to cut down and couldn’t?
• Is it harming my health, money, relationships or work?

Children and teens are at higher risk than adults for developing a gambling problem, and starting young makes later problems more likely.

Compulsive buying also usually begins in the late teens or early twenties.

Many people with gambling problems say one or both parents had a drinking or gambling problem. That can come from genes, from what was normal growing up, or both.

Family history is not destiny. Knowing about it simply helps you stay alert and reach out early.

Compulsive habits often go hand in hand with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or alcohol and drug use. Many people with gambling problems are never recognised or treated.

Getting help for those struggles can make the habit easier to change. See the “Depression: understanding it”, “Anxiety: understanding it”, “ADHD: understanding it” and Substance use guides.

Shopping often becomes a way of coping with stress, anxiety and low mood. Grief, boredom, isolation and money worries can all make a quick escape harder to resist.

This is why caring for the stress underneath matters as much as the habit itself.

Online gambling is accessible almost anywhere, at any time, and heavy promotion online and through sport risks making gambling seem normal for young people.

Spending a lot of time on platforms full of advertising also makes people more likely to be influenced by it.

CBT helps you notice the thoughts that drive the habit (“I’m due a win”, “I deserve this”) and practise new ways to respond to urges and triggers.

A major review found CBT reduced gambling and related problems right after treatment, though the research quality was low and more studies are needed. For compulsive buying, group CBT programmes look promising.

What you might work on

• Challenging myths like “I’ll win it back” or “I deserve this”
• Planning what to do instead when an urge hits
• Rebuilding hobbies and relationships
• Spotting triggers like payday, boredom or stress

Motivational interviewing (MI) doesn’t lecture or push. A counsellor helps you explore your mixed feelings and find your own reasons to change.

Research suggests MI can help reduce gambling, especially for people with less severe problems, though the evidence is based on only a few studies.

Groups to look into

• Debtors Anonymous: for people whose use of debt is causing problems
• Gam-Anon: for family and friends of someone who gambles
• Gamblers Anonymous: free meetings in person, online and by phone
• SMART Recovery: a science-informed programme for addictive behaviours, with free in-person and online meetings, and Family & Friends groups

Social support and encouragement are a crucial part of change. You don’t have to do it alone.

Practical barriers make it harder to act on an urge in the moment. Many people find them a big help, especially early on.

Ideas to consider

• Ask your bank to block payments to gambling sites and apps
• Delete apps that trigger the habit, or move them off your home screen
• Install blocking software on your phone and computer
• Keep credit cards out of easy reach, or carry only cash
• Let a trusted person help manage money for a while

Treating other struggles like depression, anxiety or substance use is a key part of recovery. Couples or family therapy can also help rebuild trust. For anything medical, talk with your clinical provider.

For skills to ride out urges in the moment, see the Impulse control guide.

Choose a calm, private moment, not right after a big loss or an argument. Talk about what you have noticed and how you feel, using “I” statements.

Try saying

• “I care about you, and I’m worried.”
• “I noticed the bills, and I felt scared.”
• “Would you be willing to look into help with me?”
• “You’re not a bad person. This is a real problem, and help exists.”

Expect denial or anger at first. It may take several conversations. Planting a seed still matters.

Try to avoid

• Calling them names like “addict”, “liar” or “loser”
• Lecturing or bringing it up in front of others
• Making excuses for them to others
• Paying off debts or covering losses
• Threats you don’t intend to follow through on

Bailing someone out can feel like love, but it can keep the cycle going by removing the consequences. Paying debts doesn’t end the problem.

Gam-Anon supports people affected by someone else’s gambling, and SMART Recovery runs Family & Friends groups for loved ones of people with addictive behaviours.

Look after yourself

• Get help right away if you feel unsafe at home
• Keep up your own friendships, rest and joys
• Remember it’s not your fault, and you can’t control their choices
• Talk to someone you trust, or a counsellor

The Gambling & sports betting and Shopping & spending guides have more on protecting your money. If there is abuse or violence, see the “Domestic violence: the basics” guide. If a life is in danger, call 911.