Washing, dressing & a calmer space

A shower is really a chain of steps: getting up, undressing, the cold air, the water, drying, finding clothes. When energy is low, each step can feel like its own mountain.

Brushing your teeth or washing your face can be enough to shift your day a little. Many people find that once one small thing is done, the next feels more possible.

The NHS advises brushing twice a day for about 2 minutes, last thing at night and one other time. Spit out the toothpaste but don’t rinse, so the fluoride keeps working.

Try

• Brushing for 30 seconds is better than not at all
• Chew sugar-free gum after meals if brushing feels like too much
• Keep a toothbrush by the kitchen sink or in the shower
• Night-time brushing is the one to protect if you can only manage one

About two in three U.S. adults had a dental exam or cleaning in the past year. Because dental problems are more common with depression and anxiety, regular visits are worth protecting.

If the dentist makes you anxious

• Agree on a hand signal to pause
• Book the first appointment of the day
• Bring headphones and music
• Tell the team you feel anxious

The ladder

1. Stand up and go to the bathroom
2. Turn on the water
3. Rinse off for one minute, no soap needed
4. If you can, wash just your armpits and private areas
5. Wrap up in a towel and sit down. You did it.

Any step on the ladder counts.

When a shower is too much

• Brush or tie back your hair
• Change into clean underwear and a clean top
• Put on deodorant
• Sit on a shower stool, or take a bath instead
• Use body wipes or a no-rinse cleanser
• Wash your face and armpits at the sink with a warm cloth

What to put in it

• A cup of water
• A toothbrush and toothpaste, or sugar-free gum
• Deodorant
• Dry shampoo or a hair tie
• Wipes

Ideas

• Ask someone to text you a reminder, or to chat while you get ready
• Lay out clean clothes and a towel the night before
• Play a favourite song or podcast and shower for its length
• Shower at whatever time of day feels easiest, not the “right” time
• Use a soap or towel you like

If you have sensory sensitivities, the feel of water, towels or certain products can be hard. Adjusting temperature, using a softer towel or choosing unscented products can help.

More ideas

• A bath instead of a shower, or the other way round
• A handheld shower head for more control
• Soft lighting in the bathroom
• Warm the towel or room first

Attaching a self-care step to something you already do, like brushing your teeth right after your morning drink, means you don’t have to remember it.

When you are low, the line between night and day can blur. Getting dressed, even into soft, comfy clothes, helps mark the change, a bit like opening the curtains.

Try

• Get dressed before checking your phone
• Have “day comfy” clothes that are different from sleep clothes
• If working from home, change for work and change again when done

Tight waistbands, itchy tags or clothes that no longer fit can keep your body uncomfortable all day and feed unkind thoughts about yourself.

Kind wardrobe ideas

• Cut out scratchy tags or choose soft fabrics
• Have a few go-to outfits you don’t have to think about
• Keep clothes that fit your body today, not a past or “goal” body
• Wear colours or items that remind you of who you are

Clothes can connect you to your culture, faith, gender identity, friends or interests. Being able to dress in a way that feels true to you can support a sense of belonging and confidence.

How to do it

1. Pick one small area: a bedside table, a chair, the sink
2. Set a timer for 10 minutes (or 5)
3. Put rubbish in one bag, dishes in the kitchen, clothes in one pile
4. Stop when the timer rings, even if you’re not finished
5. Notice what is clearer now

Ideas

• Add a plant, a soft light or a photo you love
• Clear the space around your bed or favourite chair
• Keep work and screens out of one area if you can
• Open a window for fresh air

For more ideas on a restful space, see the Rest & recharging guide.

Some people find it easier to tidy when someone else is in the room, even if that person isn’t helping. This is sometimes called “body doubling.” A friend on a video call works too.

Ways to share the load

• Ask a friend to sit with you while you sort one pile
• Put on music and make it a family “10-minute tidy”
• Swap tasks: you cook for them, they help you clean

If you feel a very strong need to keep things, feel great distress when trying to throw them away, and rooms can no longer be used for cooking, sleeping or bathing, this may be hoarding.

Hoarding is a real mental health condition, not laziness, and help is available. See the “Hoarding: understanding it” and “Clutter & letting go” guides, and talk to a clinical provider or therapist.

Ideas

• Make a simple routine chart they choose themselves
• Never tease about smell, skin or body changes
• Stock deodorant, face wash and period products without making a fuss
• Talk early and casually, before it becomes awkward

Ideas

• A two-minute song for toothbrushing
• Let them choose their own toothbrush or towel
• Picture charts for bath and bedtime steps
• Brush your teeth together

If a child finds water, brushing or certain clothes truly distressing, it may be a sensory difference. See the Sensory differences guide.

A sudden drop in self-care in a teen, like no longer showering or changing clothes, can be a sign of low mood. Gently ask how they are doing, without judgment.

Try

• “I’ve noticed you seem really tired lately. How are you doing?”
• “I’m running you a bath. No pressure, it’s there if you want it.”
• “Want me to sit with you while we sort one pile?”
• “I’m here. You don’t have to explain.”

Avoid

• “You smell” or “This room is disgusting”
• “Everyone else manages”
• Comparing them to how they used to be

Even if said with love, these can deepen shame and make someone withdraw further.

Ideas

• Do laundry together
• Leave a “hard day kit” with wipes, deodorant and a toothbrush
• Offer to sit with them while they tidy one small area
• Help them book or get to a dental or health checkup