Starting over later in life

Divorce among adults 65 and older nearly tripled between 1990 and 2022. One in ten people divorcing in the U.S. is now 65 or older.

After a partner dies, starting over can mean learning tasks they used to do, eating alone, or deciding where to live. There is no deadline for feeling ready.

Losing a job is one of the life changes linked to a higher risk of loneliness. Leaving work sooner than planned can also shake your sense of who you are, as well as your money.

After years of caring for someone, people often have to rediscover their own interests, friendships and routines.

Some people start over after a health scare, an injury, recovery from addiction, or leaving a hard situation. The fresh start can be hopeful and frightening at once.

Moving later in life can mean leaving friends, neighbours and routines built over decades. Building new ones takes time and effort.

Self-directed ageism often sounds like common sense. Try noticing these thoughts and asking: would I say this to a friend my age?

Swap

• “I’m too old to learn this” → “I learn differently now, and that’s fine”
• “It’s too late for me” → “I have time to make this chapter count”
• “Nobody hires people my age” → “Some places won’t. I’ll look for the ones that do.”

Ageism shows up in hiring, health care and casual jokes. At work in the U.S., people 40 and older are protected from age discrimination in hiring, firing, pay, promotions, training and more.

People go back to school, start businesses, fall in love, make art and change careers in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond. Every age has its own possibilities.

You might cry over old photos in the morning and sign up for a class in the afternoon. Moving between loss and new beginnings is normal, not a sign you’re doing it wrong.

The middle stretch can feel empty or confusing. It is often where new ideas take shape, if you give it some time.

In the first months after a big loss, it can help to hold off on decisions that are hard to undo, like selling a home, if you can. Rest, settle and get advice first.

Starting over means being a beginner again, which can feel uncomfortable after years of knowing what you’re doing. Treat yourself with the patience you’d give a friend.

Think back to other times you got through a big change. What helped then? Those same strengths are still with you.

For example

• Caring for others
• Fixing things or making do
• Listening and calming conflict
• Managing money or a household
• Organising people or events
• Teaching or explaining

Many people find that later in life they care less about impressing others and more about what feels meaningful. That clarity is a strong place to start from.

Caring, trustworthy relationships are one of the strongest supports in hard times. Reach out to people who already know and value you.

The CDC recommends that adults 65 and older aim for 150 minutes of moderate activity a week, like brisk walking, plus muscle-strengthening on 2 days and balance activities. Some activity is better than none.

After a divorce, death or job loss, money can feel scary and confusing. Writing everything down in one place is a good first step. A nonprofit credit counselor or legal aid office can help.

The Eldercare Locator connects older adults and families with local services, such as senior centers, transportation and programs. Call or text 1-800-677-1116, or visit eldercare.acl.gov.

The Age Discrimination in Employment Act protects workers 40 and older. It covers hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoffs, training and benefits. Harassment because of age is also unlawful when it is frequent or severe.

The Senior Community Service Employment Program (SCSEP) offers paid part-time community service work and training for unemployed people 55 and older with low incomes. It averages about 20 hours a week and can be a bridge to other jobs.

Local American Job Centers also offer free job search help.

Starting over at work doesn’t have to mean a full-time job. Part-time work, freelancing, a small business or meaningful volunteering can all bring purpose and structure.

Rejection can hit harder when you fear your age is the reason. Keep up routines and contact with people during a long search, and celebrate effort, not only results.

Restarting an old hobby or taking a class can bring enjoyment and new friends.

Ideas

• A language
• An instrument or choir
• Cooking, gardening or woodwork
• Painting, photography or writing
• A walking or dance group

If technology feels hard, many public libraries and community centers offer classes on email, video calls and social media.

Community colleges, adult education and free online courses welcome learners of every age. Some colleges offer reduced fees for older students, so it is worth asking.

Helping others through volunteering can ease loneliness and give a sense of mission and purpose, which is linked to better health.

Joining a group around something you enjoy, like walking, is a good way to build connections.

Places to look

• Faith communities
• Libraries and community centers
• Senior centers
• Sports, walking or garden clubs
• Volunteer groups

Dating after decades can feel strange and exciting. Go at your own pace, stay safe meeting people online, and remember that companionship can take many forms.

Adult children and relatives may have their own feelings about your new start, especially after a divorce or a new partner. Clear, kind conversations help everyone adjust.

Things you can say

• “What are you curious to try?”
• “It makes sense this is hard. You’ve been through a lot.”
• “Want company the first time you go?”

Try to avoid

• “At your age, why bother?”
• “You should just settle down.”
• Rushing them to “move on”

• Offer a ride to a class or group
• Help set up video calls or online accounts
• Go along to a first visit somewhere new
• Invite them to your plans, regularly

Joining a civic, faith-based or local group can bring support, purpose and hope. Communities that welcome people of every age help everyone.

A counselor or therapist can help you work through loss and plan your next chapter. Your clinical provider can check how you’re doing and refer you. FindTreatment.gov can help you find care in the U.S.

Find a free helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.