Talking with kids and teens about scary news

The AAP notes that children can reach news and graphic content on their phones. Talking ahead of time about what they might see or hear helps them feel less alone when it happens.

In one large survey of teens, only 6% of those who saw violent content online had searched for it. Most came across it in other people’s feeds or had it sent to them, and a quarter said platforms pushed it to them.

In a Common Sense Media survey, family was the top place kids said they hear about news, and most said they trust news from family a lot. That gives you a real chance to help them make sense of it.

The AAP says children often hide distress, so start early and keep the conversation going, rather than waiting for them to show they are upset.

UNICEF suggests belly breathing: breathe in through your nose for five seconds and out through your mouth for five seconds, picturing your belly filling and emptying like a balloon. You can teach this to your child too.

You can say, “I feel sad about this too.” But try not to overshare your own fears, and keep your tone and face steady.

Talk through your worries with other adults, out of children’s hearing. Kids often listen when adults don’t realise, and overheard talk can add to their fears.

UNICEF suggests

• Check the news at set times, not all day
• Make time for things that help you relax
• Reach out to family, friends or other trusted people

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) explains that very young children may not understand that repeated images are a replay. They may think the event is happening again and again.

Young children can also find it harder to tell scary movies from real life. Gently clear up any mix-ups.

The NCTSN says the younger the child, the less news exposure they should have, and to consider whether a very young child needs any at all. The AAP advises keeping young children away from repeated graphic images and sounds.

Ideas

• Listen to news on headphones or after bedtime
• Put on a favourite show or play a game instead
• Turn off the TV or radio news when they are in the room

Try

• Draw or play together. Young kids often share feelings this way
• Keep meals, bedtime and daycare or school routines the same
• Offer hugs and quiet time together
• Read a favourite story at bedtime to end on a calm note

The NCTSN advises not assuming what children are thinking. Find out what they are worried about, then talk about those worries. A child may be scared of something you’d never guess.

Correct misinformation gently, and don’t brush worries aside.

A map, a globe or a simple explanation of distance can help. The National Center for PTSD suggests reminding children that bad events get reported, but most of the time the country is safe.

UNICEF says it is fine not to have every answer. You can find out together using reputable news outlets or organisations, and explain that not everything online is accurate.

The NCTSN says talking about media coverage can be an excellent way to open a conversation with teens and understand their point of view, even when you can’t watch together.

Questions to try

• “How are people at school talking about it?”
• “What are you seeing in your feed?”
• “What do you make of it?”
• “Is anything about it worrying you?”

Fewer than half of kids in a Common Sense Media survey said they could tell fake news from real news.

Stanford researchers found professional fact checkers judge a source by quickly opening new tabs to see what others say about it. This “lateral reading” is a skill you can practise together.

Ask together

• Is this new, or an old clip being reshared?
• Who posted it, and what do others say about them?
• Do two or three trusted outlets report the same thing?

UNICEF suggests discussing with older children how much news they take in and which sources they trust. Let them have some say, while staying aware of what reaches them.

Ideas to suggest

• Mute words linked to an upsetting story
• Report or scroll past graphic videos
• Turn off autoplay
• Turn off news alerts at night

Try saying

• “Lots of people are working to help and keep others safe.”
• “That’s a really good question. Let’s find out together.”
• “What you’re feeling makes sense.”
• “You can come to me any time you feel worried.”

Try not to

• Brush off worries with “Don’t think about it”
• Call groups of people “bad people”
• Give graphic or unnecessary details
• Share your own biggest fears with them

UNICEF warns that conflict far away can fuel discrimination at home. Avoiding labels helps children grow compassion rather than prejudice.

You can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen. But you can say that you, and many other adults like police, teachers and officials, are working hard to keep them safe.

The NCTSN notes that knowing your family and school emergency plans helps children feel more secure.

Before ending, UNICEF suggests checking how your child seems: their body language, tone of voice and breathing. Remind them that you care and they can come back to you anytime.

The NCTSN suggests parents take the lead, with input from older children, on how much news the family sees. Be ready to set clear limits when needed.

Plan might include

• No news at meals or bedtime
• No graphic videos for younger children
• Older kids check in with you if something upsets them
• Set times when adults check the news

With older children, the AAP suggests recording or previewing coverage so you can watch together and pause to talk. The National Center for PTSD also suggests watching together if children do watch.

The NCTSN stresses time away from coverage, especially when breaking news is constant. Time with friends and family helps children cope and bounce back.

Ideas

• A board game or card game
• A bike ride or walk together
• Baking or cooking together
• Inviting a friend over

Ideas

• Draw a picture or card for helpers
• Help pack a donation box
• Make a poster with a kind message
• Say thank you to local firefighters or nurses

Ideas

• Join or start a school fundraiser
• Learn about the people and place affected
• Volunteer locally with a family member
• Write a poem, song or letter of support

The AAP advises responding to a child’s developmental level and abilities rather than their age, and starting with less information.

For autistic children, comfort can look different. Some don’t find cuddling soothing. Use whatever usually calms your child.

If the news involves your family’s homeland, faith or community, children may feel it more personally. UNICEF advises checking that children are not being bullied, or bullying others, because of world events, and encouraging them to tell a trusted adult.

Anniversaries and coverage can bring back the same feelings children had after an earlier event, including trouble sleeping or concentrating. Plan ahead for these times.

If reporters want to interview your family, the NCTSN says to keep your child’s needs first. You can say no, ask what the story is about, and set limits.

If your child is interviewed

• Be there, and stop the interview if your child gets upset
• Talk it over first, and tell them there are no wrong answers
• Talk afterwards about how it went
• Tell them they can say “no” to any question