Job loss and your family: talking with partners and kids

Partners may worry about money, feel helpless, or struggle with their own mixed feelings. Both people’s stress matters.

Children often sense tension at home. Being honest at a level they can understand helps, rather than keeping the income loss secret.

• Getting support from friends, relatives and community
• Keeping some routines the same
• Looking after the stressed parent’s well-being
• Talking and listening as a family

You could say

• “I have hard news. I was laid off today.”
• “I feel embarrassed and scared, and I didn’t want to hide it from you.”
• “I don’t need you to fix it tonight. I just need you to know.”

1. Pick a time when you’re both rested, not late at night.
2. Write down what’s coming in and what must be paid.
3. Agree on the essentials first.
4. Choose one or two cutbacks together.
5. Set a time to check in again.

Making a simple budget together can help you both feel more in control.

Try to avoid

• “If you’d worked harder, this wouldn’t have happened.”
• “I told you that job was risky.”
• Bringing up money worries in front of the kids

Research suggests parents’ stress can spill over onto children. Try to keep hard money talks for times when the kids aren’t around.

If one partner is home more, it can be fair to rebalance chores and childcare. Talk about it openly instead of letting resentment build.

• “I’m sorry. We’ll work this out together.”
• “This doesn’t change how I see you.”
• “Do you want ideas, or just for me to listen right now?”
• “What would help most this week?”

• Checking on their applications every day
• Comparing them with others who found work quickly
• Making jokes about them being “at home all day”
• Hiding your own worries completely, then exploding

Keep up your own sleep, friendships and outlets. Talk to a friend or counselor about your worries, so you have somewhere to put them besides your partner.

If they lose interest in things, struggle to get out of bed or seem irritable or restless for two weeks or more, gently encourage them to talk to a professional.

You could say

• “I don’t have that job anymore, because the company doesn’t need as many workers.”
• “I didn’t do anything wrong, and you didn’t either.”
• “We’re still a family, and we’ll take care of you.”
• “I’ll be home more for a while, and I’m looking for a new job.”

Bedtime, meals, stories and school routines help young children feel secure when grown-ups are stressed.

Reassure children, but avoid promises that might not hold, like “Nothing will change.” Try “Some things might change, and we’ll always tell you and take care of you.”

They may worry about

• Whether you’ll have to move
• Losing activities or friends
• Whether there will be enough money for food
• Whether the other parent will lose their job too

Ask, “What are you wondering about?” and answer honestly, at their level.

Letting children help with choices about cutting back, like picking one activity to keep, can give them a sense of control and contribution, and lets parents model resilience.

Situations change, and so do children’s questions. Check in again as things move along.

You could say

• “I want to be straight with you about what’s happening.”
• “We’ll need to cut back on some things. Let’s talk about what matters most to you.”
• “It’s okay to feel annoyed or worried. You can tell me.”

If a teen blames you, try not to argue back. You might say, “I get that this is frustrating. It wasn’t what I wanted either.”

Some teens offer to get a job or give up things they care about. Thank them warmly. Make sure school, friends and rest still come first, and that they don’t feel responsible for the family’s finances.

Teens may not want friends to know. Talk together about what’s private and what’s okay to share.

• Changes in sleep or appetite
• More clinginess, tantrums or irritability
• Pulling away from friends or activities
• Stomach aches or headaches with no clear cause
• Trouble at school

• Spend a little one-on-one time each day
• Name feelings: “It seems like you’re worried.”
• Keep regular routines and bedtimes
• Let their school counselor or teacher know, if it helps

Parents’ stress can affect children through less warmth and patience. Taking care of your own stress is part of caring for them.

1. Explain simply that there’s less money for extras for a while.
2. Reassure everyone that the essentials come first.
3. Ask each person what matters most to them.
4. Agree on a few changes together.
5. Praise everyone for helping.

Ideas

• Board games or card nights
• Library visits, story times and events
• Parks, walks and picnics
• Cooking or baking together
• Movie nights at home

If food, housing or utilities are a worry, dialing 211 connects you with local help. Health coverage for children may be available through Medicaid or CHIP.

You could say

• “Thank you. That would really help us right now.”
• “Could you have the kids on Tuesday while I go to an interview?”

You could say

• “I know you care. I’ve got a plan, and I’ll ask if I need ideas.”
• “Please don’t bring up my job in front of the kids.”

If children move between homes, try to agree with the other parent on what to tell them, so they hear a calm, consistent story. Keep money disagreements between adults.