Giving up driving: independence, safety & feelings

A car lets you visit a friend on a whim, take the long way home, or leave when you’re ready. Losing that can feel like losing a piece of adulthood.

Some people have always been the driver: for the school run, for church, for friends who don’t drive. Stopping can shake that sense of being capable and useful.

Ways to keep that role

• Be the planner of outings, even if someone else drives
• Keep helping in other ways, like phoning, cooking or mentoring
• Pay for gas or treat the driver to lunch

Driving often keeps people linked to friends, faith communities, clubs and family. Planning how to keep those links is the most important part of stopping well.

It can get harder to see things outside your direct line of sight, read signs in time, or see clearly at night. Glare from headlights and low sun can be a problem, and eye diseases like glaucoma, cataracts and macular degeneration can affect vision.

Hearing changes can make it harder to notice horns, sirens or warning noises from your own car. NIA suggests a hearing check at least every three years after age 50, and wearing hearing aids while driving if you use them.

Stiffness, weakness or arthritis can make it harder to look over your shoulder, turn the wheel quickly or brake safely. Staying physically active can help keep strength and flexibility.

Reflexes can slow with age, and loss of feeling in the hands or feet can make steering or pedals harder. Some conditions, such as Parkinson’s disease or the effects of a stroke, can make driving unsafe.

Some health problems and treatments can make you drowsy, lightheaded or less alert. Ask your clinical provider or pharmacist whether anything in your health or treatment might make driving unsafe.

• Am I driving less because I feel less sure of myself?
• Am I having trouble seeing road signs, exits or lane lines?
• Can I turn my head comfortably to check mirrors and blind spots?
• Do cars or people seem to appear out of nowhere?
• Do I get lost, even on familiar roads?
• Do other drivers often honk at me?
• Have family, friends or my doctor said they’re worried?
• Have I had near misses or “fender benders”?

If you answer yes to any of these, NIA suggests talking with your doctor or family, or considering a driving assessment.

Ask family and friends for honest feedback about your driving, including any worries. Online self-assessments can also help you gauge your abilities.

Driver rehabilitation specialists, often occupational therapists with extra training, do comprehensive driving evaluations. These usually have two parts: tests of vision, thinking and physical skills in a clinic, then a drive in a car fitted with safety equipment such as an instructor’s brake.

What the evaluation can lead to

• Car equipment, like larger mirrors, hand controls or pedal extenders
• Help planning other transport, if driving isn’t safe
• Keep driving with no changes
• Safer routes, or limits like daytime-only driving
• Training to improve driving skills

Driver safety courses designed for older adults can help you adjust to age-related changes. Organizations such as AAA and AARP offer them, and some car insurance companies may lower your bill when you complete one.

• Avoid driving at sunrise and sunset, when the sun is in your eyes
• Avoid rush hour and heavy traffic when you can
• Cut back on or stop night driving if seeing in the dark is hard
• Skip bad weather. “When in doubt, don’t go out.”

• Avoid highways, or stay in the right-hand lane
• Drive on streets you know
• Leave plenty of space and start braking early
• Pick routes with few left turns, good lighting and easy parking

• Always wear a seat belt, and make sure passengers do too
• Consider a car with automatic transmission, power steering, large mirrors and a backup camera
• Don’t drink and drive
• Limit distractions: eating, fiddling with the radio, or using a phone

CDC’s free MyMobility Plan helps older adults plan to stay safe, mobile and independent. It covers looking after your health, a home safety checklist, and a plan for getting around your community. Adult children and caregivers can use it too.

You may miss small things: the drive to the coast, music up loud, the trip to the hardware store. Letting yourself feel sad is part of adjusting.

People can become defensive, angry, hurt or withdrawn when driving comes up. That’s an understandable reaction to losing control over something important.

Ways to let it out

• Move your body: a walk or stretching
• Say what’s unfair, without blaming anyone
• Talk with a friend who has stopped driving
• Write down what you’ll miss most

Many people dread asking for lifts. It can help to remember that owning a car is expensive. Money saved on payments, insurance, repairs and gas can pay for rides or treat the friends who drive you.

If driving had become tense, especially at night or in traffic, stopping can bring relief. That’s a healthy feeling too.

• Anxiety about driving at night
• Comments from neighbors or friends about unsafe driving
• Complaints about other drivers’ speed or lane changes
• Health problems with vision, hearing or movement
• Higher insurance costs because of driving issues
• Several crashes, near misses, or new dents and scrapes
• Two or more tickets or warnings within two years

Learn about local transport services first, and think about what trips the person needs to make. Focus on safety and on keeping their independence and the activities they enjoy.

• Say “I’m worried about your safety when you drive,” not “You’re a bad driver.”
• Talk about driving skills, not age.
• Offer help: “I’ll help you figure out how to get where you want to go.”
• Acknowledge feelings: “I understand this may be upsetting.”
• Work together: “Let’s find a solution as a team.”

Advice from a doctor may carry more weight than family alone. A professional driving evaluation can give a more objective view of what is safe.

Planning ahead, before signs of unsafe driving appear, gives time to prepare and find other ways to get around. Some people can safely drive short local trips in daylight for a while, but not at night or on highways.

• Confusing the brake and gas pedals
• Getting lost in familiar places
• Hitting curbs or drifting in the lane
• Simple errands taking much longer, without a clear reason
• Speeding or driving too slowly
• Sudden lane changes or poor decisions in traffic

State laws vary. Some states may require a driving test, and many can ask someone to retest when there’s reason to think they can’t drive safely. Information can come from police, health workers, family or members of the public.

Dementia can affect insight and judgment, so anger isn’t a personal failure on your part. Be patient and firm, show empathy and acknowledge the loss.

Steps families use

• Ask a respected family member to back up the message
• Ask the doctor to tell the person to stop, and to write “Do not drive” on paper you can show them
• Arrange a driving evaluation or DMV test
• As a last resort, hide the keys, disable the car or sell it, with reliable transport in place

Rides with family and friends are often the first choice. Sharing a schedule helps nobody feel overloaded.

Ideas

• Offer to pay for gas or a meal
• Set up a weekly standing ride
• Share a calendar of who drives when
• Swap rides for something you can give, like childcare or baking

Religious and civic groups sometimes have volunteers who drive older adults to where they need to go. Some communities offer carpools or trips to the grocery store or doctor.

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, public transit agencies with fixed-route buses or trains must provide “complementary paratransit” for people whose disability keeps them from using regular routes. Many older adults qualify.

It must serve areas within 3/4 mile of a route, at the same days and hours, for no more than twice the regular fare.

Rideshare and taxi rides can sound expensive, but without car payments, insurance, maintenance and gas, many people can afford other transport.

Grocery, meal and pharmacy deliveries can reduce how often you need to travel, so you can save rides for the trips that matter most.

Your local Area Agency on Aging can help you find services. Call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116. Rides in Sight, a free service of the nonprofit ITN America, lists transport options for older adults: call 855-607-4337.

• Book rides for the things that lift your mood first
• Keep standing dates, like a weekly coffee or service
• Plan one outing just for fun each week
• Use deliveries for chores, and rides for people

Regular activity that builds strength and flexibility helps you stay mobile.

Ideas

• A class at a senior center
• A walking group
• Chair exercise at home
• Walking to nearby shops when it’s safe

• Join a phone or video group
• Make calls to check on lonely neighbors
• Mentor or tutor online
• Volunteer somewhere you can reach by bus or ride

Some people later choose to live closer to shops, family or public transport. If a move is on your mind, the “Independence & care in later life” guide may help.